Love And Ptsd When Is Enough Enough?

[Killashandra]

Hi all,

Well its that time of year again, this time last year my husband was planning to move out and on because of the hurt and betrayal i have put him through yet again. So needless to say he was triggered yesterday, we had plans to celebrate NYs but it fell through because he wasnt up to it. Fair enough. He suffers from anxiety also so now after all this time i understand what he is feeling. I cancelled our plans and had a quiet night in. Through the day he and i talked about his triggers and what i do to that triggers him. He feels that i dont appreciate him enough for sticking around and supporting me through my time of need when all he wanted to do was leave.

We are in a cycle of my triggers triggers him and what he said yesterday hurt alot. He hasnt been sleeping well thewe past few days and has woken with intense emotions of telling me to f*ck off out of his life. The emotion he displayed tells me that this is a true feeling. He wants just me. Not all the other f*cked up versions of me. I don't know whether this is ever going to be possible and because of my other selves he doesnt want to be intimate with me. He would be happy to continue our lives without intimacy if it meant i was me all the time. 17 yrs of disassociated me has traumatized him and there nearly isnt a day that goes by that doesnt have somekind of trigger..

Would it be better for both of us to move on? The main reason he hasnt is our daughter. He doesnt want to be alone and i cant live without her.

I'm not sure if i am making him suffer more by being with me? Everything in our relationship has changed. We dont know what is 'normal' and what isnt anymore.

 

[Justmehere]

Have you considered joint counseling? Does he have individual counseling for himself to sort out all of this?

 

[Killashandra]

Have you considered joint counseling? Does he have individual counseling for himself to sort out all...

At this time no. He believes he is strong enough to cope and has prided himself on having good friends who have also been through mentally ill spouses. They support each other. On the other hand he has no other support beside 1 good mate. He has no family support but neither do i. I've asked him to speak to someone but i usually get a resounding no.

 

[Finchlet2]

I'm sending you hugs but I don't feel equipped to offer much advice as I have only been married a year and its been blood sweat and tears but also complete love contentment and euphoria. Do you still have any of the latter? dibs up for 17 years regardless. I understand the lack of support network outside of the relationship. The cops have stopped contact between me and my family and my hubby family have their own issues but I try to keep a sense identity outside of the relationship. It is important not to fall into the trap of being totally dependent on one another. A relationship is so much deeper when you stay together because you want each other not because you think you need each other, and who knows as your husband sees you get that independent you back it might remind him what a strong amazing person he is married to.