Relationship Lost And Confused

[8Rupo]

Im with someone with PTSD from the war. It started off really good and he was the perfect boyfriend that anyone can ask for. Few months later, he started to show signs of anger, jealousy, insecurity. He start putting me down, manipulative. I sense that he lies all the time and this past weekend was the final straw for me. I am drained, hurt and numb through all the BS. I feel bad and I want to help him but I'm don't know how to. he doest want to take his meds. he doesn't want to discuss and if I do he blames me for trig erring his PTSD. Help. I'm lost

 

[Sweetpea76]

You can't help him and you can't fix him. He has to help himself. You can't make him get treatment, take his meds or treat you better.

All you can do is decide how much you're willing to tolerate.

 

[Knak]

Im with someone with PTSD from the war. It started off really good and he was the perfect boyfriend that...

It sounds like he doesn't want you to help him. If that's the case and he's hurting your feelings the best thing to do is get away from him. That is easier said than done.

People are attracted to those who have similar problems and repeat their past because it feels familiar and you already know the routine because it is normal to you. It is very destructive to you and will not get any better, but worse. You cannot help him if he doesn't ask for help or want it. You have to learn to accept that and realize you want to help him from your own ill conceived notions.

H probably wouldn't care if you left because he'd find another sucker to drain or else he'd try to make you feel he needs you so he could drain more life out of you.

You need to learn how healthy people act and seek them out to be your friends to learn how to live a non destructive life. It's the only way you can get better.

 

[boodle]

Im with someone with PTSD from the war. It started off really good and he was the perfect boyfriend that...

@8Rupo
I'm not in a position to offer much advice at present as I am just processing all what is happening in my relationship with a sufferer. However I wanted you to know you are not alone. Far from it. One peice of advice I am able to wholeheartedly offer is stick with this forum, There's loads of excellent information and lots of lovely people comitted to helping you in any way they can. It has been a godsend to me. Good luck my friend.

 

[Phantom Shadow]

Well, I am going to come from the PTSD Person side. If you truly want the relationship to change, you have to make him see what he is doing to you and that you care. Everyone else is correct, He has to want to change but as my wife of 36 + years can tell you. You have to make him see himself in everyone's elses eyes and what a butt hole he is being. I have had been that way at different times thru those years myself an it takes the love of everyone to make me change. My wife had to use my dad one time and my boss another because I could not see what I was doing to myself , to my loving wife or my kids. So if you want him bad enough and love him enough, you will find away. Do it with a group of loved ones and friends if you have too. Just make sure you have someone to protect you from him in case it does not go well.

 

[8Rupo]

@8Rupo
I'm not in a position to offer much advice at present as I am just processing...

Thank you so much. I need much support since I can't tell anybody I know coz I afraid that he will judge him

 

[8Rupo]

T

You can't help him and you can't fix him. He has to help himself. You can't make him get treatment,...

Thanks. After he left home, he supposedly accidentally texted me an appt for his PTSD doctor then said it was sent to me by mistake.

 

[8Rupo]

Thanks. its amazing the support I've gotten here

It sounds like he doesn't want you to help him. If that's the case and he's hurting your feelings the best...

 

[8Rupo]

It sounds like he doesn't want you to help him. If that's the case and he's hurting your feelings the best...

thank you. This means so much. He says he loves me and he will be really good again. I just don't know when the next episode is going to be. I don't know if he's also mentally sick and please don't take it the wrong way. This is the first time i've even met someone with PTSD. Sometimes I feel like he talks to himself. Then he makes me feel like I'm the problem.

 

[Knak]

It's important to know you deserve to be respected and appreciated. Going back and forth can drive you crazy. I know by experience and still suffer the effects. It can warp your mind if you define who you are by what he says or if you depend on him for companionship.

That is why it is essential that you have a healthy relationship to compare it to. Don't commit yourself to a dangerous relationship. You are probably repeating mixed messages given to you from parents.