Please Help Me

[Mrs.Dancea]

my friend whom I love so much tried to kill him self 4 times already and that only since I know him. He's a war doctor. And he's way too far away for me to go and check up on him so we only talk on the phone. Idk what to do to prevent a next time. He's pushing me away as well. I can't take it anymore. I wanna do something to help but idk what. Please help me

 

[Binkie]

All you can do is make sure he knows you're there if you want to talk, and provide him with lots of numbers and places he can seek support. I don't think there's much else you can do. Maybe invite him to stay with you for a while but not put any pressure on him? Tell him how much he is loved and wanted too.

If HE wants to talk, sorry!

 

[Kintsugi]

I agree with Binkie. There isn't much you can do except suggest resources, make it clear you're available if he wants to vent, and express that he has people who care.

I'm more concerned about you, really. It sounds like you're seriously alarmed. Unfortunately, people around those who are suicidal or who have committed suicide often blame themselves--don't. Take care of yourself, and make sure you take the time to assess how much contact you can feasibly have with someone who is so in crisis.

This article may be helpful: 5 myths (and some truths) about suicidal ideation

 

[Justmehere]

Try contacting this suicide crisis organization or any others in your country that might be accessible to you: Alianţa Română de Prevenţie a Suicidului

Suicide crisis hotline and agencies are there not just for those who are actively suicidal, but also those struggling to figure out how to respond and dealing with the very real stress of being close to someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts and actions. I was in contact with one several times when someone i cared about was suicidal. They had professionals who talked to me over the phone and helped me know what to say and do.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Idk what to do to prevent a next time.

You can't prevent the next time. Only he is in control of his actions and behaviors. You can be a friend. Be there for him to talk to of possible but you have no responsibilty of his actions.

 

[Sunshineturtle]

You cannot stop a truly suicidal person from completing their mission if they want to complete it. You can show them love and support, let them know that you are there for them, but, if you believe that ge is truly suicidal, has a plan, can carry it out, you can call 911 andd send police to pick him up so he can be evaluated. In FL it is called a baker act, Md an emergency petition. You can go to the court directly and petition for the 72 hr hold and eval. Only if he is suicidal, with a plan and the means to carry it out and will repeat that in front of two professionals doing the eval. Otherwise, all you can do is manage the way that you react to tradgedy and decide if it is good for you to remain around someone who is constantly suicidal. It sounds harsh, but your mental health has to come first. Stay safe.

 

[Sunshyn77]

my friend whom I love so much tried to kill him self 4 times already and that only since I know him....

I know that it probably sounds corny but you have to let him know that you are always there for him. You have to really mean it and make sure that you can hold up to your end of the bargain because a true crisis doesn't just strike during banker's hours. You have to be ready and available to him at any time. Don't worry about the distance between you. Often times when someone is in this state, company is not something that they desire. In other words they most likely don't want to be in the presence of people but they do welcome conversation. Though your efforts sound sincere and your desire to help proves admirable. You must be careful not to let this situation consume you. You have to make sure that you stay healthy and strong for your own sake. If you become weak and broken down you will be no help to him either. If it were me, I would go in with a plan or limit. Not to say that when you reach your limit, you are going to turn your back on him. You must know when too much, is for you. Sometimes you have to know when it deems necessary to insist the help of a professional. Reassure him that you are there for him because you want to be. Not out of pity or obligation. You will continue to be with him every step of the way. A bad outcome, solely on your watch? Trust me, that is not something that you want to walk around with in your head for the rest of your life. Let him know that you are concerned about him and his well being. If he cares about you as much as you do him...he wouldn't want to put you in that kind of position. Especially considering his history! Sometimes when you tell someone that you depend on them for certain things and they are important to you, it gives them a since of fulfillment. Often times, giving them new meaning or purpose.

Some may disagree with this but he has tried 4 times already. By no means am I trying to dismiss or downgrade his pain or actions. It only takes one time to be successful. 2 at the most because you learned from the first. Sadly, failure is sometimes mans best teacher. His pain may indeed be horrific. No matter whether it is mental or physical. He probably sees no other alternative. This is more than likely a cry for help. (not attention) What he is really trying to accomplish is being seconds away from being successful in his efforts and the right person intercedes with the ultimate path to peace, happiness, self acceptance and most importantly forgiveness. He is no doubt looking for a new aspect on life and not just existence.

I'm no genius but I hope this helps. Good Luck

 

[Tinyflame]

Though I agree that other's words or actions definitely impact, positive or negative, I think supporters need to be 'forgiven' to fail- to not be able to stop it or to not feel badly if they weren't available. I've heard SI described as an emotional cancer; I do believe in many cases there is much science or medicine does not understand (not just biochemically, but rather just like they're finding addictions related to malfunctioning of the reward centre of the brain, for example). I think sometimes it's just too much trauma. Maybe even related more to anxiety than depression- alleviating worry, removal of violence, fear of more loss, or the future, or harm, or betrayal. Etc. There's not much you can do to relieve intolerable (or what may feel like to him 'inhumane' ) suffering in another, except as others have said (& as with cancer) try to be supportive, be kind, be open, be honest, try not to judge, offer connection, tell him he's loved, be available if or when you can, try to include him.

Take care of yourself. :hug:

 

[Mrs.Dancea]

All you can do is make sure he knows you're there if you want to talk, and provide him with lots of numb...

Thank you

 

[Sunshineturtle]

Although I agree with everyone here, you are not his therapist or psychiatrist. Even if you are licenced, it would be unethical to treat him. If he has a plan, or, says that he is suicidal, given his history, you have to allow professionals handle it. If you don't, and he is successful, imagine what that would feel like. Be careful. Stay safe.

 

[Mrs.Dancea]

Although I agree with everyone here, you are not his therapist or psychiatrist. Even if you are...

He doesn't wanna get help. He thinks that he deserves to be die. Bc he lost his colleagues, his brothers as he call them in an ambush. He was the only one that made it out alive. He's a war doctor. And he just doesn't want help. He accepted only me and another 2 to share his problems with

 

[Mrs.Dancea]

I agree with Binkie. There isn't much you can do except suggest resources, make it clear you're ava...

I would give him as much time as he needs. Im too f*cked up to care about me. I just want him alive