I recently confronted my rapist, who called me "f*cking crazy" - his argument was that whenever I said no, I eventually changed my mind, and that if I didn't tell him to stop, that he did not, in fact rape me.
Is he right?
In the beginning of the relationship (we dated), he'd often ask to make out, or give oral, etc, to which I responded no. I didn't want to go that fast, so I turned him down. However every time I turned him down, he'd either plead or give me the silent treatment until I said yes or left.
Quickly, he ramped it up- "please let me? It would make me so happy" or "I've had a tough day, can you get naked for me?", shit like that. If I still said no, so often he'd kiss me anyways and plead again, telling me that if I didn't, he'd be sad/would go drink until he passed out. I then often said something like "fine" and went with it, because I didn't want to be the reason why he drank or was sad. Is that consent? I didn't want to do it, but I eventually said yes to it, granted due to his pleading, but alas.
At one point, I refused to do anything-I flat out pushed him away because I was having a panic attack (I was also raped at the ages 4-7, and again at 11, so I was sensitive). His response was to yell at me and accuse me of "leading him on" to which he raised his hand at me like he was going to hit me. After that event, I usually shut down when he started trying anything sexual.
I was too afraid to say no, but of course, I didn't want it, so I didn't say yes either. He never actually "put it in me" but he often tried to fist me, or use foreign objects. So as I came to expect it, I'd usually start dissociating from the second he undid my pants to hours later when I was home and laying in bed. Of course there wasn't any consenting if I was checked out of my body yanno?
I can look at the last part and go "yeah no, that's rape" but in the beginning I said yes. I didn't want to say yes, but I was afraid of what he'd do to himself (or me) if I didn't. So I'm conflicted.
Thank you in advance for your help.
Is he right?
In the beginning of the relationship (we dated), he'd often ask to make out, or give oral, etc, to which I responded no. I didn't want to go that fast, so I turned him down. However every time I turned him down, he'd either plead or give me the silent treatment until I said yes or left.
Quickly, he ramped it up- "please let me? It would make me so happy" or "I've had a tough day, can you get naked for me?", shit like that. If I still said no, so often he'd kiss me anyways and plead again, telling me that if I didn't, he'd be sad/would go drink until he passed out. I then often said something like "fine" and went with it, because I didn't want to be the reason why he drank or was sad. Is that consent? I didn't want to do it, but I eventually said yes to it, granted due to his pleading, but alas.
At one point, I refused to do anything-I flat out pushed him away because I was having a panic attack (I was also raped at the ages 4-7, and again at 11, so I was sensitive). His response was to yell at me and accuse me of "leading him on" to which he raised his hand at me like he was going to hit me. After that event, I usually shut down when he started trying anything sexual.
I was too afraid to say no, but of course, I didn't want it, so I didn't say yes either. He never actually "put it in me" but he often tried to fist me, or use foreign objects. So as I came to expect it, I'd usually start dissociating from the second he undid my pants to hours later when I was home and laying in bed. Of course there wasn't any consenting if I was checked out of my body yanno?
I can look at the last part and go "yeah no, that's rape" but in the beginning I said yes. I didn't want to say yes, but I was afraid of what he'd do to himself (or me) if I didn't. So I'm conflicted.
Thank you in advance for your help.
