No Competitive Games

[Rani G2]

There is one behavioral range (Not being sure of self-worth) I dont want to identify myself with. When I say this I mean ofcourse having these tendencies in me, but after working, forming, realising in therapy sessions and by myself I do feel that I have taken a big step into the process of truly understanding that my dignity is there no matter what.

My upbringing was influenced by competitive family/social background. Beauty, intelligence and social status was been admired and honoured. If one looses or lets say wont fulfill any of these standards you have been ignored or treated as someone inferior.

I still feel this tiny portion of fear of not being seen. Its not bothering me that much like it use to a few years ago, but its not a nice state to be in.
For an example: I was invited for a party, people were care-free talking and interacting with each other, but I had difficuilty mixing in. I felt slightly invisible, but I tried to get in touch with my inner self to realise, that I am sure of myself, I am here and I am okay with me. I tried to listen what others were talking about maybe just to elegantly mix in with a statement, but that didnt happen. Its not about blaming others, its more about how can one be comfortable with him/herself even without any attention at all.

Is anyone else coping with such thought/emotion structures?

Shankara

 

[sedna]

There is one behavioral range (Not being sure of self-worth) I dont want to identify myself with. Wh...

I had the same type of value system growing up that you described, then got myself into work and marriage situations where it was the same.
It's been quite a while since I still felt a part of that mindset or was affected by it very much though, so I can't say I'm still trying to cope with that.

Status, beauty, success and impressive, unique, interesting personalities and lives were a requirement for existing and if you don't measure up you have no real value. Whether your loved, or even valued at all depends on your ability to make the cut in your families standards.

Be weary of allowing yourself to feel like you're invisible or unworthy around people that have nothing to do with your family, because you'll just be attracting the same type of people into your life to reinforce that belief.

Its been my experience that the people who appeared so successful or special were totally hollow, lacking and dysfunctional people under all the superficial show.
Saying I regret the amount of energy spent trying to be worthy of their approval is a massive understatement, there aren't words for that kind of regret.

When you feel invisible it's because you don't have your polished image up to hide behind at the moment. You're not less there when that happens, you are more there. Better people will notice you when you're like that too.

 

[Rani G2]

Hey Coco,

When you feel invisible it's because you don't have your polished image up to hide behind at the moment. You're not less there when that happens, you are more there. Better people will notice you when you're like that too.

Another perspective to see it. Thanks.

 

[Friday]

I'm from somewhere on the other side of the street with this one.

Similar family structure... Except possibly... My family are all -or mostly- really good people. Not exactly sure from your post if that's the case for you or not.

The difference is that I prefer to be invisible :p I work really hard at it. I don't like recognition, don't like my name known, don't like being talked about.

I've been thinking on this one a lot, recently, as it's coloured a great deal of my adulthood.

To follow the same sort of example? At parties or gatherings where I stick out like a sore thumb -either because I don't blend in, OR am being sought after- I need to vanish &/or leave. In either case. And it's always in the back of my mind. How much are people paying attention to me? If it's too much, for any reason, I'll make a concerted effort first to fade into the background, to blend or become less conspicuous... And if that fails, will make my exit. In whatever way is the least noteworthy.

 

[Rani G2]

@FridayJones
I used to think that both ways, wanting to be seen (Seen in the sense, how you really are, though I at times dont know what this suppose to mean) And avoiding it, both as being somewhat afraid of what you will get or not get from the outside. Disliking judgement, labeling and so on. Or not getting the appreciation or recognition from others(Like I feel at times).

A healthy condition would be to really know oneself's needs and act upon.“ If I like to be around others, I would seek out for them, even if I might not get any attention, and at the same time I like to be with myself“.

 

[Rani G2]

Similar family structure... Except possibly... My family are all -or mostly- really good people. Not exactly sure from your post if that's the case for you or not.

Most of them were afraid that their facade will fall apart, which is understandable in a culture that is based on a certain value system. So that was their/our way of acting and it wasnt always a very human friendly way. Which doesnt mean that the individual doesnt carry any responsibility.