Childhood Tired Of The Social Issues...

[LateInThe Day]

Still quite new to the whole forum/posting/actually discussing childhood, feeling a bit nervous but here goes.... So, following a few years of working through lots of CPTSD and abuse issues, I haven't socialised much as it just seemed to be getting more difficult and stressful.

At the weekend, I actually went out. I talked to a group of people and came away thinking that I'd really messed up (inner/external critic - I know). Thought I made it awkward as I struggled with some of the conversations, I talked too much to one of the people and she must have thought I was weird (classic 'mind reading'), and I went on a bit too much to someone's aunt. Anyway, my H said he'd got a text from his friend at the event saying lots of nice things, great to see me, the things I'd advised her on had been really helpful and had inspired her and 'please tell her thanks', aunt said nice to meet me please come again. I said to my H that I thought I'd made it awkward and he explained that I hadn't, but the place we all met at was a bit awkward and everyone felt it. (Just an add here - I am NOT in anyway fake bragging about how socially amazing I am! If anything, it goes to show how I still struggle with perfectionism...)

It was nice to hear (surprising too - I've realised that I think people always just put up with me - obviously more work to do there), but at the same time I'm still really, really shocked that my view of reality is still so distorted. I know it's because my mum used to create daily situations where I'd make unavoidable 'mistakes' in something I said or did and then she'd have an excuse for sadistic, narcissistic rages to punish me.

At least I can now see it in context of my childhood... another step on the way I guess... does anyone else find social anxiety/perfectionism hard?

Thanks

 

[Ldm0899]

I have a hard time getting close to anyone. I have a bf of 4 years and he is the only one besides my sister that I even talk to. I've tried making friends, but once personal things come up I back out. I'm no good with socializing.

 

[EveHarrington]

Just want st say congrats on a successful social outing! :)

 

[LateInThe Day]

I have a hard time getting close to anyone. I have a bf of 4 years and he is the only one besides my si...

So true Eve, I'd forgotten that point! As crazy as it might sound to someone that didn't understand, it was a big step.

Ldm0899 - I know what you mean. I find it hard getting close to anyone and it's a relief to know others are the same. I've had people that I'm generally friendly with, but never close to, but even that seemed too much hard work over the last few years. I have a bf who also had some childhood issues and my H, they're the only ones I really talk to because they understand and I don't have to keep up any pretence.

 

[Ldm0899]

. I've had people that I'm generally friendly with, but never close to, but even that seemed too much hard work over the last few years.

thats exactly how i feel, i have plenty of acquaintances (im a bartender) but if they try and turn it into anything more like a real friendship i immediately find a reason not to go out or do whatever it is they want me to. also if im not in control of the situation i become extremely socially awkward.

 

[Tinyflame]

Good for you! :tup:

I'm not socially as visibly awkward as I feel, I can 'do it' & have started to go out more, but frankly I do feel like I'm just waiting for the Mother Ship to come pick me up (hopefully asap). I feel pretty shattered & vulnerable, truth be known. I find it mostly draining.

 

[Ldm0899]

If i get pulled out into public, and dont have a distraction or a point of interest im gone as soon as possible.

 

[Ldm0899]

if i try to stick it out, i end up getting angry. and that never turns out well. but its awesome that you can do it, even if you want to flee. you have the courage i dont to handle it.

 

[LateInThe Day]

if i try to stick it out, i end up getting angry. and that never turns out well. but its awesome that y...

You could call it courage, but I heard Mary Portas (UK business woman) on the radio saying how her and her siblings lost their family one way or another and how brave they all were at starting businesses and being independent. She said a lot of their 'bravery' was motivated by fear of having limited resources and no family to fall back on. I think when I socialise it's the usual basic human activity stuff, plus issues of childhood abandonment and isolation. Also my mum's side has a fair number of people who turn into those that refuse to ever leave the house, watch tv all day, are always miserable and hate EVERYONE. I don't want that - I must get out and force myself to talk to people even though it hurts!! :wtf:

 

[LateInThe Day]

G

Good for you! :tup:

I'm not socially as visibly awkward as I feel, I can 'do it' & have started to go o...

W

That's exactly how it feels! Like the mothership reference by the way. Though I can 'do' it, afterwards I feel like I need to lie down for a day to get over it.

 

[Ldm0899]

Sorry I can't figure out the quote thing. I guess a lot of my issues are I'm a bartender so I'm in control but I also get to socialize, and if I don't want to I just keep myself busy. So actually socializing without my job is super hard for me. Believe it or not my BF actually mentioned this shortly after I posted on your thred, about how I need to get out of the house and start being human again. I know I said I get angry, it's not at others but at myself. And thank goodness he understands. Im super happy you can make it through it, it gives me hope that I can as well.

 

[RussH]

Sorry I can't figure out the quote thing

Simply highlight the sentence you want to quote, then you will see quote/reply in the lower right hand corner, click on reply, and it will put the sentence you want to reply to in a comment box.