At Therapy Today ... T Confidentiality

[Missycat]

Hi,
This is my first start of a thread , so i hope im clear about what i want to say/ ask ( i reply to threads regularly and go on chat) ... MC just say it ..... she tells herself ! ..

I was at my T session today and the session was going well. My T had suggested we delay emdr for a little while as i had recently suffered a stroke and she wanted to ensure i was well enough before we continue. I had always struggled to open up about what happened and my past ( still do but im getting better) but after writing down what i wanted to discuss ( advice i picked up from this forum so thank you) i was able to talk about some of what had happened to me. I totally trust my T and i like that she asks questions and does work in a way that we contracted to. During the session she made a comment that has made me think ... She commented that had my abuser still been in the country ( they are no longer in the uk and i believe have no plans to return) then due to the severity and seriousness of the treatment and abuse i had suffered (and i told her the easier stuff !!) that due to her role (she is a clinical lead physcologist working within nhs) that she may have had to report my abuser to Child Protection as they could still pose a risk. I did tell her that i felt guilty as if i had reported it then i could have stopped it happening to someone else, she did explain that i should not feel guilty as i was not in a position to do that as i was a victim and needed help etc etc ( im not aware it did happen to anyone else) Upon reflection her comment has made me feel unsettled though and i have questions and the following feelings:
Guilty - which i already do along with feeling dirty and that its my fault.
Angry at myself for not saying anything when the abuse was happening.
Angry that he's got away with it and im the one suffering.
Frustrated that many family members dont know about it and all think he's a great guy.
Oh and loads more , i dont have the energy to list them !
My question is whether anyone has had this happen where a T has had to report something? I know there is a code of conduct re confidentiality and there are certain times when reporting is acceptable.
Im not berating my T , she has been and is helping me tremendously it was just what happend today that side swiped me.
Gosh sorry to go on ... Thanks for listening and welcome views , comments , advice.
Thanks all
MC

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm glad you've reached out for help by posting your first thread! :) :hug:

I can't comment on your main question but I do want to validate your feelings and say that I think many of us who survived child abuse experience a similar range of emotions and thoughts. I think that these negative emotions will resolve as you proceed through treatment. (That has been my personal experience.)

 

[trying2movefwd]

Yes. I have had it happen, but I am in the U.S.A.

 

[cat-lady]

I'm in the U.S. as well. I've had some therapists who never brought up reporting. One therapist at the University I go to said she would check with her boss if she had to do mandated reporting, then later told me she didn't have to given the specific circumstances (no knowledge of a direct ongoing threat to others). We do have some mandated reporting here but there seems to be a lot of variation on how different therapists interpret that.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

My question is whether anyone has had this happen where a T has had to report something?

Yes. I have had a social worker report an abuser and I really, really wish that had never happened. As far as I know the state didn't even take down any information because it was so long ago and there's no current threat to anyone, but still, I don't want that abuser on a list of abusers because it is so complicated. I would have a hard time with any abuser being reported, but the others I would feel would be more justified in being reported (I still feel threatened not to tell though). I have that same issue with the guilt and of knowing that what I know about certain people versus what others think of them and how different these views are. I live in the US and was in another state than my home state when it was reported.

My current therapist almost reported the daycare that we had been using when something happened to my son. It was a really tricky situation though because I believe there was no intent to abuse, but the incident left other children under-supervised and my child ended up in the ER. We were kicked out of that day care shortly after and it wasn't until a year later that I realized that she was protecting herself by getting rid of us. At times I wish we had reported her. So many negative and complicated feelings around that situation, too.

 

[GrayOwl]

Just wanted to commend you for sharing. Can't answer your question directly but you did hit a nerve on a couple points and I would like to comment.

I think most of the time things happen for a reason, and the direction, although it can be unsettling, is normal and helpful. It usually does work out for the best - even if it isn't always in the anticipated manner - good often does come from positive efforts.

The healing process is sometimes by nature unsettling. At least mine can be as I shuffle and reprocess things. It does make me uncomfortable sometimes for a while, but if it is healing, I try to endure.

Lastly, and pardon my language all to hell - and I know there are threads on this - but just how in hell is it that abusers, by their very nature, can get away with all this BULL$HIT and walk away and everyone can say "Oh what a great f***in guy. He'd never do that." Makes me wanna puke. Just jumping on your bandwagon on that one Missycat. Working on my anger issues.....can anyone tell....

I haven't had therapy in a couple weeks and its' showing. Thanks for sharing Missycat.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My question is whether anyone has had this happen where a T has had to report something? I know there is a code of conduct re confidentiality and there are certain times when reporting is acceptable.

How old are you? Im in the US so may not be the same but here we have "mandated reporters" for minors but im an adult that advised my therapist that my mom & step dad ran/was still at the time possibly running, a cult and though he encouraged me to press charges which i didnt do, he has never advised he had to report it due to a real possibilty of it happening to someone else.

Now, a minor, totally different story.

That must be scary! The real question would be to her but dont feel guilty about not telling. I didnt either and i believe my step dad raped my best friend though she wont admit it to me. Later when we got back in contact she made comments that make me sure if it.

We were made to fear our abuser, were children and scared. My therapist says my adult self cant judge what my child self did or didnt do.

Anyway, go easy on yourself! :hug: Oh and very glad the forum has helped you!

 

[trying2movefwd]

What I posted had to do with my x. He was abusive to my children. My childhood abusers are all deceased! 4 ADults to one child. Alcohol, cancer and heart attacks took them out.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Im in the US so may not be the same but here we have "mandated reporters" for minors but im an adult

Different states have different reporting mandates. For example, the state I was in had to report anything current or past even though everyone that goes there is an adult. They tell you right up front though so you know. I knew and didn't think I had said anything, but apparently I had. In my home state it is mandated to be reported if there is a child still in potential danger.

 

[Missycat]

Thanks all for the responses.
@lostforgottensoul - im 50, i think she felt she may have had to report it due to her job and that altho no longer a risk to me , could be to others.
@GrayOwl , i totally get the anger, that was the initial reason for getting help as my anger was causing relationship and health problems. For the first time in therapy i actually got angry with my abuser and it felt ok as i was in a safe place.

 

[Missycat]

It took me ages to bring myself to create the thread. Im so glad i did and i'd like to thank everyone for the responses, comments and support.
Cheers all :hug: s

 

[lostforgottensoul]

im 50, i think she felt she may have had to report it due to her job and that altho no longer a risk to me , could be to others.

I dont know, my mom & step dad possed a risk about 5 of the 7 yrs ive been in therapy, not only in country but in this State. He never advised he had to report it or even hinted to it so I doubt, being an adult and them out of country that your therapist would and being out of country the authorities honestly have no power to do anything really. I mean, the US extradites but not unless its murder or something along those lines.

I honestly dont think you have anything to worry about.