DID Working with parts in therapy

[aria]

Those with DID or DDNOS, if you are in therapy, how do you and your therapist work with the parts? Also what are the boundaries agreed and do you have outside contact with your therapist ie email/text . What have you found works and doesn't work for you?

Just interested in how others are working in therapy with the parts, how people reach the younger or more well defended parts.

 

[BlueOrange]

DID here.

I have a part that I developed specifically for talking to my therapist - I didn't realise that until I was writing this post, but I can see the truth of it. This part is aware of all the other parts (I think - it's the part that is almost always the one talking on myptsd), but has tended to monopolize the conversation, especially at the beginning. Only after 12 years of therapy did I really start to let him see other parts within me; which is when my diagnosis got changed from PTSD to DID.

My therapist doesn't email. I used to really dislike the lack of email, but I'm OK with it these days. And I can see how his personal life would disappear completely if he felt he needed to be available outside his consulting hours. Text? Hell no. I have his email address (for documents that need to move around), but wouldn't know how to text him.

My youngest, most protected parts have been unable to make words (they don't think in words, much less speak). Recently, the last few months, I've (the therapy part) been insisting to them 'use your words' - they're starting to do words now.

The short answer? Very, very slowly - after he (and I) had demonstrated that the parts which fight to defend were acceptable, it started to be possible to come out into the light with less-visible parts (the really scary stuff).

 

[Dissociated1]

Outside contact with each of the 5 psychologists and therapists I have worked with has been the same; for emergency use only. In several thousand hours of therapy I have made one phone call and sent one email.

I am not aware of my trauma therapist ever having intentionally brought an alter to front in a session. I generally speak for my System although my female alter occasionally steps in when she has a specific point to make or to say something I do not know. When I begin to dissociate or one of my alters is triggered by our conversation, my therapist does her best to keep me grounded and in the present. Regardless of who happens to be speaking, she does not distinguish and talks to us as in unbroken continuity as a single person.

 

[aria]

DID here.

I have a part that I developed specifically for talking to my therapist - I didn't realis...

Yeah, I have a part that goes to therapy. She has access to what the others are feeling but she's sort of like a filter for what gets out... which isn't very much currently. For the younger parts we use art and play therapy but it's still very hard to access. Like you said, some parts don't have words.

 

[aria]

Outside contact with each of the 5 psychologists and therapists I have worked with has been the sa...

Is that okay for you, to be spoken to as 1 person and not acknowledge the parts? Is that what you both decided? My therapist says there's two thoughts of how to work with parts and one is to not really acknowledge the parts as separate and to encourage integration and the other way is to work with each part as it comes. We work with the parts.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

My husband and I do a bit of a mix of the two approaches .. I see and interact with him AS ONE .. but if one of his "parts" is predominant (especially his "Grumpy" or "Femmy") they at times think of themselves as separate .. they know they're a "part" of the whole man, but rarely they need to have their "own" needs/desires addressed as unique ..

It's very HEALING for my husband to know I "see" him as a WHOLE person .. It's encouraging to each "part" when I recognize them and love each for what he BRINGS to the whole person ..

It's all very delicate .. but when my husband realized I LOVED "all" of him and WHY each part of him had positive meaning from my perspective, he began to regain a more "positive" perspective of himself which seriously aided internal communication and cooperation ..

And we pray. A LOT. ;-) And we have a policy of total disclosure with each OTHER .. and so far "all" of him seems to be keeping that forefront in our conversations .. No hiding allowed. But this means I also must be VERY alert and careful with his more tender and vulnerable sides. Cuz we are working to eradicate shame and judgment and any unhealthy "expectations" as they show up .. and I ain't altogether "whole" either .. We believe everyone has "parts" to some degree .. Some are just more .. um .. well defined than others. :-)

~WU

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Therapists who talked to me "as if one" totally unhinged me. Therapists who have worked with parts separately have had so much more success - I feel heard and understood.

