I Hate Christmas

[recoveringfromptsd]

@BuckarooBanzai I am trying the best I can with all this. It does not help that I have a close relative dying around same time, and that I am in the middle of one of my summer/winter bi-polar cycles. When you add those two to this time period being painful, being in therapy with a regular thereapist and an abuse therapist and taking dbt. Its a lot to have on my shoulders.

 

[moomin]

Christmas is hard for me to too. I spend the entire time wishing I could enjoy it and feeling upset that I can't. And hearing people talk about seeing their families (no contact with mine) really triggers me (and it doesn't matter that they may not have good relationships, it's just a trigger for me).

 

[Richie]

is it really a bad thing to not celebrate this time of year? I dont celebrate it either but my reasons are straightforward.
1. It may be seen as a religious holiday and I am not religious.
2. It may be seen as a family occasion and i am not in contact with my family.
3. It is too commercialised and I believe that buying gifts because its expected undermines the sentiment.

I dont know how many of you agree with my views but they seem rational to me and other people may have their own rational reasons. I suggest you look at them before judging yourself or worrying about the fact that you avoid this time of year.

 

[Gs172003]

I hate loath and detest the evil cruelty of Xmas. It is a cursed day. I never got Christmas as a kid....

Risk it. You are grown now. You have control in how you do it. SCREW HOW IT WAS AS A KID. We did it as a kid and it was fancy schmancy and I still hate it. Not because of then but because of now. I'm trying to take it back. I refuse to let other people ruin it for me. I have three adult kids and now a granddaughter that I will rethink all this for and will figure this out one way or another.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@Zoogal for me risking it is not going to happen, too much pain, and to destabilizing, and i don't want to end up back in the hospital.

I am still going to be with relatives this xmas, but they know and understand, I will get the joy of being with relatives even though I won't be into it xmas wise.

 

[Gs172003]

@Zoogal for me risking it is not going to happen, too much pain, and to d...

That doesn' sound like not at all to me though. Being with loved ones count, doesn't it?

Take care of yourself and do what makes sense to you.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I am trying the best I can with all this.

I'm sure you are.

 

[mamachick]

I always loved Christmas until 8 yrs ago. It was Dec. 16 when I was assaulted in my home ( I need to stay away from details at this time) but it was bad. The tree, the lights, wrapped presents, the cold, everything about December reminds me of the assault. It was the first year I did not go to church with my kids on Christmas eve. I don't even remember Christmas that year....my poor daughter that lived with me...Im sure she does. I was put on so many medications that I didn't wake up on Dec. 29th and was hospitlized through the New Year.

My memories are definitely tied to Christmas and include swollen face and bleeding. Concussion and sense of panic. Isolation. Being frigid cold and unable to warm up.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@brat17 so sorry that happened to you, it had to be really bad to even be triggering with the vague details you gave (It was triggering for me but then again right now anything triggers me).

My guess is this time of the year is probably very bad for both of us. I worry about the coming days, as each day gets closer I am having a harder time, I even had a flashback in the car today and could not get grounded right away. And once I was grounded it took longer to get the FB to go away.

It also does not help that today I received an outrageous bill from SP for my stay there, they are trying to charge me for the part Medicare Disallows, and that's not permitted as its called balance billing and if you accept medicare or medicare advantage is a prohibited practice. In fact they she be refunding me some money.

Its stress I don't need right now. Just dealing with all this is making me wish for what I am not supposed to think about. But then again I am getting a little depressed, and I don't know if its because of the time of the year getting closer, or being in my winter/summer cycle.

 

[Fadeaway]

Risk it. You are grown now.

Exactly, all the bad things have happened because I tried to do it as an adult.

 

[mamachick]

@recoveringfromptsd-that is exactly it, as the days approach, it feels like the lights are going out, the darkness is closer. I feel it coming and am just trying to ride the wave out to sea because there is nothing we can do to stop it. It will be ok and we will both survive this. It won't last forever. In my dissociated or fugue state following this assault, I took my firearm to a local store and sold it back to them. I was afraid of it at the time. (I had a gun put to my head). If I had it to do over again, I would have shot the man instead and blew his legs off. (he has done to others since). Likely my sentence would be up by now and nothing lost since nothing gained. I feel a bit guilty for feeling this way, but it is true. I would not flinch at seeing him suffer at this moment.

 

[Gs172003]

Exactly, all the bad things have happened because I tried to do it as an adult.

Awwww.. Boo :(

I'm sorry