Poll Have You Ever Gone Back To An Abuser That You Left?

[Justmehere]

This is about people who have left an abuser (of any kind - family, partners, strangers...any abuser) and later returned to the relationship or reconnected or contacted them in any way after leaving.

I have done it. With family, and a partner, and even a stranger who assaulted me and went to jail for it. I never stopped fearing them. I'm still working out why I did it. I stopped, mostly, when I got into trauma therapy.

 

[ground crew]

I am the victim and I am a man. While most grievous examples tend to be male on female victims, I am speaking of spousal abuse. I couldn't talk about it for better than ten years. Attempted murder suicide. I did leave.

 

[Kefira]

I made a clean break from my first and worst traumatic situation. But then I ended up in a dysfunctional and emotionally abusive relationship. I left him 3 times. Each time he convinced me back. The next relationship I had was physically and sexually abusive. I went back to him once.

I'm still in touch with two people I would consider borderline abusive (or at least very toxic for me) though not malicious, more misinformed/under-educated about trauma than anything else with the exception of a couple incidents.

 

[scout86]

It might depend on how you define "left". I can go a long time without really realizing what's going on. Eventually, when it occurs to me that the situation is actually BAD, not "my fault because I'm not a better human being". I leave. Usually with a slamming door after a big blow up. I tend to give multiple "second chances" because I tend to assume that the other party actually means well and the problem is me. But, when the day comes that I finally decide to leave, I never look back. "Saved by anger" I think.

 

[Changing4Best]

Yes, like 16 times. I finally escaped successfully the 17th time. What a relief! That 16th time, he threatened to kill the man I was living with if I did not return to him.

 

[TinkerG]

I left many times and went back because of promises or arguments that I was in the wrong for leaving, that I made a vow and I was in the wrong for leaving and that things would change when I came back...they did, it got worse, I lost more and more freedoms until eventually he had people watching me when/if he couldn't, more and more control over money and my passport and use of threats to keep me under his thumb. I eventually got away when he was out of the country by going straight to a shelter when I was supposed to be picking up dry cleaning and grocery shopping. I left everything behind, including money in the bank. I got up the courage to leave because he threatened my child, otherwise I'd probably be dead by now.

 

[crashmoon]

I moved out of my dads a year ago because of his awful girlfriend. When he kicked her out, he reached out to me and promised he had changed. I went back. About eight months later he told me he was moving her back in, and now here I am forced to live with another abuser of mine.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Other because he was forced to leave our home. At first I tried to make it work cause he would stop by often. I tried going on dates....then the unthinkable, i had to leave as to go into hiding as to not be found.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Other because he was forced to leave our home. At first I tried to make it work cause he would s...

And then left for good

 

[Eagle3]

I finally quit studying under my incredibly abusive martial arts instructor, the same man who's been my only friend for about 5 years. I still keep in touch with him on occasion, but every time we talk, I just feel like such a useless failure again. Don't know why I keep this up, except for the fact I would have never graduated college without him. He also gave me my first and only taste of freedom from my parents, and I love him for that alone; the 5 years of free martial arts studies aren't even on the scale! Nevermind the fact that my right shoulder is just about useless now, been damaged too often....