I went through a period where I was very angry with God. I'm a Christian and thought it was sacrilegious to be angry with the big guy. I wanted to know why he didn't protect me. Why are some kids spared from abuse and others forced to endure it. He raped me in the office of the church during preschool. Why didn't God send a lightening bolt to stop him? I guess I still have a little bit of anger towards God. Does anyone else feel angry at Him?
-
We are a multilingual website again. Read the notice about this.
-
Understand AI use at MyPTSD: all AI use is explained in our AI help page. AI use is by choice here. It exists if you want it, but does nothing unless you choose to use it.
Has Anyone Else Been Angry With God?
- Post starter Lolo
- Start date
- Status
SophiaWisdom
Gold Member
ABSOLUTELY.
I call it "getting ill" when my CPTSD flared up more acutely than ever before last fall. I have only become a Christian over a year ago though I've been with my home church for 15 years. I immediately hopped into every Christian healing program/session I could get my hands on cheaply when I converted. I'm still in wonderful Christian recovery groups now, as well as seeing a secular therapist for EMDR and doing self-help too. I basically throw the kitchen sink at it.
Anyway, When I got ill I screamed every day to God that I can't take it that He must hate me and should just kill me now since he's putting me in so much pain. When He didn't, I knew it meant He wanted me around for something greater in the future and awsn't done with me yet, so I was comforted.
I could tell him I hated him, I could tell him I was so mad at him, I could tell him I wanted to die - I knew these were all ways to stay close to him. He loves our intimacy and Hes so big he can handle it. Tell him everything, every little thing. He'll embrace all your feelings - the anger, the hatred, the bitterness, the resentment. He has loved me through all of it and taken it into his huge arms. He is equipped for exactly this - only He can hold all of you unconditionally and love you while you rail againt him. Just like a father is patient with his tantrum baby (in the best circumstances), so our Father is patient and loving when we are suffering and screaming and crying redfaced with clenched fists. I know I am his baby, even when I hate Him and almost immediately it goes away when I see how close we stay. He always responds "I love you."
I call it "getting ill" when my CPTSD flared up more acutely than ever before last fall. I have only become a Christian over a year ago though I've been with my home church for 15 years. I immediately hopped into every Christian healing program/session I could get my hands on cheaply when I converted. I'm still in wonderful Christian recovery groups now, as well as seeing a secular therapist for EMDR and doing self-help too. I basically throw the kitchen sink at it.
Anyway, When I got ill I screamed every day to God that I can't take it that He must hate me and should just kill me now since he's putting me in so much pain. When He didn't, I knew it meant He wanted me around for something greater in the future and awsn't done with me yet, so I was comforted.
I could tell him I hated him, I could tell him I was so mad at him, I could tell him I wanted to die - I knew these were all ways to stay close to him. He loves our intimacy and Hes so big he can handle it. Tell him everything, every little thing. He'll embrace all your feelings - the anger, the hatred, the bitterness, the resentment. He has loved me through all of it and taken it into his huge arms. He is equipped for exactly this - only He can hold all of you unconditionally and love you while you rail againt him. Just like a father is patient with his tantrum baby (in the best circumstances), so our Father is patient and loving when we are suffering and screaming and crying redfaced with clenched fists. I know I am his baby, even when I hate Him and almost immediately it goes away when I see how close we stay. He always responds "I love you."
ladee
VIP Member
Not now..but I did.
I have always believed in something more powerful than me. I used Nature as that made sense to me.
But never felt like God really cared about me personally.
How could such horrible things happen ??
I have stood in my back yard as a young woman and raged at God. I didn't fear "punishment" because how more f*cked up could it get?
I wasn't raised in Church and very grateful for that. Gave me the space and freedom to explore what made sense to me. Not what was easy or convient, but what made sense.
But yes..and amazingly all those questions I raged about...have been answered.
I have always believed in something more powerful than me. I used Nature as that made sense to me.
But never felt like God really cared about me personally.
How could such horrible things happen ??
I have stood in my back yard as a young woman and raged at God. I didn't fear "punishment" because how more f*cked up could it get?
I wasn't raised in Church and very grateful for that. Gave me the space and freedom to explore what made sense to me. Not what was easy or convient, but what made sense.
But yes..and amazingly all those questions I raged about...have been answered.
- Post starter
- #4
ladee
VIP Member
People have free will.
We are not programmed cyborgs.
People hurt us. Thier free will.
My free will to heal and learn how not to let it happen again.
My best fiend on the planet is an atheist...and even she gets mad at God. Go figure!
We are not programmed cyborgs.
People hurt us. Thier free will.
My free will to heal and learn how not to let it happen again.
