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Childhood Trying To Understand My Orientation

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Sexuality is not black and white for most people. We all fall on a bell curve. Some people are 100% gay, others 100% everyone else falls somewhere in between.

People often mistake western values for christian values. I was raised in an extreme fundie home. I can honestly say I have read the bible from front to cover more times than most biblical scholars, no joke. Let's forget Paul for a moment. I could debate that until the end of the world, imho anything he said is irrelevant. Besides, if people actually cared about enforcing what Paul said, Christians would be wearing hijabs too. Hijabs are totally biblical. :eek:

Jesus never said anything about homosexuality, so let's go back to the old testament. Sodom and Gomorrah, destroyed because they were gay right? Wrong! They were destroyed because they tried to rape angels. Now, I have heard it said that it was because the angels were male. Meh, the bible specifically states that the men wanted them because they were so beautiful. Gender as the cause was never mentioned. Basically it was a warning that you don't f*ck with the angels.

But what about the verse that that says it is an abomination for a man to lie with a man like he does with a woman? It had nothing to do with homosexuality at all. It was a list of health and hygiene laws. All of those laws were written to keep a low population group from getting sick and to encourage breeding due to their complete and utter lack of hygiene. It is even written which day of a woman's cycle her husband has to have sex with her, which also correlates to day of ovulation. At that time regular sex was kept to a minimum and sex that didn't have the highest probability of producing a healthy child was an abomination.

Now for the BIG ONE. King David most beloved by god was Bisexual. Infact he preferred men over women. The bible is pretty clear about David and Jonathan getting it on, but people squirm over that part if they read it at all. Or they claim "laying" with someone and "laying" with someone means different things depending on the sexes involved. I mean, the bible does say David loved jonathan more than he did women and choose spending the night in crying emotional love fest with Jonathan instead of jonathans sister who worked so hard to seduce him.

I am rambling now. So if religion wasn't involved, what would you identify as?
 
God seems to be all about love. If you know yourself, and you feel love, whatever that direction goes in, that's the single most important message in the Bible. Love is a positive, beautiful, natural, powerful, healing emotion. And God and his message to humanity is all about how good love is.

If you want to not tell people, because of the way they use that information, that's okay. But how you feel, that's okay too. God is pro-love, above all other things. Can't make promises about whether specific people on planet earth accept specific labels, but God? He accepts love. He accepts you.
 
It seems to me that you don't have a problem. You're married, and I'll assume attracted to your wife. You're monogamous, so it doesn't matter whether you are attracted to guys or not. You will be faithful in your marriage. I don't see how this is any different than being married, yet still attracted to other women. It only matters if you act on it, and if you do, then you're just another unfaithful partner. :p
 
Sexuality is not black and white for most people. We all fall on a bell curve. Some people are 100% ga...
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This isn't about what does the bible say about homosexuality this is about what should he do about how he feels. The bible is not something that quite a few people take lightly.

Teddy bear as long as your wife knows, and still loves you, you're OK. As long as you're working on your past abuse, you'll be OK. The rest will fall into place.
 
@Zoogal people often view their sexuality through the lens of their religion.The OP has two factors that are clouding how he sees his sexuality, abuse and religion. Coming, from a religious background myself, I choose to write what I believe I would have found helpful if I was in his shoes. He may or may not find it helpful, but the way I see it, is we can't change the abuse but we can offer different perspectives. I didn't have a good answer for the sexual abuse so I went with the religious aspect.
 
Think everybody is saying acceptance of one's self and acceptance of your attraction to whoever is just dandy. Religion created moral standards that you may decide don't apply to you as far as sexual orientation. Sexual abuse causes you to second guess your sexual attraction. Some people feel attracted to the same sex but don't act on it even without abuse. Did abuse take you one step over there, possibly. Is it causing you distress? More young kids are coming forth with acceptance of feeling attracted to whoever with no regards to gender. So social change is here and by the responses here, it is accepted.
 
I struggle with my sexuality everdyday. Part of my trauma included my dad putting me down because he knew I was gay as a kid. I was a gentle kid, feminine and my dad couldn't take it. He hated me so much. That was 30 years ago and I know I'm gay, I just struggle with accepting being gay and challenging those negative beliefs I received growing up. Can anyone else relate?
 
Thank you for having the courage to share that. My brother is gay. Our parents were so effective in their condemnation of homosexuality, my brother has lived his whole life as a homophobic gay man. Suffice it to say that he's never had a successful relationship. :(
I struggle with my sexuality everdyday. Part of my trauma included my dad putting me down because he kne...
 
I have only read your original post and not the replies.

I was in a similar situation and finally came to the conclusion that my orientation to sex was abuse and was neither homosexual or heterosexual. This freed me from labeling myself.

When I talked to a trauma specialist he asked me about my sense of my sexuality before the abuse. I told him I liked women and told him about my past relationships. After listening to me describe my relationships he concluded that I am predominately heterosexual and said my confusion was due to abuse events.

The difference between my relationships with men and my relationships with women is that with men it was abuse specific and only about sex and with women it was about sex, but also about love. and so I agree with the trauma specialist that I am predominately heterosexual.

Maybe talking to a trauma specialist will help you sort things out.

Either way, I accept you as you are and think that our Creator does as well.

Wishing you all the best,

Lionheart777
 
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