Compulsive Lying

[Maher1998]

One of the things I really struggle with is lying to my husband. It's only gotten bad since my PTSD has escalated in severity. I feel as though it's a result of my PTSD. I've lied about so many things and it's usually to avoid some sort of conflict but it usually escalates the situation instead. I don't know what to do. It's completely destroyed my husbands ability to trust me. I feel it's one of my symptoms but I'm at a loss for how to deal. Or what I should do. How do I just stop lying?

 

[anthony]

it's usually to avoid some sort of conflict but it usually escalates the situation instead. I don't know what to do.

Yer, you do... you answered your own question. You wrote about the problem and the answer.

 

[EveHarrington]

Perhaps instead of lying, face the truth and be willing to deal with the conflict. If your marriage is destroyed then you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

[mary1979]

I struggled like this between the age 9-12, when my abuse was peaking.

I sang bs about all sorts, from imaginary older sisters to stealing pointless stuff and then pointing the finger at innocent randoms.

I finally stopped in the first year of high school because my poor memory meant that I was constantly working hard to keep track of my fairy tales and was becoming too stressed.

I found myself living the same crazy life once again when I was with my kids Dad who was also abusive. I was cheating and everyone except him knew.

I did this for a few reasons, attention seeking being one, trying to pull on over others was another.
Trying to gain some kind of control in a life that was otherwise controlled by abusers.

With all due respect, you'll need to be a little more honest with yourself before you can stop this.

Why do you DO things that you need to lie about to begin with?

 

[void]

One of the things I really struggle with is lying to my husband. It's only gotten bad since my PTSD h...

@Maher1998

This is not an ethical or moral issue in my view.

You are avoiding issues and the truth because of many complex layers of fear and/or shame and perhaps other emotions as well.

Many ppl with PTSD do this because feeling and facing these emotions is overwhelming and the desire to avoid the truth therefore becomes very powerful.

This can be solved....but it will be very difficult.

Were you punished for expressing yourself as a child?
Search within for the answer...you may find the core of it all.

You are not bad, just afraid.
I feel compassion for you...this issue is very hard.
:hug:

 

[Sideways]

Just an fyi, compulsive lying is a symptom of various different mental illnesses, including a few in the personality cluster. Might be worth exploring with a p-doc.

 

[shimmerz]

it's usually to avoid some sort of conflict

Are you seeing a therapist?

 

[Deleted member 541]

People that lie to me is a huge trigger for me. Lying doesn't do anyone any good ever. It breaks trust plain and simple. You can not have a healthy relationship with anyone when you lie. It's also like living in a fairy tale when there is no truth.

Telling the truth, facing responsibility, owning ones faults is the healthier way to go. Lying just causes more unhealthy behavior, it leads to more and more lies, trust is broken and it causes pain for everyone involved.

How do you stop lying????? Just stop!!!!!!!!

 

[Friday]

it's usually to avoid some sort of conflict

- What are other ways to avoid a conflict?
- What are other ways that you can face a conflict? (Lying is a weapon / way of facing conflict)
- What is your realistic level of risk in a conflict with your husband? AKA Are you lying to protect yourself from present day dangers (abuse, etc.), or past (he's completely safe, but you're treating him like an abuser), or...?

***

One trick I used with my son when he was working on truthfulness was changing the wording.

"Wouldn't it be cool/exciting/etc. if abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?!?" Or
"What I want to be true is ABC, but what's actually true is XYZ."
Etc.

That let the lie still trip off his tongue, but acted as both a transition, and heads up to himself about why he was lying.

'Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.' — Mark Twain