Driving People Away - Too Needy

[Blackjack]

I am driving myself, and probably everyone around me, mad by being so needy all the time lately. I just seem to not be able to function and cope on my own right now. I am struggling with my injuries, had my trauma anniversary to get through last weekend, am signed off work and either stuck indoors or in a wheelchair if I go out. I am constantly a teary mess and just feel I have totally lost my ability to cope with anything and I know I am gradually driving people away and making them sick and tired of me. People who used to be there for me don't talk to me any more. I don't want to loose the support and help of the lovely people here but it is the only place I have to turn to. My friends are turning their back in me since I broke my leg and I don't know where to turn. I am taking Citalopram but still waiting for it to take effect as I am still very anxious, paranoid and depressed. Had a huge row with my husband tonight inwhich he said all I do is sit on the sofa which really hurt. I need to find a way out of this pit of depression and anxiety so I am not so needy and don't upset and annoy people so much but I don't know how to achieve it. I guess I just need help and support but I just force people away. I am sorry, I hope this makes sense.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think people have a hard time with mental illness and understanding the fact that a person is doing the best they can right now. Even if that looks "lazy" to them.

I don't have any advice as I don't have any supporters. Just wanted to let you know I hear you and I'm here! :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

I need to find a way out of this pit of Depression and Anxiety so I am not so needy and don't upset and annoy people so much but I don't know how to achieve it.

It's a really tough place to be, isn't it? I do know the feeling, and as such, I'm pretty sure you won't feel that way forever.

The funny thing about being needy is if we actually have our needs met, the feeling of neediness goes away. This might seem obvious, but we tend to judge ourselves for needing too much... but that doesn't make the need any less real. The self-judgement, and the judgement from others, compound the problem so it's not just neediness but neediness plus judgement, shame, despair, etc.

I don't know anything about the people in your life who are judging you, but it's possible that they are uncomfortable with their own neediness and are projecting that onto you as judgement.

The best advice I have to get through this time is to diversify your support system. And hey, there are a few thousand people here. I don't think you are going to tire us out anytime soon. ;)

Big hugs to you if you accept. I do hope you feel better soon. :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Mytime]

BJ we are here for you. Sometimes people, just don't know how to support us. It's not even a matter of PTSD. We all have shit going on in our life's that we may not know we're in need. I think, finding something you can do while your recovering from your broken leg my help. Maybe an adult colouring book to keep your mind busy could help?
As for the remark your husband said to you, well I think I'll keep my mouth shut because I know you love him and I'm pissed at how he treats you.
Ok maybe I can't keep it shut. You deserve better and his behaviour, is soooo f*cking wrong. Maybe get in your wheelchair and run over his foot!!!! more then 1 time. Sending hugs,love and support:)

 

[Mytime]

BJ I so agree with sun seeker.:)

 

[Joan]

I so get this feeling of driving others away by being "too needy". I often think we are too hard on ourselves and perceive that we are always the reason for failure in a relationship when in reality maybe it is also the other person's crap. I have seen how supportive you are in chat so I guess I see that you do not just take or train or need, but you give as well. I think you are in an extra tough space right now with the whole leg issue...that can only add more difficulty. I do not have any great answer...just that you are not alone in these feelings and to try to have some compassion for yourself and be kind to you.

 

[Friday]

I suck at being dependent. So I work at being gracious about it. I still backslide an awful lot, and end up being bitchy, glarey, and f*ck off mate. :shifty: Sigh. So every time I catch myself? Alright. Gracious. We're working on doing this graciously. So in addition to dragging my ass, they also don't have to put up with my piss poor attitude about it.

I find, it's usually less the needy, and more the attitude / how we happen to feel about being needy... that drives people away. Whether it's anger, whining, doom&gloom, insecurity, what have you.

I could be wrong, and you're an absolute ray of sunshine when sick/injured/spinning out. As I don't happen to be? My suggestion would be to look and see what your attitude is like when you're hurting. The hurting we don't have a lot of control over. Our affect, however, and how we treat others when we're hurting is something that is a lot more malleable IME.

 

[joeylittle]

I guess I just need help and support but I just force people away.

Can you give an example of what help/support would look like, to you? And, how have you been asking for it, that you think you are forcing people away?

 

[GrayOwl]

I'll go with the "ray of sunshine" theme too....as that's the Blackjack I've seen when you post or chat. Also - I've never seen anybody wear out their welcome here. Especially an old timer....
I so relate. Life is often tough. Sometimes it gets tougher. And then on top of it pain kicks in. And in. And in. Ouch!
Come on in and talk about it and chat. It helps. It really does. We have broad shoulders I know you won't wear them out.
May I suggest a diversion? I agree. A puzzle? Put up a bird feeder? Something that keeps your hands busy and your mind at least partially occupied. Doesn't always solve the problem but it might get you through the next few minutes or hours. Multiply that a few times.
I am just getting through a bout with pain. It seems to finally be abating after about 6 weeks. It was a tough one and I got needy at times. But I get diverted and kept putting one foot in front of the other... I couldn't put my shoes on - (lol- but true) - but at least I could put one foot in front of the other.... I love jigsaw puzzles.
Prayers and thoughts are with you.

 

[Blackjack]

Can you give an example of what help/support would look like, to you? And, how have you been asking...

Joey, just one example is a friend of mine who I have been great friends with for about 12 years now. I have helped her through all kinds of life's dramas, stayed awake until all hours texting or talking to her when she was down and having a bad time. I text her and told her what had happened with me busting my leg, I knew she had a long 5 day weekend coming up in her shift pattern and that she was not doing much so said to her if I paid her petrol (she is very short of money right now) did she fancy coming over to mine, I would order in pizza and we could have a chat and a laugh. I told her I was feeling down and could really do with her company. She rejected the idea out of hand, said she had enough of her own shit without listening to mine and now won't reply to my texts or calls. I was cheerful enough in the the text and have been really hurt by this to be honest. She is not the only one to have behaved like it either. :hug:

 

[Ironlady]

Joey, just one example is a friend of mine who I have been great friends with for about 12 years now....

Oh honey..... I don't know what to say... I wish I was close to you.. I'd bring pizza and my terrible sense of humor and do my best to comfort you and lift your spirits. :hug:

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug: