Venting Room

[Bayou baby]

My need to vent today

I relized last night that my husband, rehabilitated drug user, is looking to going back to that life. He can't while he's with me because I won't lose him. I almost lost him the 2nd trip to Iraq, when he was hit. He picks fights every night and says very hurtful things. He's trying to get me to leave, so he has the fuel and reasons to return to being addicted to drugs. Slowly it's getting harder to stand up after he says those very hurtful things, but not today. I AM ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!

I will not lose him to drugs. I am not giving up on his healing. We suffered a loss of a close friend on Sunday and I know this is upsetting him, but WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!

The drug life is not going to take my husband. I am as hard headed as they come :wall: I will not back down, I will not leave him and I say aloud.............I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!!!

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

I am so tired of trying to make everyone happy and always worrying about others feelings!!! I'm tired of putting myself last and everyone else first. I'm tired of my brain/mind convincing me otherwise.

 

[Marlene]

I'm so flipping tired of being tired. Yeah, I get it that my body was stressed for weeks and I didn't even realize it until the stress was lifted. But come on! I went through almost a year and a half of every day feeling like this and wondering if I was going to feel like this for the rest of my life. Those same damned thoughts come back when I feel like this. And the 'feeling like a freak of nature' feelings come along for the ride.

I'm so sick and tired of having such limited energy and having that limited energy sucked up by stupid PTSD symptoms to the point that holding my head up takes an effort. This is ridiculous!

 

[Tessa]

Meltdown
I have been in bed for 2 days unable to face the world. I am sick of living with PTSD I feel like no one understands or cares.
Today is a better day I got up and faced the world again...
Tessa

 

[skyp56]

Skyp56 Daily Vent

Well, I thought I have been doing so well lately...

But I feel extremely angy, frustrated, guilty, and sad-all at the same time this morning. I just had another break down and cry episode. I guess the good thing is that I'm not having those spells every day, for now.

I am angry and sad because I have been just too tired to see my grandson. The heat of summer just makes me lethargic, and I haven't had much energy at the best of times. This creates more guilt, which makes more anger, etc.

And more anger and frustration is because my husband, though he has picked up side jobs, is still not working at a full-time job yet. I have been in high anxiety since he lost his job back in March. Unless he gets working within another month we won't be able to keep up the mortgage payments.

I know no one promised life to be good...

....just venting
Skyp56

 

[Tessa]

Angry and Sad

Last night my daughter (who has been raped) told me that I knew nothing and had a good life and her depression was far worse than mine. She lives on ante depressants and alcohol cuts herself and we are on 24 hour care of her which is exhausting.
I apparently am not allowed to be selfish enough to have my own meltdown...
I am trying to stay afloat.

Tessa

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Explain to me why your time is more important than mine?!?

I am here at work on time every single day at 8am sharp - why do you insist on coming in at 3:30 - and then spend 2 hours chatting with everyone else - and expect me to stick around until YOU are ready to go over what you need from me - now (yet again) - I will not be getting off until 7pm -

Thanks - oh yeah - and thanks for not giving me a raise this year since we are "cutting back" - yet I still see us paying for your first class flights and $2500 dinners - nice - real nice!

 

[Marine0311]

I want to Mount a 50cal to my truck and just blast every idiot driver off the road! Either that or Install and big reinforced Steel Bumber to just push them out of the way!

Maybe I should drink a bottle and watch Mad Max.......

 

[stephenrh]

The guys I work with making stupid remarks. The younger guys don't say anything but it's the older guys that have been in a while, the ones who should know better.

Especially when it's people you've lived, worked and deployed with for over 5 years who're supposed to be your mates slagging you off behind your back.

 

[dharmaBum]

Explain to me why your time is more important than mine?!?

I am here at work on time every single day at 8am sharp - why do you insist on coming in at 3:30 - and then spend 2 hours chatting with everyone else - and expect me to stick around until YOU are ready to go over what you need from me - now (yet again) - I will not be getting off until 7pm -

Thanks - oh yeah - and thanks for not giving me a raise this year since we are "cutting back" - yet I still see us paying for your first class flights and $2500 dinners - nice - real nice!

ouch- do I hear a whistle blow?

 

[tricia]

Thankyou

Thank you to all the people who have vented, I didn't think this was happening to anyone else. The confusion, the loneliness, the rejection or lack of understanding of others. I am reading all that you have written and crying, it's not just ME, maybe I'm not mad. Thank you.

 

[skyp56]

Feeling Like A Failure...

Just had my 5 year-old grandson overnight, and it was a rough one. I could have had him for another few hours, but chose to have my daughter pick him up earlier instead. As frequently happens when he is here, I don't get enough sleep, so get tired very early in the mornings.

I used to feel so much joy seeing my grandson, but lately have found it extremely difficult to be with him. He likes to play rough, "wrestling", hitting, kicking, etc, like with his friends. I used to just let him "play" that way with me, because I thought it was a stage he'd grow out of. He didn't, and now I've had it with him. I have been telling him over and over to play more gently with gramma, but he doesn't take me serious. Maybe I haven't been so good about enforcing it.


This morning he happened to hit me right in a part of my back that is extremely sore from constant spasms. It hurt so bad it brought tears to my eyes. So I sat him down and had a talk with him. I could see he was getting upset, and I was starting to tear up too. So I unpaused the tv on the show he was watching, and walked out of the room


I went out and picked peas in my garden for awhile, and let myself cool off. I came back in and played with him for awhile. Not long after, my daughter called to say she was done with her dr apppointment, and did I want her to pick him up now. She really had wanted me to keep him for most of the day today. But I was just so upset, and so tired, that though I tried to "talk myself into it", I just had to say no, I can't keep him longer, please come and get him.


So, now I'm sitting here crying, about my limitations, and being in too much pain, and too tired to play with him as much and as vigorously as he needs me to. I feel so guilty for not keeping him longer. My daughter is pregnant, and is trying to finish up setting up the nursery. I wanted so much to help her with it, but just can't.


I feel like a failure as a gramma! And I feel like such a whiny baby! I see other people, older than I am, complaining about pain, but they don't seem limit their lives or their time with family and friends. Why can't I just "take it like a big girl"?


Thanks for listening!
skyp56