Why Did The Abusive Ex...

[EveHarrington]

I think it's impossible to know why abusive people do the things they do.

 

[J_trustno1]

I just feel very hurt by the treatment I have been getting from humans since I was a kid and it has continued till now when I am almost 29. Sometimes I just don't even want to live.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

why would other girls would exchange information from my end to his end. If he has a gf, then why would his friends keep any eye on me and report about me to him?

Maybe because if you approach him for an explanation, or to get him to stop, he (& his friends) can spin it that he didn't assault you/ discredit you? Was he charged? Because he might be trying to get it overturned.

Yes, he sounds like an as*hole. Be glad to be rid of him.

:hug: :hug:

 

[Casey_03]

He might also just be angry that you reported him and seeking some form of revenge. That seems most likely.

 

[Tinyflame]

Ps Jess, I'm sorry you are going through that. :( :hug:

 

[Muttly]

I just want to know why he is reacting in such a way after 3 months of the breakup and what's the whole point of passing information to me about his success in finding a new gf? and his friends stalking me?

He's still got his hooks in you. You are twisting around trying to understand why and what's going on.I understand this has been brought up by what his friends are telling you, but it's still got you focusing on him. That's a big part of the abusers power. They get you to think about them. They do all sorts of things, are unpredictable and manipulative so your energy is directed to them. That feeds their ego and it also keeps you from getting away or healing or taking back your own power.

Like some others have said, the whys really don't matter. I know it seems like maybe if you really understood the reason why it would take away the hurt, but that's not generally true. The hurt is there because harm was done to you and you deserved better. The hurt is there because you are a person who has needs and he didn't just not meet your needs, he took advantage of them.

The question why is self-protection. It's the desire to be able to control or undo something. If I just knew why I could fix it. The only part of this equation you can fix is to get better at spotting abusers and getting away from them. Of building up strong boundaries and self-worth so that if one of these people cross your path, you can have the strengths and skills to protect yourself.

Hang in there. I hope you can find ways to nurture and comfort yourself.

 

[Gs172003]

I just feel very hurt by the treatment I have been getting from humans since I was a kid and it has...

Honey. Just. Stop.

This has nothing. Nothing. Nothing. To do with you.

This is the way people just ARE these days. It's all about the drama. To see a reaction. To see how many times they can get by with it. It's classic IMMATURITY. That's all. They are kids. That's what kids do

 

[Stickler]

Not only did you report him but you told his new victim what he did.

He'll spin it to her, she'll believe him...now... But it'll stay in her mind. She may well stop believing his bullshit faster because of your words.
He's PISSED.
He's stewing, thinking, "HOW DARE SHE!"

Stay the hell away from that toxic son of a b**** and all his little patsies and sycophants.
Stop blaming yourself. Blame them.

Try resting smugly in the cradle of your own superiority.

That is why guys shit all over you, you know. Not because you DESERVE it.

It's because they can see YOUR SUPERIORITY, and they are jealous as hell. They can't stand it. Especially sexist guys. I think they make a *point* of going after you and hurting you. Because (a) you are gorgeous (don't deny it, I have seen your selfie) and (b) you are smart as hell.

I think their little egos just can't stand a woman who's beautiful, strong, and smarter than them. So they go after you due to jealousy.

Nasty little bastards. You deserve a guy who loves and respects you, not a guy who wants to "Put you in your place," that being beneath HIS dumb ass.
Pardon, not condemning guys in general here.
Just guys who happen to be controlling, emotionally (and maybe physically) abusive jerks.
Abusive jerks come in all genders, of course.

 

[aut555]

He keeps tabs on you incase the new girlfriend finds out what a creep he is and dumps him then he can fly right back and start abusing you. So he needs his friends to keep a lookout on you.

 

[Draiocht]

..introduced his new gf to everyone and all this friends but always kept me as a secret? He showed a...

This sounds all too familiar to me.

It's about power play. I know how personal it feels, but he's not treating her differently for any reason other than it's getting him what he wants, which is control. Just because he's acting nice doesn't mean that's how he really feels. These assholes just push whatever buttons work best.

With mine... we officially dated, as in people knew we were a couple, for 2 and a half years. But we never even really went out in public together. Always met at his or mine or a mutual friend's house. Whereas the other women he was sleeping with he'd go out to bars with and parties that I didn't get invited to. Even after we broke up (yet were still involved sexually even though it was the last thing I wanted), he wouldn't even add me on social media yet the girls he slept with and then disowned when it all came out, they're allowed to openly speak to him. Towards the end he used to just stalk me on a forum I used to be on and private message me. I was meant to be his girlfriend and I felt like his dirty little secret.

And I spent YEARS trying to understand what it was he liked better about one particular partner of his over me. I tried to be like her. I still find myself on her facebook page when I feel like wallowing. I know it's not easy to do, but just keep reminding yourself, he's not treating her better because she is a better person. Manipulative assholes don't operate that way. Look after yourself.

 

[aut555]

Also the odds are stacked against woman. In the city l live in, there are 5 woman to every one man. But the odds don't tell us if all five men are complete dirtbags leaving you with even worse odds. So the point, take care of you, take care of education, take care of employment, then go play in the sandbox, just watch out for the fleas.