How Do I Know When It's Time To Give Up?

[BuckarooBanzai]

There are many other things you could do, by the way, to help yourself feel safe. For example, once upon a time I pushed my bed into a corner of the room, so only one side was exposed, and put a kiddie guard rail on the exposed side. I hung Christmas lights in my bedroom and let them run all night. Things like that helped me feel safe.

If you have nightmares, for instance, maybe you'd like to hang a dream catcher over your bed.

Be creative. Empower yourself.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

that kind of act will negate everything I've done to try to give my son the best I can if that makes sense

Yes, it makes tremendous sense. It has been documented, for example, that children who have a parent commit suicide are more likely to choose suicide themselves. I know you don't want that for your son.

Besides, how do you KNOW life isn't going to get better? I mean, that's why we throw in the towel, because we are in terrible pain and just sure that the pain will never go away, right?

I fought Major Depression (plus PTSD and DID) for many many years. Every time I tried to kill myself or even thought of it, I was sure my pain would never decrease and my situation never improve - but, do you know, I was always wrong?

Things do get better. That is why there is never a 'right time' for suicide.

 

[Sheera]

There are many other things you could do, by the way, to help yourself feel safe. For example, o...

My hubby would never agree to stuff like that in the bedroom... I do have tons and tons of nightmares I've tried dream catchers and stuff like that but thats never worked for me.. I do have a whole sleep routine music with headphones, lavender oil, Journaling and meditation etc that hasn't been helping with this last 'dip' or plunge into the deep end but when things are mostly calm I think there is a benefit to my 'routine'

 

[Sheera]

Yes, it makes tremendous sense. It has been documented, for example, that children who have a pa...

Logically I wouldnt want to ruin my son's life and that's what an action like that would do logically i know that that would change the course of his life and would prove that I don't care about him or love him... I could never do that to him.. I have ptsd and did .. In my logical state I know that's not going to happen.. In my illogical states I can barely remember my own name let alone remember that I have a son

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

My hubby would never agree to stuff like that in the bedroom.

My past actions were just meant to give you ideas, to spur you on. Do whatever YOU need to do. If you need something in the bedroom, but hubby won't agree, maybe it's time for you to sleep in your Safe Place or just plain have your own bedroom.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

In my illogical states I can barely remember my own name let alone remember that I have a son

When you say, "illogical states", are you referring to times when an alter is out? If so, it's times to develop positive communication with that alter or alters. Every part of you should know your son and be dedicated to his protection.

 

[Sheera]

I'm not ready to fully admit to alters last week was the first time my therapist tried to insist that I acknowledge it... I acknowledge that i have gaps in my memory I will admit that I have altered states of being and that it's something I'm working on handling but haven't gotten there yet.. It seems like I'll get totally lost and disoriented while with my son even while driving unfortunately but I have always protected him and kept him safe my therapist insisted that he be taught from a young age how to call 911 I've tried and am trying my best but when I'm in a dissociative state I totally shut down

 

[Phantom Shadow]

I wish I could do that my doc is almost ready to drop me shes been calling me asking me to come in... I...

I was a lot like your hubby for many years especially when I was dealing with the PTSD with the bottle and temper. I do not know how my marriage has lasted 36 plus years. But since I started therapy I have slowly been a changing. Now to find out that my wife has PTSD from her child hood something that she did not want to tell me about or get therapy for until a year ago. Just know when he says those things it is his of dealing with it but he has to care to even to scream at you. Other wise he would just not be there.

 

[Sheera]

I know my husband loves me I doubt he'll ever get therapy for himself or change himself in any way but that's OK with me I understand him and knew what I was getting into... And let's be honest he puts up with a lot from me, ptsd, did, arthritis and fibro are a great combo it's not like I'm a perfect 'catch' here lol