Inner Critic/beast Within

[bring em all in]

I met with my therapist today and we discussed my inner critic- the voice inside me that absorbed negative messages from my parents and school bullies when I was a child. This inner critic loathes almost everything about me. Much of what I see and hear is through the prism of this inner critic. Yes, what I endured during childhood was unfair and very painful and shaming, but with my inner critic raging full time nobody seems to stand a chance with me. I constantly put myself and others in a no-win situation. I crave attention yet avoid it. I crave affection but can't bring myself to admit to my wife that I want it. I want friends but I'm convinced nobody would want me as a friend- they'd either feel put on the spot and accept my invitation out of pity for me or reject me. I miss getting together with my sister's family for Christmas yet I turned down their invitation, telling myself that she just feels sorry for me. I can see no difference between compassion and pity.

I'm reading Peter Walker's book, the chapter on the inner critic. My inner critic seems impervious to reason, abhors positive affirmations, and makes a hell of my mind. It seems set in stone- even though I'd love to rewrite the messages. My head is willing- my mind is unable to conceive that such a thing is possible.

They say you can't truly love others until/unless you love yourself- but that seems like such an unlikely goal.

Anyone care to share their experiences wrestling with the inner critic/beast within?

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I met with my therapist today and we discussed my inner critic- the voice inside me that absorb...

bringemallin re: the self-destructive messages my brain sends me are longstanding creepy and spooky remnants (brain patterns if you will) extremely emotionally evil thoughts and vile messages from the depravity and near total self-destruction of my core being by "caregivers" - am dealing with horrific messages that play automatically by rote and had been and still remain - that were repeatedly programmed by unhealthy caregivers into my childhood's, adolescent's, and adulthood's developmental self instead of being programmed with the positive and nurturing messages and lessons I was suppose to receive from them "caregivers".

Am now in EMDR Therapy (5th session I believe this past week) and it (EMDR) is slowly working to help lessen the psycho and bizarre grip from these violent and at times suicidal ideation-type self-destructive brain messages from my past demented prior "caregivers" programming. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming) Therapy is the only therapy that for me has just begun to lessen the grip of intensity and longevity of these cruel auto pilot brain messages that have a life all their own. Part of ptsd for many bringemallin. Sending light, healing energy, and prayers and hoping all great things for you bringemallin. Jade

 

[The Albatross]

I was plagued with inner critic voices for a very long time. As I developed a sense of competency and experience something really major happened in my family and I made a really hard decision and guess what? They went quiet. I'm not sure exactly how that happened, but mostly it has stuck. I can have many periods of stress, uncomfortable or distress... but largely they have not returned.

Added... I'm not really quite convinced I love but rather tolerate myself the same way I do others... a sort of live and live thing. People have all manner of wounds, scars, damage, and pain... I think on a base level I just could understand that I was harming myself with the inner emotional messaging.

 

[The Albatross]

Learning how to hit the volume, or the mute button or at least agreeing on a really base level that the inner critic is your own brain doing a number on you is a good start I think. For me it was the abusers voices... yet they were long gone, and it was me who was picking up the stick and beating myself with it. Ya know?

 

[Arebas]

My inner critic has got a particularly tight hold of me lately. So tight that it won't even let me post an introduction here - I type, it makes me go back and delete cause "who the f* cares and why won't I stop complaining and grow up already?". So, yeah, I hear you.

My T keeps saying this is a perfectly normal reaction and that I can learn to stop listening and start trusting. Most of the time I listen and think "blah blah blah what a waste of time and money". But I keep showing up. So I guess there's this tiny bit inside that still has hope.

I try to tell myself that being grown up means being able to take care of myself - all by myself if necessary - and that if the others don't care and pity me, that's fine cause then I can just use them and not care about what they feel and not feel responsible for their well being all the time. The critic likes this. Not sure it's a healthy approach but it makes the critic approve of me a little.

Either I become a heartless bitch or I finally make connections. Either way, less pain.

But I probably should discuss this with my T, tho.

 

[Deleted member 541]

The more that you "tell" yourself that you "can't" the more you cement that into your mind and psyche. CBT therapy will help you, but it starts with you. You resetting those negative thoughts with positive ones. Everyday, every hour if needed. Stop putting yourself down.

I think that maybe DBT therapy will also help too, with learning self comfort, and even self compassion..... Don't give up on yourself, you deserve all of the things that you want, but again, it starts with YOU!!!!,

 

[Ronin]

I have another issue with 'inner critic' things.

Every time I really get better, & move most of them, major new trauma happens and puts me back into that corner.
& They say insanity is doing the same thing, expecting different results. Which is about how I know I'm mad.

 

[The Albatross]

Yup... what She Cat said, reframe, reframe, reframe... you have to teach the brain/horse... where you want to go... not go where it thinks you want it to (the barn/old behaviors/tapes/the past).

 

[The Albatross]

@Ronin - hmmm... is it really the same OR a "new trauma"... it can't be both. I have had subsequent traumas, a good many. However we all got a learning curve, at least that's what I chalk it up to when each day my eyes open and I am starting a new day, eh?

 

[Ronin]

@Ronin - hmmm... is it really the same OR a "new trauma"... it can't be both.

That's a good way of looking at it and thank you Alby. I think 'just the same' is a depressive cognitive distortion, it's really a 'new trauma with X elements of the old one that matters / that makes for reliving unprocessed elements of the old traumas as if a current new thing' with me, it's not exactly the 'same old' and it's very much not 'just like that', as in exacts.

Useful trace of thought you've gotten me on here.

 

[The Albatross]

Glad to be of service ;):tup:

 

[bring em all in]

Thanks for all the great replies!!!!! So much to think about- I love these forums! I'm considering EMDR and I have an appointment with a neuropsychologist tomorrow to discuss neurofeedback. From what I've read, these involve re-training the brain. So, I'm not giving up, even though the inner critic keeps yapping in my ears. Sometimes I actually listen to music at nearly ear-splitting levels to drown the critic out. Probably not the best therapy, but the only one that works, and it's only temporary.