Will This Affect My Recovery?

[JFSurvivor]

I was abused in high school and no one believed me when I said something was wrong. My parents refused to take me out of the school and to this day they refuse to admit what happened despite me being diagnosed with PTSD and despite seeing the effects of the PTSD.

Will this affect my recovery? I probably should mention that I still live with them.

 

[scout86]

I'm not sure what you're thinking of when you use the word "affect". Somethings make stuff easier, some make it more complicated. Being believed and taken seriously by the people you live with certainly seems like it would be a plus. Being able to limit your exposure to people who don't believe you or take you seriously would also be a plus, I think. In your situation, you'll have to add "learning to deal with their stuff" to the list of your own stuff you need to deal with. It's a thing, for sure, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

 

[JFSurvivor]

I'm not sure what you're thinking of when you use the word "affect". Somethings make stuff easier, some make it more complicated. Being believed and taken seriously by the people you live with certainly seems like it would be a plus. Being able to limit your exposure to people who don't believe you or take you seriously would also be a plus, I think. In your situation, you'll have to add "learning to deal with their stuff" to the list of your own stuff you need to deal with. It's a thing, for sure, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

*sigh* This is not what I was hoping for tbh. I have been dealing with other people's crap for so long and last time I got PTSD from it! I know that won't happen again but why do I have to keep shouldering the consequences and the weight of other people's poor choices?

 

[scout86]

My therapist has requested that avoid asking myself questions that begin with the word "Why". He says I can ask HIM those questions, if I absolutely can't come up with another way to word the question, but just him. LOL There IS no good answer to your question. Is it right or fair? Probably not. But when did you sign a contract promising you that anything was going to be fair? You want to get your life back on track and this is just part of what you have to deal with along the way. Sorry!

 

[Suzetig]

I'm not sure how you get PTSD from dealing with other people's crap - simply put if we want to be in relationship with other people we need to, from time to time, deal with the impact of their stuff on us. We don't need to adopt it as our own, carry it for them or take it on board but we need to acknowledge its there.

Good therapy will help you sort out what's your stuff and what's theirs. For example, someone did something to me that was very wrong (not talking about PTSD inducing abuse wrong, but a clear violation of my boundaries). It triggered something in me that caused a huge reaction in me. The trigger, and my reaction was all my stuff, yes triggered by his behaviour, but mine. The original thing he did wrong was his stuff - to acknowledge and apologise for, which he didn't and we have a very distant, superficial relationship now (me tightening boundaries in response to someone who didn't respect me).

So, your parents not believing you or accepting you have PTSD is their stuff, you can't control what they do with that. You can own the impact is has on you and how you respond to them and the kind of relationship you have with them (your stuff). Being impacted doesn't mean carrying their their crap, it means deciding how you want to respond.

 

[JFSurvivor]

I'm not sure how you get PTSD from dealing with other people's crap - simply put if we want to be in relationship with other people we need to, from time to time, deal with the impact of their stuff on us. We don't need to adopt it as our own, carry it for them or take it on board but we need to acknowledge its there.

I probably should have been more clear. I was severely emotionally abused and sexually assaulted and sexually bullied on multiple occasions. That is how I got PTSD.

We lack good boundaries in my house so it is very hard to separate my stuff from theirs. I will have a talk with them about it though.

 

[Suzetig]

Ok, that came from people who treated you badly - that's different from carrying their crap for them in that they made a deliberate choice to mistreat you. It's an important distinction because one puts the blame on you for not managing "properly" and the other places responsibility at people who abused you.

Part of your recovery will be looking at how you set appropriate boundaries for yourself and how you maintain them when others struggle to respect you. The aim is to get to a place where, in spite of poor boundaries in your family, you know your own limits and can work within them without compromising yourself more than you want to. It's just part of the journey.

 

[JFSurvivor]

Part of your recovery will be looking at how you set appropriate boundaries for yourself and how you maintain them when others struggle to respect you.

So then that leads me to the question: how does one set appropriate boundaries?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Being able to limit your exposure to people who don't believe you or take you seriously would also be a plus, I think. In your situation, you'll have to add "learning to deal with their stuff" to the list of your own stuff you need to deal with. It's a thing, for sure, but it doesn't have to be the end of the world.

Agreed 1000Xs! My therapist and I are currently working on my dad's & step mom's new dynamics in the home (they live with me, i work & pay the bills & they pay me rent).

We are working on boundry setting. Specifically its just what we dont talk about. We can connect in other ways and all runs way smoother if we dont talk about my trauma or PTSD.

Ive had to go through hell to get to this radical acceptence that they just arent going to believe me, or get trauma or PTSD is its due to their small mindness, not for my lack of trying. But its all ok as we can connect through other things like taking my dad out to play pool for instance. My therapist said him and his brother does this and they connect over sports.

Let it be the elephant in the room. Set that boundry. And limit exposure to them if they are talking about it. Repeat that this is not to be discussed (or how ever you set the boundry) and walk away if its continued to be discussed.

You have a right to talk about or not talk about what you wish. But you must first accept that they just wont believe you or get it and that does suck (no one believes my trauma so i do get that) but you dont have to have people believe it to start to heal from it.

We believe it. I leaned on this site in those times where i just needed someone, anyone believe me other than my therapist and it helped! :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, it will probably affect your recovery.

I'd move out ASAP if you can.

Set a boundary, set consequences for the boundary. Enforce the consequences when the boundary is crossed.

Many people don't have consequences for when their boundaries are crossed and then wonder why people still walk all over them. Boundary setting is so much more than simply stating your boundaries. If you only state your boundary, it's as if nothing was said at all if you don't have consequences for when the boundary is crossed.

 

[Deleted member 541]

From my experience... YES, this will affect your healing. Unless, you can understand with 100% that the ones that don't believe you, it's THEIR issue and has basically nothing to do with what you experienced, how you process your trauma and your healing.

I was molested by 2 family members(other trauma from different sources too) but when I finally got sick of it and told my mother.... She called me a whore and said I deserved it. Even on her death bed over 15 yrs later, she refused to talk about it. It was always my fault. As a child I would tell any adult that I could, and when they approached my mother and spoke of it, she would say things like, " Oh Wendy is a bit nuts, that never happened, she's just acting out". No one took me serious.

It became one of my bigger triggers when people wouldn't believe me over silly or stupid shit. Took me many many many years to figure out that it didn't really matter, that it was their issue that they didn't believe me, for whatever reason they had.

Don't let this get to you, try to figure out a way to not let it become a bigger issue than it is.....

 

[The Albatross]

It can make your recovery stronger though it is harder and more problematic. It depends entirely on you... autonomy, self reliance, and being grounded in the fact that you're experiences are yours no matter what their dynamic is. It is not an easy row to hoe, but it can be done even if you are living in the home. If that wasn't the case I wouldn't be married still (26 years). Easier? Yeah it would be easier, but there is a whole lot of maturing, learning, choosing and deciding for yourself that can grow in the post-traumatic process.

Post traumatic growth is worth reading up on and I'm glad you're here.

Boundaries are tough... my family and even both my present and ex husbands, and myself had none. Skills to be acquired and you can frame it that way. Are my boundaries always respected, hardly. But is there improvement... oh heck yeah. We teach people how to treat us... and it doesn't have to be a show down... sometimes it's being an example. Boundaries will be tested because people fear/are uncomfortable with change and that affects the status quo. But it's a worthwhile pursuit and a dang good thing to know.