Childhood Gang Rape

[scout86]

@Bloomy, I think that was a language problem! Sorry I worded it that way!!! What I meant was, I don't believe you seduced your "father" and it was outrageous that she said that you had. (Sometimes, in America, we use a question like that when we think it's obvious that the event never happened. Your English is so good, I sometimes forget it's not your first language.)

So, what I actually meant was that I don't question your version of that facts and can't imagine that your sister was correct. I think she was wrong and she must have said that for some twisted reasons of her own. Sorry!!!!!! :bag:

 

[Bloomy]

I dont care about the abortion. I care about that I was all alone in that hospital. I was scared shitless. I care that they treated me like a shameless slot. I was a kiddo for christ sake. I dont know why all this fukkin friggin so called grown up would put all their shameless shit on me. I care that I spent the night there. Locked away from other patients since I obviously was such to them that I should be left alone to think about what a louzy little girl I was.

I dont mean to throw my anger at any of you I hope you all understand if I write something wrong or hurtful. I just dont know how to talk about this.

 

[Bloomy]

@scout86 my sis is an asshole to. I surived it all with out becoming drug addict, narc, criminal, put into mental ward or anything. And this shitty sister claims I did all this in addition to seducing that ....

I guess what all this Im writing comes down to is that to many people in my life has and have tried to make me into something that has nothing to do wiith me. It made me loose my self for so many years. I just recently figured that part out. That I lost myself somewhere down the line between rapes, blames, accusations and shitty narc people.

And Scout - I know you are a good person so I understood it was on my behalf the whole hurtful question mark.

 

[Bloomy]

@digger really? How? To much for me with ptsd combo technology I dont understand

 

[digger]

In this forum >>> Link Removed just start a thread the same way as you have started other threads, and that thread becomes your diary.

 

[NatBird]

I will become member and get one of them diaries yes. No support. Im seen as a dificult asshole my self...

@Bloomy yes you can just start one it is under the TRAUMA DIARY section.

I'm very new here but it has helped me at times process emotions, make sense, vent, get distance and receive witnessing, acknowledgement and encouragement. Hope it is beneficial to you.

 

[Rani G2]

@ Bloomy,

what you have gone through is just absolutely horrible Bloomy. I wish you all the strength that is there to move forward...its hard, very hard..

I experienced sexual abuse as a small child. There are pictures..tiny flashbacks. Witnessing a crime as a 5 yr old,didnt make things better...

I understand you. I do

Wishing you the best

 

[NatBird]

@Bloomy yes you can just start one it is under the TRAUMA DIARY section.

I'm very...

:) see digger is on it with the link.

 

[The Albatross]

Personally I can see how this case would touch off for you Bloomy and yeah you're a member here and can start a member trauma diary. I like ya just fine. I am sorry that current events brought this back up for you. We're here for you gal.

 

[trying2movefwd]

:( I am sorry you went through that. Yes you were a child so what you learned was what became "normal " to you. I have struggled with this too. But it's not your fault. It wasn't my fault. It was the adults faults, one day we realize, "wait that wasn't normal or acceptable and then we have to work through all the junk that those traumatic experiences programmed our minds to do.
I know sometimes words aren't enough, but we are here for you. Take care of yourself.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Been there in part, so I offer sincere compassion for your pain.

It takes much time, dedicated therapy work (is often strongly recommended) as well as many emotional battles in which to conquer those enmeshed components of your pain. Along your journey to heal, many of the questions that you ask today -will be revisited as the newer you unfolds- stronger, with new healthier self-images and perhaps clarity among the divisions of self. No easy road for sure.

But it is your courage, heart that you have today that will accompany the path of the new you! May you find the answers that you seek within each step of your journey to heal.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Beautiful bloomy. Nature's child. Too strong too wither and die from the pain. Too noble to be beaten down by it. Too just to accept it - for yourself or any other victim.

Society chooses its victims well. You need to be strong enough to carry the shame of everyone who hurt you, ignored your abuse, accused you of ugly deeds. You need the courage of every coward who didn't dare to stand up for you. Society needs to absolve itself of its sins, so it finds someone to blame and to shun.

You survived. You're stronger than all of them combined, but you're still carrying their burden. Learn to love yourself. Show yourself the compassion that have always deserved. Be that person you always needed in your life. <3