 

[aria]

Therapists who talked to me "as if one" totally unhinged me. Therapists who have worked wi...

Same here, working with parts helps me so much. Before I was aware I had parts, I could never understand my behaviour or the vast swings in temperament or mood and now I'm beginning to recognise switches.

 

[pixel]

I get jealous when my parts go to my appointments. They rob me of the time *i* need with my T.

Hatched a plan :sneaky:
So if a part goes to therapy, my T will spend half the session with them and then ask for me to come out.

If switching like a merry-go-round in the days becore my session, I will write a note explaining whats been happening and whoever takes us to the appointment hands it over for my T to read.

Dont do emails or texting.

 

[Green pastures]

My husband and I do a bit of a mix of the two approaches .. I see and interact with him AS ON...

I am about to the start of year 2 in realizing I do indeed have a traumatic history, I do indeed have CPTSD, and I do indeed have DID.
@WhisperingUnicorn, this does indeed (haha sorry I'm fixated on the word indeed right now.) This sounds like the way my amazing Mentoring Counselor approaches my therapy in how she is helping my husband learn how to help us interact with all of me.
What I have struggled with is the fact that a lot of talk (as in on the Internet, in books...etc, not in my therapy though) is around how DID is at least one or more parts have total amnesia from one another. I never have felt this way. Hmm that is all I have to say for now other than, thank you for posting your experience in your own life, in your family.
And yes prayer, and Faith in Jesus is ..yes, I can honestly say, only way I'm able to be as functional as I am. It is so not easy, but slowly I see how, life is not about what is fair or not fair, rather it is about, what I am going to do with this life I've been given.

Am I going to (I'm totally only speaking about myself now, please I hope no one thinks I am speaking of anyone but all of me...) let my circumstances and past stop me from living or will I dig in ans learn and grow into who it is God created me to be.
@WhisperingUnicorn now I have so many questions pop into my head, but for now I just wanted to say thank you. I do have questions but they are personal and related specifically to your experience and I don't like sharing my personal information publicly...well this part of me doesn't (my protective part, (one of my protectors)) ..Okay I'm rambling I'm sorry. ..

@aria to answer your questions.... therapist work with my younger parts. Yes. And also wholly. It is difficult to grasp, however, for me, I have this part, Hope, that ? Understands and accepts like drinking water. My Littles and protectors do get confused at times and feel hurt, offended, cast aside when my Mentoring Counselor (MC) wants me to try to be "one". However, whenever this happens, (to answer your second question... yes, I do email my MC when issues arise. MC told me it is okay to email her as long as i remember she cannot address it outside of our appointments in person, that is the agreement and boundary). Do I sometimes long for MC to email me when I email. OMG yes to the biggest number!!! However, I also know since it was what was discussed up front that it will be addressed in person.
Is it easy for me to talk about my questions I have when parts of me feel slighted, ignored, or pushed aside. f*ck yes! It is the hardest things I face in therapy, however, our therapy relationship has allowed me to know (by her gentle reminders, I can either take it with me or I can share it in my safe place with a safe person who is here to help me). I am not sure if I addressed all your questions @aria however I am going to post this so I can see if I did or didn't.

 

[Green pastures]

Those with DID or DDNOS, if you are in therapy, how do you and your therapist work with the parts? Also wh...

