Childhood Was This Normal?

[NaeNae75]

It was wrong on many levels, and I believe it was a sexual act. She was definitely getting s...

I agree that it was not appropriate behavior. I don't think that you can definitively say that it was a sexual act for her. It isn't possible to "definitely" know that she was receiving sexual gratification from it.

I'm not saying she didn't, what I am saying is that I certainly don't know whether it was or wasn't, but I don't believe you can know whether it was or wasn't either. None of us are capable of mindreading.

What I can say is that if it made Shadow uncomfortable, it was certainly not okay. I'm sorry you had to feel uncomfortable in sacrifice for your mother's comfort. It was not okay, nor your job. You are perfectly justified in being upset about being treated this way.

 

[Friday]

Nope. Not normal. It's role-reversal, where the parent is treating the child like the parent, and acting like a child.

That's what makes it akin to sexual abuse, although very different, it's still treating children like adults.

So regardless of whether or not it was in any way sexual, it's a hugely unfair burden on a child. Children aren't adults. Children aren't parents. The duty of care flows in the other direction. It's not a child's job to take care of their parents. It's a parent's job to take care of their child.

 

[Gs172003]

Nope. Not normal. It's role-reversal, where the parent is treating the child like the parent, and acting...

Exactly. My daughter told my therapist about her dad using them to talk about his problems. She told her that is never ok and that was never their place.

 

[sun seeker]

This wasn't normal, right?

Right.

 

[chant2012]

This wasn't functional it was definitely dysfunctional. I can relate 100% to this. It was most of my childhood. All the support to you. It caused me to have the same symptoms as you. It was my mom and my dad. Ugh. Feel free to PM. Safe hand to hold if you want to.

 

[Overcoming]

Definitely inappropriate. Sounds like a parent-child role reversal. I can relate, not to the physical part so much though.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Thank you, all. It's good to hear that I'm not insane/making it up/exaggerating. There's too many on my side to tag you all individually, but please know that I want to.

Was she naked?

No, she wasn't/ I don't think that she was after anything sexual, but the contact felt uncomfortable and a little sexual to me at the time. I was just too old for it. Way too old for it. 16 or 17 isn't an age at which a kid wants to cuddle with their parent.

I see it that she was using you for comfort in place of someone else, the kind of closeness as an adult we seek in a partner.
You were not her partner, you are her child, so she shouldn't have put that kind of emotional stress on you.

This was a constant problem with her. To this day, I'm the adult in the relationship. It's easier because I actually AM an adult now, but when I was in high school, I wasn't. Yet, she labeled me as a surrogate spouse for herself and when I failed to deliver the comfort she needed, she would et angry.

That's what makes it akin to sexual Abuse, although very different, it's still treating children like adults.

I think that this is part of the problem. I was sexually abused as a kid (by a different extended family member), so I think I was hypersensitive to boundaries and when they were crossed - which felt so violating and so similar in a really weird and uncomfortable way.

I've been so upset by this memory today. So upset. I can't stop being angry about it, and about how it would happen and then just never get addressed at all.

 

[chant2012]

I had to come back to this. I had this relationship with my mom. She did the cuddle type of things. She was also very manipulative and mean too though. Especially if I didn't do what she wanted. I can't explain it but it felt like I was being sexually abused. This happened when I was a young child until I was a teenager like you were.

Then with my dad. He did the emotionally incestious and severe role reversals severely.

I won't go u to details as this isn't my thread. But please know you're not alone. The damage from this was horrendous. Dealing with this so much in T.

Can we Pm?

Remembered something last night that I had forgotten. When I was in high school, my mom us...

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

It has been days and I'm still so upset about this memory. It's in the way of everything that I try to do and I'm having a hard time working. What do I do about this? How do I handle it? My impulse is that I need some sort of action; this sitting still and sitting with the uncomfortableness of what happened is really making my head spin.

What do I do about this? How do I handle this?

 

[chant2012]

It has been days and I'm still so upset about this memory. It's in the way of everything t...

I'm sorry. I don't know the answer to your question. But I can relate as I'm the same way. Sitting with you.

 

[Gs172003]

It has been days and I'm still so upset about this memory. It's in the way of everything t...

Can you talk to your mom about it? Tell her how you never got to be her child but her parent/ friend/whatever instead?

 

[void]

@theshadowoftheliving

Unambiguously 100% emotionally, psych..., and physically a violation of you.
She was displaying VERY significant mental illness in that act.
It was PURE self-indulgent(on her part) abuse.

Your body and mind's response to it, proves that is was a trauma which lead to dissociation and amnesia.

May you heal from this and the many other incidents of trauma.