I Am A Pin Cushion Getting Pricked Every Second

[Punky143]

I think I'm trying, but spinning in circles is all "we" feel like we do. Everything and everyone triggers us. Why not at this point. My child's preditor is being released/granted bail to the very town in which he committed the acts not just on her but on 7 other girls and an adult. My husband wants to "forget" about it,move on he says. He told me last night I am selfish, everyone has their own problems, that mine are no more important than anyone else's and get over them. He told me I'm making a bigger deal then it needs to be. He triggers me. I had a best friend. She no longer talks to me nor texts me despite me trying. My father hasn't seen me or my child since the end of last winter. My life is in chaos. I can pretend to have control over something but if I try, it gets messed up. I want to run away, far away where no one knows where I am. So I am left alone to be miserable. Because I am. I am a monster.

 

[Friday]

Snort.

The idea that other people have problems (and therefore your problems don't matter) always kind of amuses me. Yeah. They've got their problems, I've got my problems. So, what? Neither of us are actually supposed to do anything about our problems, just because other people have them, too??? How does that logic work, exactly?

Also, by definition, of COURSE my problems are more important than anyone else's problems. Because they're mine. They're the problems I can actually do something about, and apply solutions to. I can't do anything about Danillo's problems, in Montenegro. Or Julie's problems in Montreal. Or even the next door neighbor (who kinda likes me, but I suspect would object rather strongly if I broke in and started organizing their life to suit myself). Each of us have problems. And it's up to each of us to sort them. Thinking everyone else's problems are the important ones that I somehow need to solve? Ummmm. Backwards?

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

@Punky143, are you in therapy? What about your husband??? @Friday said it best, but I'll just add that those kinds of comments (move on, other people have problems too, etc) are excruciatingly invalidating. Disregard what he says and do what you need to do to get support for yourself and your daughter!

 

[Punky143]

I am in counseling and my child just started. I'll be a life long member of counseling at this point I'm convinced as I/we have such a distorted view of the world and always have. Even when I was able to "maintain" normalcy, there was always"us" in there but throw knives and needles at us, then we go over the edge. I'm tired. Tired of trying to fit in and tired of trying to figure out how to even have friends. I feel physically sick most of the time not to mention how messed up the head is...but that is me now...could change in one second.

 

[aut555]

Your child so desperately needs you. Can you step out of your shoes and into your child's shoes? Has anyone thought about a survivor group from the victims left by the perp monster? Can't imagine how helpless you must feel and then being deserted in your time of desperate need. Sometimes our emotions are so draining to other people for reasons unbeknownst and unconnected to us, they jump the ship. So l guess l am saying not to take things as a personal matter, it's more really bad timing. This doesn't reflect on you or what a fantastic person you are. So glad that the person was caught at least.