Sexual Assault Having A Hard Time Going Out By Myself

[Sandi]

Hello all,

Does anyone have a hard time going out alone for something like grabbing lunch or running an errand? It takes me hours to finally get the courage to go out alone. I always feel like someone is staring at me or following me. I've been followed multiple times, stalked, sexually harassed, etc. I have to dress up for work and I just feel like there's always someone who has to make an inappropriate or sexist comment when I'm alone. I don't mind a compliment, but sometimes people decide that to get too close for comfort. Because of past sexual abuse, including rape, I'm very weary of people. I'm trying to slowly build up my confidence, but it's really hard. I envy my husband who can just go anywhere he please without thinking twice. Advice?

 

[LanaD]

Oh boy. I must say that I used to feel fine outside till I moved to neighborhood whose prevailing culture, let's say, rejects women who display more than their faces and hands. It's f*cking horrible.

I'd recommend taking a self-defense course so you feel like you can defend yourself. I should probably take another one soon, as it's been years, and when I took mine we were taught, for example, to look people (men) in the face because then they know you know who they are. I also learned how to flip a big dude over my head! Once you learn to do that you certainly feel more confident ;)

 

[SeekingAfrica]

Hello all,

Does anyone have a hard time going out alone for something like grabbing lunch or running an...

I know the feeling. How long has it been since the abuse? Time helped some. It's a bad comfort, but it's true, with time your body is at least a bit less hyperaware. I've had that feeling a lot and I hated it. Honestly I dealt with it by not dealing with it, not-doing social things, only going out on my own when I had to, dressing in clothes that were mainly for comfort and too big for me for sure. I'm only now slowly coming to having desire to wear attractive things again(I had it before too, but I would dress up, and then panic...).
But you said you need to dress up for work. I'm not sure how to help you get over that feeling. But as for how to manage it for now, I agree about the self defense course. If you can handle it though. I want to go to such too, but I feel when we start training I'll freeze or have flashback or something and wonder how to explaint that. Anyway...can you may be still look presentable for work, but find some clothes that make you feel more comfortable right now? You went through some stuff, so you're different- may be you can find great clothes than you are more comfortable in, for now? The other thing I learned through lots of videos on Youtube is...have an emergency kit with you. People do this for self-harming, or anxiety, but it does work for anything mental, I think. Basically, it's thing that will help you if something sets you off.
Generally you'd put in it things for each sense. Meds if you have them, as well as for headache or anything else you may experiense if triggered. Some distraction. May be mp3 with music that will make you feel better. Nice perfume or essencial oil. Stress ball that you can play with. Something to eat or packets of hot chocolate or tea or something else you like. Cards with quotes you like and numbers of people to call when having tough time. Some pictures, or keychain or any other item that makes you feel better...and so on...And if you start to get anxious, you use anything to make yourself reset your focus and feel better. And for me it also works on another level: when I feel horrible, I tend to be really hard to myself and also use things to calm down that are damaging in a long run(like junk food) and at those moments I don't really like myself...but when I open my emergency kit, I know I've gathered those things with desire to take care of myself and be healthier, so that also soothes me a little.