Progress, Not Perfection.

[jc3]

Today is a blessing for multiple reasons. Having fought a dual diagnosis for over 7 years it is with ongoing and immense gratitude that just about everyday I do not wake up suffering from the obsession to maintain a life of drug addiction. Through active addiction I had very little sanity and competed against the urges to end my life, so I tried killing myself multiple times by overdosing on sleeping pills twice, and on another occasion combining any medication I could find and swallowing them as well. I also tried poisoning myself on more than 15 occasions, and discovered that I was bleeding internally. I used to strike myself in the head so often to where I felt blood trickling down inside of my skull. Whenever I knew that I was damaging the inside of my body I found a bit of solace because of how much I felt entitled to self torture. My top priority in my recovery from addiction and Complex PTSD has involved a rigorous fight against the belief that I deserved to suffer which involved years worth of repeating positive self affirmations over and over and over and over again. Today was one of those days (and they occur more often now) where I felt the internal joy of actually loving myself and not suffering from the things that for years triggered feelings of immense pain and agony. I am building a more user friendly brain after 7 years of commitment to my therapy. That's not to say, however, that I've wanted to quit because of not feeling the relief that I expected to see after days upon months upon years of work. My personal journey towards self acceptance begun to take a quantum leap in 2015 and has strengthened exponentially since then. The symptoms in relation to Complex PTSD do not have as much of a grip on me today, and I am grateful for having stuck with it long enough to finally get to the other side.

 

[ladee]

Congratulations!!. Very positive start to your diary.
Looking foward to learn from you.
Very grateful you are here.

 

[jc3]

Congratulations!!. Very positive start to your diary.
Looking foward to learn from you.
Very grateful you...

Awe thank you very much. If we are humble we can be open to learning something from everyone. I cannot count on my own two hands how many people, regardless of how different or alike, older or younger, that I have learned something very valuable from. My most recent mentors are the authors John Bradshaw, Scott Peck and Pete Walker. I hope you have had a pleasant day!!