I'm So Disappointed

[Astrid_Shadow]

Hey guys so as most of you should be aware I'm back in adult high school and have been for at least a month. I started falling for this guy in my literacy class and then he tells me his secret. He has an std. No one wants me to be with him but I really do. My mom even said "if you kiss him or have sex with him than your moving out of my house" I can't help but love him. I was looking for a cure for him and I found something I wanna get him it's got a very high success rate. And it's only 67 dollars. I really want to stay with him but if I do I lose my family.
Point I'm trying to make clear. Did any of you guys ever fall in love with someone you could never had cause something got in the way. He's fallen for me and I've fallen for him and there's nothing we can do about it. Any advice would be appreciated guys. Thanks for reading.

 

[BlueOrange]

I'd be extremely skeptical of this cheap cure - it sounds too good to be true, so it probably is. (Although, I guess that depends on what disease it is - but if his doctor can't cure it, the chances of anything else working are very very small.)

I think that your mother is trying to protect you, although I don't think that threats are the right way to do it.

I'd advise you to talk to a doctor and find out about the risks to your health from someone who knows exactly what they're talking about. Then you can consider having a conversation with your mother where you're armed with the facts.

 

[digger]

My reply assumes that you are an adult from you saying you are attending an adult high school.

So far as your mother goes, I would be giving some serious consideration to how healthy it is to continue living with someone that controlling anyway. While it may be coming from a place of genuine concern for you, trying to dictate or manipulate the choices you make for yourself as an adult by throwing up ultimatums is not healthy. I'm not sure what the arrangements are around you living with her, and it is fair for her to have some say about what actually happens in the house that she lives in, but I don't believe It is her place to make decisions about relationships for you.

So far as buying a cure for the guy though.....please don't....just.... don't. Go speak to a health professional about what this would actually mean for you as a partner, ask questions, get facts. Do you really suppose if there were an affordable quick reliable cure that his doctor wouldn't have already gone there with him?

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

Even if it's a small chance I still wanna take it. I think like you guys said that my mom is just trying to protect me. Of all people I had to fall for why someone with an std. I'm kinda mad at myself to be honest.

 

[LadyZane]

My ex had herpes. He was very up front about it, did everything he was supposed to do to keep it from flaring up, and we took all the precautions we needed to keep it from putting me at risk. I never got it. A LOT of people are affected by STDs, you'd be surprised how many, and their romantic lives don't just screech to a halt. It's just really important to never, ever be even a little bit careless. Takes a little of the spontaneity out of things but hey, so do a lot of other factors.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

How old are you? What STD? What "cure"? Can't give advice on it without more information however, no matter what his health issue is, it is not yours to try to cure but its his. You should not go buying "cures" for him. He is an adult I am assuming and responsible for himself, period. His healthcare, his business. That would not be a healthy relationship starting that way anyway.

You can, however, have a relationship without sex or with careful sex. People with HIV or AIDS have relationships but are super careful. Therefore an STD doesn't dictate if you can or cannot have a relationship.

If you are an adult I would lay a strict boundry. Your mother or anyone else cannot dictate how you live your life outside of their home. Therefore, they can tell you not to have him over but cannot tell you that you cannot have a relationship with him. Trying to protect or not that is super controling and very unhealthy. If you are 18 or over no one but you gets to dictate whom you date and marry. Period.

 

[Casey_03]

To be fair, a lot of people have STDs. And a lot of them have STDs without even being aware of it. But I have to wonder if part of the reason you feel so strongly for this guy is BECAUSE he's off limits and forbidden?

I'd also second what everyone else said -- please don't buy him this cure. It's unlikely to do anything but waste your money and give false hope.

As for your mom, it does sound like she's just trying to protect you. She probably fears that if you catch the STD, it would jeopardize your chances for future relationships. I guess that depends on what disease it is. I don't see her behavior as any different from any other protective mother, though.

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

He has genital herpes. Some girl gave it to him. No I don't want him cause he's "forbidden fruit" when I started falling for him it was before I knew about the std.

 

[alis]

If I was in your position I would probably go to a clinic specializing in std's and talk to a doctor about reducing risks of you obtaining it and methods of safe sex or treatments for the other person.

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

Ok I'll do that as soon as possible. Thanks alis

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hey guys so as most of you should be aware I'm back in adult high school and have been for at lea...

First you have to do your research and concentrate on your health while you have it. For instance what would that disease do to you if you contracted it?

Secondly, you might want to ask a physician what such a disease entails.

Once you have that disease there is no turning back. Then if you guys go separate ways you will want to see other people and pick a new partner and then you might be in a situation you can not control.
You might find a new partner after a breakup and that new partner would not accept such a disease. You see what I am saying here..... it is really more a decision of you and your own health. Are you willing to carry around a disease for the rest of your life, even if that partner is not your final partner?

My answer to that is always simple, I would only accept what I believe in. Valuing my own health I would not in my wildest dreams ever choose anything that compromises my mental or physical health.

But I do understand your quandary, ask yourself if you can cope having such a disease for the rest of your life, because a lot of such diseases might have active and passive phases, until the next breakout.

 

[joeylittle]

I can't help but love him.

No...it sounds like you haven't known him long enough to be in love with him. Right? You're in the attraction and lust phase.

Before risking the STD for yourself, I'd spend more time with the person...see if you still like them after 6 months or so?

I know it is frustrating to feel hampered. But I'd suggest being creative about intimacy, educating yourself by talking to a doctor, and if you've not been tested, might as well get that taken care of too. If you still are feeling the connection with the person past six or so months, then you're in a better position to consider what your options really are.