The old lady said it was probably because society had been too easy on her and she didn't know how to handle disappointment.
I would like to sit that woman down and talk with her. Really talk with her.
I wish I could have figured out my thoughts and feelings while around the lady, but I don't think it would have made a difference.
I think you could have, and still could, if you wanted to.
Kids are under a lot of pressure, and need understanding.
This has been true for thousands of years, I'd wager. Growing up is hard. And even in our over-protected society, where there's a lot of apparent concern placed on equality, awarding everyone, etc - you have to look at the rest of the society as well, where information technology has exploded, kids have to navigate infinitely more complex systems, and don't forget, this is the generation that has been alive during an almost-perpetual wartime. No, that doesn't affect them in terms of rationing (in the US at least), the way it might have for the older woman you were speaking to, depending on her age.
But it is flat-out hard to make it to the age of 25 - neurologically, hormone-wise. Add in managing modern stimuli, really violent times...it's not easier now, it's harder.
Even if you don't want to make that argument - you can ask the woman to remember back, to when she was in the 8th grade. Does she remember what the most intense crisis was for her at the time? Most people do. And what I've discovered is, they either suddenly understand how the world can look like an impossible place to be - in other words, they thought they needed to die for some reason - or, they will recall that nothing was that bad. And then, you can tell them they are very lucky to not have been living with a mental illness. The ages of 13-16 are when many mood disorders and other mental health problems present themselves. No-one talks to kids about that. They certainly didn't when she was a girl, and they only do a marginally better job of it today.
You can tell her how horribly the body fights to stay alive. There is no such thing as a casual, intentional suicide attempt. To pull that trigger, to make that cut, to tie that knot, to jump off the bridge - these are very, very painful, difficult, terrifying things to do. The 8th grader must have been in a profound amount of pain, and profoundly alone, if she believed that was the only option available to her.
Because entitlement doesn't breed silence. Entitlement breeds revenge. When a child has been coddled, and they are faced with extreme adversity - they complain. They don't melt into themselves, they complain. I agree that there are ways in which our society has become afraid of recognizing excellence, at the expense of those who are just in the middle, or below. It's important to let children experience disappointment - so they can learn how to cope with it and survive it.
But I promise: it's not the kids who have been overly protected that end up trying to end their own lives when things go wrong. They get really loud, they protest, they take their parents to court, they demand new school rules - and sometimes, I cheer them on, because sometimes, what they are fighting for is pretty right on. Sometimes, they are just looking for some kind of unnecessary protection, and that gets frustrating.
That 8th grader didn't end her life because she had it too easy and hit her first stumbling block. No matter what the details are - she ended her life because she believed she had no other choices. She had no-one to talk to, and no-where to go, and no kind of help. That's the tragedy. She could have been dealing with depression, she could have been dealing with normal hormonal changes and had something hit her much harder than it normally would, she could have been the victim of a crime - it doesn't matter. She wasn't alone, but she believed she was - and no-one happened to notice, and tell her that there were ways to get help.
Basically, she was trying to figure out how to stay alive, and couldn't solve the puzzle. Kids, especially, need help in solving the puzzle. Adults do as well, but the older we get, the more we understand that there is help, and we can be more responsible for trying to get it. Kids are going through it for the first time. They need compassion, not judgement.
Anyway, that's what I'd talk to that older woman about.
