Upcoming Interview, Interviewer Believes I Have Issues With People Skills.

[jaccat]

This has been going round in my head for days and I'm getting nowhere.

I have an interview next week for my manager's job position. I'm currently a supervisor. I thought I had a pretty good chance- from a technical viewpoint I have masses more experience than any of the other applicants.

However, last week I got pulled aside by a senior manager- one of the two who will be taking the interview, who told me I have to work on my people skills. Among other points he said if it weren't for my technical knowledge he'd be asking why I was a supervisor at all, that my problem was I treat everbody the same, and that he believes I can't accept criticism.

I know I can be a bit abrupt at times, that I struggle handling my frustration, and it's something I'm working on. But I honestly don't think it's as bad a problem as he makes it out to be. Now I have to get through this interview knowing that this is how this guy sees me.

They're going to ask me that question in the interview. He told me so. He says I need to think of an answer to it. I spoke to my T, who said to give examples of stuff I've done that proves him wrong, but I can't guarantee that that's going to answer the question- if they say this is the issue, what are you going to do about it?, for example. And I can't tell them they're wrong about me because that's just playing into their hands.

Truth is I have barely any sense of self-worth. Just the fact that I think I can do this job is a massive deal in the first place. The idea that I'm so self-assured that I can't handle criticism is so far from the reality that it'd be funny if it wasn't so serious.

I feel like I've already lost this job before I've even had the interview. And yet I have to go in there believing that I deserve it because it's the only chance I've got.

How do I prove to them that there's more to me than they see? How do I convince myself that I can do this?

 

[Silver.]

Do you have someone you can role play the interview with, so you can work on some of the things you think you might stumble over? Just work on your answers and what you want to say ahead of time, make some notes (the act of writing them down usually helps retain memory) and see if you can find some questions online that are typical of interviews to work on. Good luck with the promotion :)

 

[Fadeaway]

Some key points to bring up. Critasim should never be "your doing it wrong" it should always be "you are doing this right, but here is how you could do this other thing better" So if someone is just telling you how you did something wrong but not offering solutions, well no one can handle that well. To prove you can handle criticism, ask for suggestions on improving your people skills. You are open to all feedback, but that solutions to issues that result in negative feedback are imperative.

Good on you for not playing favorites.

I am super tired so my typing skills suck.

 

[jaccat]

I don't have anyone to role-play with, that's the trouble. I'm not particularly close to anyone who lives nearby. Family's a no-go, and the only tentative friendships I have are work colleagues who I supervise. I am planning on writing out what I want to say, which will help, it's just I don't know what to say.

The guy who spoke to me did offer to help me, and like I said, some of his points were valid. But at the same time he had no right to say some of those things to me. I've been really struggling to not see it as an attack on my character. Part of the problem is, when someone criticises me, I can't respond, because of my massive issues with self-worth.

He did offer to mentor me and asked what I needed from him. All I could think of was for him to tell me when I'm being like that. I'm upset that he can't see beyond that. I told him I'm not always entirely serious, and he said he'd picked up on that. He's recently transferred from another site, so hasn't known me long. He did say he realised there was more to me than first appeared.

I'm disappointed that all the other things I do have just gone unnoticed. The many hours of coaching with the less experinced team members, the advice I've given to people who are struggling. Management don't see that because I don't advertise it. And so I get accused of not being able to adapt with different types of people.

The thing is, in the interview, I've somehow got to be able to put a positive spin on it, but after what's been said to me I've been left so uncertain that I don't know how I can.

 

[Fadeaway]

Freeze response?

 

[scout86]

that my problem was I treat everbody the same

I don't understand how that's a problem. Do you? To me, "treating everybody the same" is "being fair". I'm not seeing it as a problem. (Unless you're being mean to everyone.)

that he believes I can't accept criticism.

Did he give any examples of things that inspired this belief? The fact that you've taken his comments so much to heart doesn't seem like a person who "can't take criticism". Although, I suppose there are different ways that can be a problem. One would be to get angry. Maybe another would be to melt into a puddle of self loathing? Anyway, specific examples from him would be helpful.

I have a tendency to go all "conspiracy theory" in this kind of situation and question people's motives. So, for better or worse, I'm questioning his. But (because I have to deal with "me going all conspiracy theory") the way I've learned to deal with it is 1) take what he said as "interesting and potentially useful information 2) focus on what got me here.. There's a reason you're applying for the job. There are reasons you are the best qualified applicant. Be prepared to deal with the things he mentioned, but stay focused and don't let him throw you.

Do you get periodic reviews in your current position? What have those said? How have you handled any criticism in reviews? If this comes up, being able to site specific examples of criticism you were giving at work and specific things you did to successfully respond to it is the way to go, I think.

How do I prove to them that there's more to me than they see?

I don't know that you can be sure you CAN do that, because what they decide to believe is up to them. I'd want to do that too, but that might be an idea that's better left alone, as a single purpose. This new guy said he'd already come to that conclusion. Someone who's known you longer should have too. Not your problem. You just need them to "see" that you're their best applicant for the job.

How do I convince myself that I can do this?

That's what I'd focus on. And on convincing THEM that you can do this. My T says we can practice this stuff in our own heads. Run through the potential dialog. Visualize everything you can. Walking into the room. Greeting and being greeted. What you're going to wear. How you're going to handle things. Picture it as clearly and with as many senses as possible. Imagine yourself doing things exactly the way you'd like to. Imagine getting questions you hadn't thought of and how you'd handle that. Sort of like a mental flight simulator. I think bringing it up here, to get more ideas what a great idea too. (Good luck!)