My best fiend on the planet is an atheist...and even she gets mad at God. Go figure!
SophiaWisdom
Gold Member
Love it! :) I was an atheist for the first 25 years of my life - hardcore, skeptical, Douglas Adam/humanism club at my Ivy League college kind of atheist who HATED religion - and the whole time I would even say that God particularly liked me and called me His Little Atheist.
That's neither here nor there, but back on topic - YES! Hatred + Love + Anger + Hurt etc. - they are not mutually exclusive. We usually feel a variety of them together and that is that particular ache.
My faith was all that pulled me through many years of early traumas.
Anger and hatred of God followed my last major trauma and lingered for many years, which helped fuel a cycle of guilt and shame.
Until I understood it was not God's doing that caused any of my suffering; it was the wrongdoing and free will of others who caused my pain.
The blame solely falls to the perpetrators. Not me, not God.
Where I stand now? Undecided, but I have released this misguided anger. My lingering questions are unrelated.
Do you have a spiritual leader you could speak with?
Anger and hatred of God followed my last major trauma and lingered for many years, which helped fuel a cycle of guilt and shame.
Until I understood it was not God's doing that caused any of my suffering; it was the wrongdoing and free will of others who caused my pain.
The blame solely falls to the perpetrators. Not me, not God.
Where I stand now? Undecided, but I have released this misguided anger. My lingering questions are unrelated.
Do you have a spiritual leader you could speak with?
- Post starter
- #8
I'm very involved with my current church. I believe that going to church is what triggered my PTSD. I hadn't been to church in 15 years. I knew a little of the what, but I didn't know the who, where, or the rest of the what. When I started therapy it all started flooding back. The anger reared its ugly head then. I talked with my current pastor then. I realized that I had group of friends that would help me through it (my small group). I think I need to open up to them agian. Thank you for your replies
Cannottakethis
Gold Member
I believed in God till my trauma memories came back to me at age 23. Then I completely lost my faith. I could not conceive of a God that could let so many bad things happen to me, the friends I made in support groups..,,why me...why us. To be targeted at 8 years old. For my supposedly loving parents to ignore and shove under the rug. To become fodder for multiple other predators....how could he do that to me. How could I be expected to believe that he exists, let alone that he loves me?
Am I angry? Not as much any more. Do I believe? Yes. I've read too many things that have shown me he's here.
Is it fair that some kids are spared while we weren't. No. It's totally unfair and it sucks. Just like the rest of life.
Am I angry? Not as much any more. Do I believe? Yes. I've read too many things that have shown me he's here.
Is it fair that some kids are spared while we weren't. No. It's totally unfair and it sucks. Just like the rest of life.
I believe it's quiet normal to reach a point when you insult or gets angry at him, especially after what you've experienced, I mean it's quiet hard to accept. I myself insulted god recently even tho I don't even believe in god.
I had an interesting thought recently.
Maybe the only way to become wise, loving and a great person is to go through the most difficult moments someone can possibly experience. You will realize that people who have haven't experienced much in their life are not really compassionate, loving or wise.
Does god (life for me) makes us experience horrible events in order to make us grow up and become wiser and better people than others ?
How can someone become wise and better in all aspects if this person has not experienced terrible events in his/her life ?
That's some good questions to wonder.
Veterans are a good example of it. They have experienced one of the most traumatic and wild experience: War.
But when you listen to some of them, you can hear respect, wisdom and peace. Their eyes are also filled with pain, compassion and love.
That's interesting.
I had an interesting thought recently.
Maybe the only way to become wise, loving and a great person is to go through the most difficult moments someone can possibly experience. You will realize that people who have haven't experienced much in their life are not really compassionate, loving or wise.
Does god (life for me) makes us experience horrible events in order to make us grow up and become wiser and better people than others ?
How can someone become wise and better in all aspects if this person has not experienced terrible events in his/her life ?
That's some good questions to wonder.
Veterans are a good example of it. They have experienced one of the most traumatic and wild experience: War.
But when you listen to some of them, you can hear respect, wisdom and peace. Their eyes are also filled with pain, compassion and love.
That's interesting.
- Post starter
- #12
Right now I'm going through the cycle of anger then guilt and shame. I'm angry at God then I feel guilty about it. Then it rolls back into shame. I'm a bad person for being angry with God. Then I start thinking the abuse was my fault. I'm a bad person for allowing this to happen to me. I know and understand that I'm not at fault. I just have trouble making myself believe it. I'm going to see my pastor tomorrow morning. This cycle is wearing on me.
- Status
Similar posts
Donation drives
Trending content
-
-
What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?
- goingonhope
Comments: 34K -
-
-
-
