You Know You Have PTSD When...

[Ronin]

You know you have PTSD when 'normal' just feels wrong...

A perfect line for summing a lifetime of feeling.
Thank you.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Filling in other twenty forms doesn't.

@Cashew That's because there is someone in the government who gets paid to think of new ways to complicate things and f*ck them up.
I am employed by the gov and I am admin but I don't deal with the public, I basically... Hmmmm well most of my time is spent watching the circle spin on my shit computer. I take care of inputting other employees time. Employees that complain the numbers for leave blah blah don't match their numbers ... Because they forgot something or other.I also process their travel.. That is too much of a mess to even think about on a Friday. When I say this is part of what I do let me emphasize "I try to" because mostly the piece of shit computer has to have several cold restarts ... Unplugging it totally and restarting during the day. Who knows what friend of who won that bid.

So don't take it personal and I'm sure whoever told you to fill out those forms has no frickin idea why you have to either.
Shit rolls downhill dude. So your frustration isn't because of your PTSD, though I'm sure it's not doing it any good.

It's because some asshole in DC had "goals" to meet. The six figure salary people always have "goals" to justify their income. So they devise a plan to meet those goals. That they have no idea how anything is processed or any idea of how frustrating it is for the client (you) or the employee.
Whoever has to give you those forms, probably has the same information in a file from forms previously submitted but worded differently or moved to a different place on the form and this doesn't matter two shits to whoever has to meet their "Goals"

Take a deep breath and carry on, I wish there was a system that made sense for you. Whoever handed them or mailed them to you is inwardly shaking their head and calculating how much longer before they can retire.

 

[Whyteferret]

@Cashew Unfortunately I can relate to the flat feeling after traumas. I think tha...

@Recovery4Me
Or you have no idea what "normal" feels like

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Whyteferret lol Possibility as I had C-PTSD onset from 3 and then multiple compounded trauma making it Sever PTSD.

However, I have been under therapy combined perhaps a decade or so...and have heard tell (from the coaching during therapist) that my "flat" is the normal for others. A program used by one shrink did feedback on vitals during visual stimulus to assist in EMDR's aftermath to regulate breath work, heart rate and such. Now at this time, things are much more scientifically advanced with the neuroplasticity, imagining ect and many programs are out there for training. I can dream at least and hope for everyone to be free one day, yes?

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@Recovery4Me @Whyteferret & @Cashew

I would like to be whole. Perhaps not totally intergrated, whatever that means but my mission is to free the children. They carried the burden and it's time. I would like to communicate with and understand my parts.
I've never been normal and it sounds kinda boring. Comfortable in my shin, that would be nice.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Alice.in.Wonderland Understood...on a deep level. (((hugs)))

~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the vein of the thread and not singling out anyone...and speaking for myself

You know you have PTSD when you feel the need to heal your children from their exposure to your flashbacks, triggers and sleepless nights. When as a parent, you see the disappointment on their face but again because you can not go on the outing as promised- outside is just too hard right now.

 

[Whyteferret]

@Recovery4Me @Whyteferret & @Cashew...

@Alice.in.Wonderland

Everyone in a family is touched by someone's PTSD (or other issues). All you can do is the best you can do.

Yup. I relate to the comfortable in your skin thing,

 

[Ronin]

So don't take it personal and I'm sure whoever told you to fill out those forms has no frickin idea why you have to either.

:hilarious::tup: I bet you're right, Alice.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I just saw shin instead of skin was on my post :laugh: I know you all knew what I meant but I gotta start somewhere and I guess my shin is a good a place as any ....

 

[UnKnown-Self]

You know you have PTSD when you talk calm and maybe a little disappointed about the terrible things you can remember but flip out like ..... well like a crazy person because you can't find your keys.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@Recovery4Me :hug::hug::hug::hug:

My children are grown now but I remember once my daughter was about ten and I was deep, real deep in the rabbit hole. I was escaping into the computer or sleeping, they were living on takeout. She came over and said "I miss you mom"
It broke my heart(and still does) and all I could say was , I'm sorry. But I still went deeper. :cry:
We are good now. I worked very hard to rebuild trust and own how much I hurt them. They love me and know now I didn't have it in me to give them what they needed but they still have the hurt child in them and I can't change that. I can only be there now when they need me. It wasn't that I didn't love them enough, I just hated myself too much. Deep breath ... On that note I'm gonna bail out of this post.

 

[Anrish]

You know you have PTSD when you cannot guarantee that you will be able to celebrate your best friend's birthday with her because she plans to invite about 10-15 people - and you don't know any of those.

You don't know what pressure is higher: disappointing her or the fear of the others.