 

[joeylittle]

I think he wouldn't have been so blunt if he didn't want to see you get the job, to be honest.

What specific kinds of people skills are needed for the new position - purely from a task point of view. Is there recruiting? Conflict resolution?

Can you describe a scenario in which you prevented a situation from escalating, caught a mistake, handled a customer with a complaint and sent them away satisfied?

One thing you can do on your own is practice answering imaginary questions out loud. Might seem silly with no one listening, but actually translating thought into words and doing it repeatedly does help build confidence with any subject you'll need to speak to.

Many women develop the habit of only using the lower 1/3-1/4 of their speaking register. This often is interpreted as un-friendly. It generally comes about in puberty, as the result of wanting to be taken seriously - but it can become an issue in public speaking of any kind.

Hard to know if you are doing it or not, but if your voice tends to be a little tired after talking for a chunk of time, you probably are. Experiment with adding more upper pitch to your voice - not a lot, just a little. It can greatly expand your range of expression, which in turn creates more color in your interactions.

It's clear you really do have the skills for the position - and you can be proud of yourself for putting yourself forward.

I would actually recommend you have another meeting with the guy who gave you the clumsy feedback; like I said, if he didn't want you to succeed he wouldn't have said anything at all. Ask him to ask you some questions about anything at all - and then, when he says that you are doing whatever it is that he is reading as non-people-person-ish, get him to describe it in physical terms.

Finally, is there anyone at work or in your life you'd identify as a people person? (Usually is a mix of confident, friendly, authentic). Try and have a sit down with them and observe how they use their body, voice, eye contact, hands.

Sorry - sleepless night and I'm running off at the mouth. But I hope something helped

 

[Silver.]

Make sure that you mention the "things that go unnoticed" during the interview. Show them your strengths.
I just did some googling, they have mock interview simulators online. It is not the same as having a person to run through it with you, but maybe it will help?

 

[jaccat]

I think he wouldn't have been so blunt if he didn't want to see you get the job,

I had wondered that, but then there's the voice that tells me that's not possible, that he can't possibly care enough about me to mean that. If I could make myself believe he was trying to prepare me, maybe that would make a difference. Instead of which I came away from that meeting full of shame and self-disgust at how I handled it.

To be honest the people-skills needed in the new role aren't going to be much different to what they are in my current role. Still dealing with my team-members, customers, complaints. I do interviews now, and handle sensitive situations. The only differences would be that I would have my own supervisors and would be dealing more directly with management. And there would be odd times when I may be asked to conduct disciplinary interviews, etc., but I already have experience of sitting in on those.

I've just had a thought. I am, in fact, a qualified rep for colleagues who need someone to sit in with them in such situations. Pretty sure none of the senior managers are aware of that. There I can use examples of when I've handled sensitive situations and advised colleagues in crisis. It's a rare thing these days, not often asked for (more often they want a union rep), but I still have the ability to perform that task.

I am trying to think of situations that I can use. Thanks, @Silver-lr for the tip about the interview simulators. I've just spent twenty minutes on one of those sites. And I am getting stumped when a certain type of question comes up, usually the ones where I need to point out a mistake I made, or the more personality based questions. My mind just goes blank.

The 'treat everbody the same' comment threw me too. In fact, after the meeting I did get some feedback from my team and they said one of the things they liked about me was that I was fair and treated everyone equally. What the manager was saying, though, is that I'm too 'full on' with some of the more delicate staff members. This is where I completely disagree.

@joeylittle I don't think it's that I sound unfriendly. In fact, if anything I'm too animated when I speak. It's funny becase outside of work I'm quiet, withdrawn, shy (I hate that word), but in work it's like another version of me takes over. I'm passionate, confident, forthright, stubborn, sure of myself. Neither of them are really me, they're just versions I present. I'm actually a not bad public speaker, much to the surprise of many. Where I struggle most is in one-to-one situations where I feel over-exposed and vulnerable.

Thanks for your help, everbody. It is bringing up sone really good ideas I can make use of.

 

[Ellabella44]

I just you tubed people skills in office and a whole bunch of videos came up if you want to check them out.

 

[Suzetig]

the many hours coaching less experinced team members, the advice I've given to people who are struggling. Management don't see that because I don't advertise it.

At your interview these are the things to talk about. Think ahead of time so you have 2/3 solid examples of when you've used your people skills to good effect. The STAR model is a good way to frame your answers:-
Situation - explain a bit about what was happening
Task - explain a bit about the part that belonged to you
Action - explain about the actions you took (including the skills you used)
Result - explain the outcome

Having a couple of examples and a framework might help if nerves set in.

I would also get back in touch with this guy and take up his offer of mentoring - he wouldn't have taken the time to talk to you if he didn't want you to succeed. He's basically told you what's going to come up in the interview, so you can prepare more thoroughly, that's a good thing. And he's offering ongoing support - you must be worth investing in, which is great.

 

[Friday]

Really great advice already! Not going to repeat most of it, all I want to hit on is this piece:

Truth is I have barely any sense of self-worth. Just the fact that I think I can do this job is a massive deal in the first place. The idea that I'm so self-assured that I can't handle criticism is so far from the reality that it'd be funny if it wasn't so serious.

Criticism is the other way around... The more self assured you are the less criticism bothers you.

If you haven't read this thread, or haven't read it in awhile? Brushing up on it will probably be über helpful / it has things to use in your interview (and life). :D

Criticism - Is It Them Or You?