Ptsd And On/off Switch For Productive Use Of Time?

[cupfish]

Hey Team, Happy Monday, here's the latest rat's nest:
Does anyone else experience periods of getting-it-done
energy, that seem to be the opposite of hiding-while-triggered?
I don't think it's bipolar, more like you get behind when hiding so that
you need to hustle to hold on to the normal stream of adult life.
This feels like a PTSD coping mechanism.

 

[Forgetful]

I've experienced this for awhile but was recently diagnosed as Bi Polar by pdoc. She said it's just not with the drastic spikes. This came after seeing her during 2 of these periods where I thought I was just feeling good! Unfortunately I haven't felt that good since being on the new meds. :tdown:
On the other hand....I'm not throwing as much stuff around the house.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think it's a coping mechanism. I think they're periods of normalcy where I can function and accomplish things, so I do.

 

[cupfish]

I don't think it's a coping mechanism. I think they're periods of normalcy where I can function a...

I sure hope so because those times feel so good, so normal. Even mentally healthy people have bad days, normal is not a bed of roses. I have to believe that despair is not my "real" mode and when I feel good it's false.

 

[amosmorris]

Yes, @cupfish....I get this "when I feel good it's false" thing. I have always had a "just get it done"/"just deal" lever built in, and so I have a mode that's just all about productivity and dealing and churning out work...I don't think this is the "real me" in a sense, but I have been good over the years at compartmentalizing. It's astonishing as I look back at my long awareness of the sadness that I in fact have never fully dealt with (though I'm trying now). As my trauma has childhood roots, this is just a way of being for me, and I get relief when working. I have had periods, esp in the last 18 months during which I've been doing intensive therapy, where I've been thrown off this pattern and in fact can't push myself through the work, can't just put my head down and go....and that's really freaked me out.

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

:sorry::cry:If I'm understanding you correctly, @cupfish, I can relate. As someone with both PTSD and ADHD, going through periods of not getting shit done and then suddenly finding the energy to plow through the mountain of crap that's piled up has been a way of life from as early as I can remember.

I constantly find myself behind in almost everything I do, at home and at work, even things I love to do, like making art. Sometimes I have good periods and I can stay in a routine for a little while and get stuff done. Often, however, I have trouble initiating and/or completing tasks, even though the consequences can be grave. I also have MDD and GAD, and that doesn't help either. I just today spent 10 hours plowing through shit at work because then stakes were so high and I was so mortified that I finally found the energy to persist.

I'm not trying to make excuses, but here are some of the "reasons" why I struggle to get stuff done:

procrastination due to laziness; procrastination due to anxiety; dissociating at work or at home due to PTSD AND/OR spacing out or being very distracted due to ADHD (it's sometimes hard to tell them apart); extreme avoidance & extreme low energy due to severe depression and anxiety; confusion and not being sure how to get stuff done, how to track what I'm doing; getting off track from my systems and strategies; overwhelming, paralyzing fear; "sleep coma" (sleeping all day). :tdown::(:sorry::cry:

I could probably go on, but that's what it's like for me. I'm actually very "high functioning" and well respected at work. No one knows how hard it is to live with this, especially dealing with PTSD symptoms at work.

I can't say I have any easy answers, but there are a few main things that have helped me over the years, especially this last, hard-as-f*ck year:

Going back to basics: therapy, prioritize sleep, exercise, grounding & self-soothing, & going back to a routine.

Telling myself: Done is Right. (Ie, no need to be perfect.)

DBT skills, especially Opposite Action

And this book: ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life, by Kathleen Nadeau, PhD. Also co-authored by a professional organizer. Great book, easy read, doesn't matter if you have ADHD or not. :tup:

So, you're not alone! Good luck and hang in there!:hug: