How To Accept Family And Friends Perceptions Of My Life

[Lynda]

Hi.....
Gosh, I don't even know where to begin.....
I guess what I want to know is how to accept/deal with family and friends who think at my age I should be wanting a partner and kids? I accepted this myself years ago, I think for me that night in my early 20s which caused my ptsd, was the night I changed... i guess like most people I dealt with things the best I could at the time, then avoided things for a while till I almost had a breakdown, then got help. Even through the therapy, learning what ptsd was, coping strategies etc.... I knew I was changed and I would never be in a relationship or have kids. I'm now in my late 30s and still feel the same but the older I get the more family and friends are pressing me to "find someone".... for some friends this is the conversation topic every time I see them... which is starting to wear thin and I find myself wanting to avoid them! I know, not cool.... but this pressure/topic is getting more frequent from most of friends and family.... I would like to get them to accept that I will always be single and am happy that way. I know they want me "find love", I know they only want the best for me and don't want me to miss out on "the greatest experience in life". But seriously, it's not going to happen for me and I don't know how to politely get them to acccept that and drop the topic/pressure. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Fadeaway]

Family life doesn't work for everyone. In fact it doesn't work for a lot of people who are trying to pretend it does, yet are totally miserable.The idea is so ingrained in people, that they feel like they can't let it go when someone they love doesn't think the same way. It is a crappy and very real phenomena. I am sure there has to be something you can say t get them to stop, but i need to brainstorm on it for a while.

 

[Muted]

That's a tough one @Lynda , it's so annoying and gets old fast when people think they know what's best for someone else and refuse to respect that persons decisions. Especially when they won't drop it.

Have you tried to say anything like, "this is my life and I have the freedom to make my own choices, I don't tell you how to live your life. I would appreciate the same type of respect in return".

That would be the polite way, but if they kept pushing... I'd probably be inclined to say ' why, do YOU think I need to be married and have kids?' Etc....because eventually if you keep asking questions you will find out the root of their belief.

Marriage and kids are great, but there are many many negatives about it too. Same with being single. Each lifestyle has its own positives and negatives and you get to choose what's right for you!!!

 

[Lynda]

Thanks for your reply...when the conversations come up (with one friend in particular) I have stated that it's just my life choice and I don't tell them how to live their life..... but they see it as " but you don't know what your missing out on". I think they believe if I found the right guy and have kids that I would be catapulted to some level of happiness that as a single, kidless person I could never dream off!!!! I was a teacher for about 15 years and explained I Enjoyed kids at school and loved my "quiet time" at home as well and didn't want to give that up... that being with kids all the time would make me unhappy.... I guess they don't believe me??? I don't know, I guess I'll just have to keep justifying my life choices until They either accept it or I get so annoyed that I end up walking away

 

[Wendy]

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice but you should know that you're not alone. I think in general there are a lot of people who think it's ok to tell other people what they SHOULD want and what they SHOULD be doing according to THEIR world view/life experiences/conditioning, etc. I've seen some really good responses in Dear Abby type columns--they are mostly some variation on the theme of, "It's none of your business."

 

[Lynda]

thanks Wendy.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Lynda it's really no ones business, and this is where boundaries are needed. You might just have to put this as a Do Not Discuss topic

 

[Wendy]

thanks Wendy.

You're welcome! It occurred to me while looking at this thread again...this is probably a large part of the reason that my social circle has grown smaller and smaller over the years. I've really lost patience with other people's ignorance. Sad but true. :(

 

[Muted]

I get frustrated by people see everything through one perspective and never bother taking a step back and seeing potential contributing factors or viewpoints.