To answer the how does your therapist work with your younger, protected parts.....it is Trust!! It took time for all of me to develop trust. Sometimes. We misread it and the suffering between sessions sucks inside of me. Terribly. However, when, I can share with my therapist between sessions which for us is, one email a day (currently) of needed. And if it is important and I want to address it, I highlight it. Now I'm also to the point that I long for the, in-person interaction. So myou system bravely tried to write down what I wanted to say (wait let me backtrack...)
Starting in January of this year I started weekly meeting up with a dear friend who also has DID. This person has known about her diagnosis for over 8 years. So her friendship has helped me tremendously in developing trust, understanding, and confidence. I also have another friend I recently met in person who also has known about her DID for about 8 years also and we all get along great (all of us). In addition, in February of this year it, by God's grace and Providence worked it out so, I've cut off contact with my childhood abusers.
For me what works is...yes I do email her, I sometimes am hurt by her because of misunderstanding...however the only way I can heal, for me, is to be (when I'm healed...eventually) addressed when I delve into really trying to process my deep wounds is to be my adult self.
Because, for example a topic .... I will try to keep it as non-triggering as possible... physical intimacy with my husband... recently (less than a week ago) my teenage part wanted to be the one in control ...and was so angry at me that she didn't get to do this. We (my system) has developed and learned to trust my Counselor (my Mentoring Counselor (MC)), and it just so happens, we see her for marriage counseling and he sees her for individual... it happens that this ocured on a day we both had individual sessions..and the thing we are (marriage) working on is open, honest communication...so I told him how my teenage part felt..he shared it with MC. I had my session immediately after him...we passed paths in the waiting room and he said he needed to talk to me about it later. When he did ..wow my teenage part was even angrier at ME! it was terrible, however, I had already set up two sessions for this week (last week) and the next day, I wrote out what ..well she my teenage part) wrote out what she wanted to say and we addressed that during my session.
Sorry I'm rambling, it is hard for me to answer questions without exact details. I hope it helps.

Now during marriage sessions I'm agreed internally and externally to be my adult self. Because it is healing and safe for me bestly (yes I made up a word)... to be my adult..unified to the best of my ability self as I can.
Does this mean I do not struggle to stay present. ...wow, no it is the most difficult thing to do and parts of me even get upset and I do almost shut down. However the only way this works is my counsleor..our counsleor has this amazing relationship with us so she can see when I'm struggling (she knows my tells so to speak)... so she helps me be present again. And it is not to prevent myou younger parts from talking, it is to prevent retraumatization..my Littles took on so much ..and they were needed in the past and still in the present, however, the only way to heal for me is to know, I'm safe in the present and it is safe to allow my adult self to speak of behalf for all of me, all-the-while knowing I will f*ck up. My husband will f*ck up. My therapist and I will misinterpret and misunderstand each other. However the only way to connect and remain safe is to address the scary things in the safety of my safe place.

So for me, yes, I do understand both wanting to be all my different parts and how each of them need time. Yet, I also understand how being an adult with all of me speaking to me inside and me answering for them is so healthy for us, yet understanding Grace is imperative in the healing journey and it is a process and no one .. no matter what emotional wound and mental illness one may possess... the only way to heal is VULNERABILITY AND HONESTY! fully speaking your own personal truth in the safety of the confines of your therapist office is how self-discovery and healing begins.
Truly one of the best things I do, that came natural to me, was and is journaling.

I write and allow all of us (my parts) to writem their feelings. Does this lead to chaos at times. Yes!! However, when this happens it is okay, it is a process. Processes take time.
For me one of the most helpful things is my resources and the script God helped me write out and share with my therapist.
She read it at my session, I recorded it (with permission of course... I record my sessions so I remember what is discussed because a lot of times, even though I know wholeness is my key to healing, I still do not remember my sessions without listening to and reviewing them.) Anyway. Back to my point before my rabbit trail tangent... my resource "script" is personalized and another thing in my "toolbox" to help me function.

I'm sorry I wrote so much, I feel this deep need to be exact in my details.
I hope what I said helps and encourages you @aria.
Be blessed...

 

[Dissociated1]

Is that okay for you, to be spoken to as 1 person and not acknowledge the parts?

I apologize for the confusion. I did not mean to imply my therapists talk to me "as if one" when I said "regardless of who happens to be speaking, she does not distinguish and talks to us as in unbroken continuity as a single person." My therapists acknowledge my parts, considers the frame of reference I have of myself as real for purposes of therapy. But each of us in my System realize we are part of Self. It is my Inner Self Helper's choice that I represent the System as primary alter in and out of therapy.