Masturbation

[Colorado2]

I think about sex A LOT, and often feel like I need to masturbate. I feel like this got more intense after I was first sexually assaulted.
Unfortunately, the sexual assault was also my first sexual experience ever.
So for me it's hard to know if my need for self pleasure is normal or more than normal.
I'm married to an awesome guy and we have a good sexual relationship, but I've never been able to orgasm. Idk if any of these things are related, but sometimes it's frustrating. I feel guilty for masturbating.

 

[MisterCatLady]

Just for clarity, you orgasm when masturbating but not when having sex with your husband? That sounds pretty normal for your situation honestly. Do you ever feel like you masturbate as a coping mechanism? As in to avoid negative feelings.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think it is normal to be hyper sexual (thinking about sex a lot) after a sexual assult. Most people fall one extreme to another. I happen to fall on the hyper side of it all.

I also think it's normal to not be able to orgasm with a man present. Even though that man is your husband. He is still of the male species. And that is a reminder of what happened. Alone, you don't have that reminder so it is safe to "let go" if you will.

And we are still in a society where masturbation is a no no in my opinion. So there is guilt just there. Then many feel guilty as you are married and that is what he is supposed to do. I think it is healthy for you both to self release sexual tension. Plus, you did say you have a healthy sex life (minus the orgasm) so there shouldn't be guilt but still normal I think to feel guilty after any sexual activity for the sexually abused/assulted. To me, though I do it a lot, it feels dirty and then I go on a rampage to "clean" myself and to punish myself for "being bad" and "being dirty".

Does your husband know? It may help if he understood a little? Maybe add some spice or change up your sex life. Slowing it down works well for me. Because then, I can feel loved instead of just having sex.

In any case, all very normal in my opinion.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I can relate to the hypersexual behavior, I too have fallen in that direction, for me it probably has to do with not being able to form attachments at all (its good that your married), and for me its about controlled environment/circumstances, there may be some of that in your case. It would seem to me that pure honesty is the best approach and there is nothing wrong with your need to do this, so you husband knows that its because of the assault and not him.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Perfectly normal to masturbate. If someone said that they never ever have, then they lied. It's normal and healthy. As far as not climaxing with your husband, some women can't through intercourse, they need manual stimulation. If it bothers you, then talk to your husband, and explain what's going on and see if you two can come up with a plan that sex would be more stimulating for you.

 

[Penny C]

I have this same issue. Have you been able to orgasm alone?

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Just for clarity, @Colorado2, it's normal for both men and women to masturbate, whether or not sexual abuse/assault is part of one's history. We all get messages about sex and sexuality from our family, friends, society, and our experiences in life ... It's so complex! That means there is a broad section of what is considered "normal." What, exactly, do you feel guilty about for masturbating?

 

[Fadeaway]

Even for women that haven't been sexually abused they are able to orgasm through masturbation but can't orgasm with a guy to save their life. Heck, I was 31-32isg before I had an orgasm that I didn't give myself.

Orgasms are a great stress reliever. It is only a problem with it interferes with other activities. If you are skipping out o your kids school play so you can masturbate, you might have a problem,otherwise.

Keep in mind hormones also play a role in your sex drive.

 

[Missycat]

@Colorado2 - this absolutely resinates with me.
Its slightly different for me in that i have and can sometimes orgasm with my partner (im a gay female) but everything else you have written i totally agree and feel. Im just way too embarrassed and ashamed to talk about it.
Thank you for being so brave in adding your thread.

 

[Colorado2]

I have this same issue. Have you been able to orgasm alone?

Yes I can alone

 

[Colorado2]

Just for clarity, @Colorado2, it's normal for both men and women to masturb...

I don't know what exactly I feel guilty about, but afterwards I always do

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm pretty much celebate by choice but I can guarantee you that if I was getting sex with no orgasm I'd be masturbating probably a lot more than you. Sex with no release just leaves me restless. It's easier to not deal with relationship BS and give myself orgasms. Win/win!