Just Diagnosed?

[N/A]

Whelp I have nowhere to start so I shall dive right in: I have had a history of anxiety for as long as I can remember. I formerly had trichotilimania when I was about 10 years old. Since 6th grade, I've been dealing with disordered eating and self harm. I was just diagnosed with PTSD, which came as a HUGE shock. It was like I was spontaneously thrown into a bottomless pool. While I grew up with a mother who was emotionally/verbally abusive/neglectful, and I do meet the criteria for PTSD, I feel like I can't have it because there wasn't one majorly traumatic thing that happened- heck, I can't even remember most of what happened now. It's just a blur of fear and distress.

Here's the part where you all will call me crazy: ever since I can remember, I've felt like something more has happened to me. I have these random slivers of memories and feelings that are completely unexplainable... I can't pinpoint what, but I'm tempted to bring it up to my therapist. Should I bring up the possibility of me not remembering something trumatic, yet is affecting me drastically to this day? Or should I just keep quiet, because I must be searching for something more to be wrong with me and I'm imagining things?

 

[Stills]

I can relate to the feeling that "something is wrong with me", like there something more, something missing. Please please PLEASE consult with your therapist. I've struggled with an eating disorder and self harm also. I've been in therapy for years and although I had that feeling, I don't think I knew how to address it or bring it up. I'm glad you reached out because I can tell you that such a feeling is definitely REAL. Your mind does not simply imagine traumatic things. I believe that if nothing was wrong, you wouldn't feel this way. You wouldn't be searching for such a thing. Trust your instincts and your emotions. Even if trauma is in the subconscious, it affects people throughout their lives. My trauma affected me throughout my entire life before I even had flashbacks of what happened to me (which caused me to target my anger at random things and people because I simply didn't know). Your feelings are valid and important. You should not keep quiet. Good luck and we are here for you.

 

[Stills]

Also, you are NOT crazy!!!

 

[N/A]

I can relate to the feeling that "something is wrong with me", like there something more, something miss...

Okay, I do believe I will open up to my therapist about this. Thank you so much for your input and your supportive words, I truly appreciate it :)

 

[PTSDfree]

My mom had BPD as well. If you feel like there's something vaguely wrong that you can't exactly describe, then think you should definitely bring it up with your therapist. It could be a dissociation type of thing or maybe something that happened early in life. You have the right to feel the way you do.

Oh, and look up C-PTSD. I don't think it's regarded as an actual form of PTSD in the DSM, but it can help describe what a lot of complex trauma and child abuse survivors have been through.

 

[Dwin]

I can relate to the feeling that "something is wrong with me", like there something more, something miss...

It is entirely possible that something so traumatic happened that your mind has completely blocked it from your memory: it can not deal with it! Definitely bring this up to your therapist. If you are feeling that you can not tell your therapist every and any thing or they cause you to think you are 'crazy': it's time for a new therapist!!!! Be sure that they specialize in treating your specific issue!
Take good care and love yourself!

 

[EveHarrington]

You're not crazy in the least. :hug:

Please do bring it up to your therapist

 

[N/A]

It is entirely possible that something so traumatic happened that your mind has completely blocked it from your memory:...

Thank you so much for your reply and your validation of my feelings :) I have this odd, random, graphic memory of being between 7-9 years old and trying to kill myself... Obviously not successful in the least bit, thank goodness, but I have no clue why I would try to do that but I know it is a real memory because it has stuck out in my mind since this happened and I remember every detail and physical feeling... Sorry to dump that all on you haha I just felt I should elaborate a tad bit upon my feeling that something else went down.

 

[N/A]

You're not crazy in the least. :hug:

Please do bring it up to your therapist

Thank you for your positivity :)

 

[N/A]

My mom had BPD as well. If you feel like there's something vaguely wrong that you can't exact...

Thank you for your reply! And I looked into CPTSD a bit, and it definitely seems to be fitting. It's a shame it isn't an official diagnosis in the DSM