Well where to start? I guess from the beginning. I have been going through some financial problems the last month and have hence not been able to go up to the ranch. Of course in my absence they called me to make sure everything was all right. Kind of embarrassed, I came clean with them and told them what was going on and said I reluctantly could not attend therapy until I got my finances in order. It is an hour and a half drive one way and gas is just too expensive for me to afford every week (mind you this is free therapy at no cost to me or my insurance company) In reply to that phone call one of the service members that I ride with offered to drive an hour and a half out of his way to pick me up and an hour and a half out of his way to bring me home. This almost brought me to tears, but my story doesn't end here. After the session last week, as he was dropping me off, he handed me $100.00 bill that apparently the ranch had put together for me so I could afford gas money to come and go from therapy, but yet there's more...
Fast forward to this week (yesterday). When I got to the ranch they were prepping for the hurricane. They actually called me en route to cancel, but because I was already under way they told me to continue on and they would still have a session when I got there. When I arrived I was greeted by my therapist; as if the $100 dollars wasn't enough she also had a $25.00 shell gas card waiting for me. The first thing I noticed as I walked down to the barn was smoke; they were burning downed trees in one of the pastures. The only problem is the fire started to run when the wind picked up and all the debris needed to be collected and put back in a neat pile in the center of the fire pit, but it was all on fire. It just so happens that I carry my old turnout gear in the tool box of my truck (I haven't donned it since I retired) and this was my chance to go to work. I quickly suited up and started to stomp out the fire and pick up the smoldering fuel and move it back to the center of the fire pit. This was the first part of my therapy session. There is usually work to do at the ranch, but never have I got to work in my element. It felt great to be able to suit up again. My gear has sat idle for 2 years; I smell it every time I open my tool box, and it brings me back, but this time I actually got to put in some work, it put my confidence level through the roof.
Speaking of confidence, I was reunited with Coffee yesterday. I haven't been on her in over 2 months. I was feeling really good. I was feeling good that I got to fight a brush fire, good that I was on my regular horse, just good all around. The lead instructor kind of noticed my radiance and asked, "...have you ever cantered before..." I answered "No, I don't think so". I was feeling courageous though and I wanted to give it a try. He walked me through the steps first at a walking pace then at a trotting pace, then he told me to give her a kick with my spurs and there she went into a beautiful smooth canter. I had the biggest smile on my face, and now my confidence level was really high.
And if all this wasn't enough, one of the girls I ride with had also put together some money for me, to help me out. She gave me another $70.00. I am so use to people giving up on me, that when all this happened it made me realize how truly blessed I am to have these people in my life. This is my doctor who works for free, because she believes in giving back to the veteran community. She gains no monetary value by doing what she does, only piece of mind. For her (and the other people out at the ranch) to come together for me in a time of need shows me they are so much more than a "doctor's office". They are friends, they are family. I know I've given praise to them before, but I don't feel I can give enough. My hope is that all PTSD sufferers find what I have found in this ranch and that is a family that understands and has compassion and a dedication to treat and help no matter the cost. The people at the ranch have really restored my faith in humanity.
