Sexual Assault Rape Stereotypes

[Deleted member 19804]

I completely agree with you, @LilSam . Rape is always a serious crime, and the victim's and perpetrator's gender should not even be relevant in the way it's judged. This is a side to gender equality where society still has a lot of work to do.

 

[LanaD]

Maybe the trouble is that it's difficult to imagine the scenario you mentioned, "a guy in a bedroom being overpowered by a girl," since most women are weaker than most men by nature. For instance, I can't imagine being able to overpower any man I know. This isn't to say it isn't possible but it's a tough one for most people to relate to. People have a hard time relating to things that aren't common to them.

@anonymous: you say: "If it makes you feel any better, I know three men who were victims or near-victims of rape, though one was victimized by a man, not a woman, and two were young children." None of those situations back your argument, so perhaps that might make it harder to make a point, too? I'd think most people are aware that men can be brutal with other men, and the young children can't be grouped with men.

With a situation that is unfathomable to most people it might be helpful to present examples that help people understand, and that show that this horrible act chooses no gender.

 

[LilSam]

Maybe the trouble is that it's difficult to imagine the scenario you mentioned, "a guy in a bedroom being...

I'd like to point out, I'm not a man, I'm a boy, and a girl who is a year older than me easily held me down.

 

[Abstract]

LilSam,
I'm sorry this happened to you and sorry societies ignorance is adding to your pain. I think many have little or no acceptance or understanding that females can be abusers. At all. Not true at all and as you say it usually makes it harder for the survivor to deal with the trauma and get help. That goes for domestic violence as well. And one doesn't have to physically be overpowered as many other factors can come into play. Hopefully more education will happen and things will improve with time. Stereotypes are very unhelpful.

I wish you healing. Well done for being brave and started to deal with this.

 

[joeylittle]

since most women are weaker than most men by nature.

No, not really. I'd say you are correct in that stereotypical assumptions about gender would place men as stronger and more aggressive, and women as weaker and more submissive. But that's the cliche, not the reality.

I'm more of the mind it's this:

The violence against women agenda shouldn't diminish the experiences of men who are victimised but culturally I know that can happen.

As far as I'm aware, the concept of 'date rape' is still tough for society to grasp...so yes, there's still a long way to go on violence against women. But OP is right in that it doesn't mean that the conversation on violence against men shouldn't exist. It's not lesser, or greater, just different.

 

[BradyLady]

.....a girl who is a year older than me easily held me down

I'm very sorry this happened to you. It's bad enough by itself, but then facing stigma and disbelief makes it worse.

 

[Fadeaway]

Putting aside what sex raped what sex, the fear of how people respond to a victims report is the underlying issue. While women do experience poor reactions when they report they are more likely to be believed. A large portion of the time wemon are not belived or get blamed, but I think statisticts show that a man is even less likley to be belived.

I think the op's struggle is that he has been revived vert poorly, even by members here. While the majority of the members here know that it is possible for a female to rape a male and that it is just as traumatising, the OP has been on the reciving end of ignorance too, and i can't imagine how that affected him. I am sure it create a lot of confusion for him.

 

[EveHarrington]

Do you all remember what it was like when you were around the age of 14?

Girls get their growth spurts first. Guys lag behind. (11, 12, 13, 14 age range). Even when they get that growth spurt, muscle mass still takes more time to build. I can EASILY see a guy in this age range being overpowered by a girl. Yes, easily.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Sam, I'm so sorry this happened to you. May I ask, did you report it to the police, and if so, how did they respond? What about your parents? Please, don't feel you have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable.

Have you received trauma therapy?

 

[hodge]

I definitely remember being 14, Eve. I was raped twice at that age and then was beat up by some girls because their boyfriends wanted to sleep with me.

LilSam, I don't know if this means anything to you, but you are in my prayers, and I hope you are in therapy to deal with this horrendous experience. We all can give a lot of support to you here, but we are not therapists. Sending a :hug: if that's okay.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I definitely remember being 14, Eve. I was raped twice at that age and then was beat up by some girls beca...

Beautifully spoken, hodge. I wish your life had been much better. Both you and Sam are in my thoughts...

 

[LilSam]

Sam, I'm so sorry this happened to you. May I ask, did you report it to the police, and if so, ho...

People keep asking that so I'm gonna start leaving a message at the end. Yes, I have a psychologist, no my parents aren't very helpful and yes the police know. :/