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Poll Is It Important To Keep In Contact With A Parent Who Was Or Still Is Abusive?

Is it important to keep in contact with a parent who was or may still be abusive?

  • Yes

    Votes: 3 4.3%
  • No

    Votes: 67 95.7%

  • Total voters
    70
Status
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Yes, the manipulation and bullying waa very tough. My sister, brother both felt that i needed to j...
Yes, manipulation and bullying is there most potent tool, and they use it on their victims all the time. It is the only way that they can invoke the "guilt" trip by making the victim feel bad instead. So, in other words, by using these tactics, they are psychologically and emotionally removed from any wrong doing. And they know it

I wish this message were around my entire childhood. I heard over and over "But she's your mother"...
Yeah, extended family members can sometimes be your worst enemy considering how they are used as "pawns" by perpetrators to return their victim or victims back into their cycle of abuse. That is, victimizers use extended family members by convincing them that they did nothing wrong and their victim or victims are the ones that did. They are so clever, conniving and deceptive that most people actually believe their stories and support them. At least, that's how it operates in my family. A point made here is that most family members who are abusive to relatives, are indeed, either sociopathic or psychopathic, so reconciling with them is pointless, and you will only destroy yourself and your sanity along with it.
 
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The physical abuse stopped years ago and one parent significantly changed so the psychological abuse i...
And your abuser is aware of your financial needs and use it against you to control your life. Isn't that typical of what they do? I think the govt should take responsibility in helping those who want to cut ties with toxic family members and can't for financial reasons. After all, the govt supports the family structure in which they promote its necessity, and the masses believe nearly everything that they say.
 
Yes, the manipulation and bullying waa very tough. My sister, brother both felt that i needed to j...
Your sister thinks you should forgive her husband for abusing your son? You have to be kidding, right? Your wants you to forgive because it is her husband who did the abusing and it will reflect and change her life quality if you pursue justice for his crime. She is his other half and is a representation of him, and whatever he does whether good or bad, it reflects her as well. Also, I would like to ask this question--why most people expect family members to forgive relatives who abuse them or their children, but have a change of heart if it is a non-relative or complete stranger? Does that make any sense? Of course not, it cherry picking based on the ridiculous claim of "blood is thicker than water". So, in other words, they are sending an inadvertent message that is okay for family members to physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally, abuse relatives for the simple fact that they are related, and they should be forgiven and you should reconcile with them with relative ease. On the other hand, don't let non relatives or strangers go unpunished if they sexually abuse a child that is a member of their family. This is Absurd! Another thing, by sweeping the sexual abuse under the rug, you are giving the perpetrator a pass in which there is no accountability, and that's what usually happens in so-called "loving" families. What they don't realize is that they are handing down a legacy of sexual abuse and other types of abuses to future generations. These problems keep rearing its ugly head with every succeeding generation. It won't stop until people realize and accept that blood relations are nothing more than a random pick, and no one should be held hostage or loyal to their families, especially when they were and are mistreated by them. I am so proud of you for recognizing the truth about families. You have opened up "Pandora's Box" in which the truth is slipping into your conscious. Give yourself a Pat on the Back! I got my awakening some years back and I must tell you it was very liberating in which I felt free psychologically and would not change it for nothing in the world.
 
Glad to see this post.. So nice to see others views on this. Eye opening for sure. Helps me to come to...
Of course society is responsible for the crimes of the family structure, because they support it in the media as being all positive and nothing negative. And, forgiveness, which is a cover-up for reconciliation with one's abuser is also promoted in which the victim's family and society as a whole puts significant pressure on them to reconcile with their abuser--and continue to allow them to abuse them over and over again, with ongoing forgiveness

Your words speak so much truth.

Thank you for your wonderful word's of support.
I understand what you are going through because something very similar to what happened to your son happened to me as a child, only that it was my aunt's husband. In-Laws, what I call, out-laws carry just as much weight in protection when harming relatives in their adopted families as that of blood-relatives. All outsiders, of no relations have to do is marry within a family, abuse children in that family and they won't be held accountable for their crimes. At least, that is what happens in my family and what happened to me. It's ridiculous!

My therapist said the online support community has been offering me support she wasn't able to as she ha...
It has to be like walking on egg shells whenever you are around your abuser because the potential for abuse is still there. I feel that victims should not be placed in that position knowing that they are in a such vulnerable, psychological state. That's why I advocate collective acceptance for the victims to choose cutting ties with toxic family members removing the stigma when one goes that route
 
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Thank you @lolamarie1800. You are truly sharing the truth here! I know personally of people who think forgiveness and reconciliation are more important then walking away. It truly is sad. I think more awareness of this in our culture should be raised, so people do not feel as much guilt for leaving! I am so very sorry for what you went through as well.
 
I've recently come to the following conclusions about this:

My abusive parents had serious problems of their own at the time of the different abuses
They did the very best they could later on to try to make it up to me
I actually can't bear to not have them in my life currently, maybe that will change, I don't know. BUT! I do know that 7 years no contact actually made me a million times worse and I was much closer to suicide than I've ever been, without them
It depends on the individual and how traumatising they found the abuse as to whether they can/want to stay in touch e.g. my parents didn't try to kill me, if they had, I'd likely stay the hell away from them
I've found that I need them in my life
 
Thank you @lolamarie1800. You are truly sharing the truth here! I know personally of...
And that's the problem, there is no awareness that, not all families are loving, and in fact, are downright atrocious to relatives, particularly, children. Let's not forget--that children are victimized the most because they can't fight back, and enraged adult abusers use them as "poison containers" to unleash the horrors of their childhood abuse. Most adult abusers, were in fact, abused as children themselves so they feel the need and urge to project it onto their children as to avoid harming themselves. Society should as an effort protect children, re-educate the public about the blanketed myth that all families are loving and caring. Abusers usually hate their children and really don't want them other than to exploit and abuse them. I know this isn't something that most would like to hear because it is the truth and only knowing and accepting it is the only way this problem can be dealt with. There's hardly a day that goes by when you hear or see the news of some family dispute where someone is murdered or there is murder-suicide; and in a lot of cases, children are murdered by enraged unfit caretakers, who have issues themselves resulting from their childhood, and children should not be in their care, period. Most families of these enraged adults with children are blind to this truth and will go to the ends of the earth to protect these unfit parents out of family loyalty and bloodline. It really doesn't matter if that parent is abusive to their children and it has been witnessed by other relatives because they believe that children should not be taken away from their bio parents no matter what. In a way, I blame the extended family for the deaths and abuses of many children because they turn a blind-eye. They are just as guilty, in my opinion, as the abuser themselves. It appears that they have no interest in protecting children and treat them like slaves, pieces of owned property to be used and abused to their content. Children have no escape route in this madness. Let's not forget most parents who are abusive to their children and other relatives, are either sociopaths or psychopaths, and according to psychiatry, there is no cure for those types of mental illnesses. So, what should one do to protect themselves, leave and disconnect from them to prevent the abuse from occurring all over again. Sociopaths and psychopaths know very well how to fake their emotions and plead with their victims making it appear to be sincere, when in fact, we know that it is all a ruse because they simply have no conscious. These individuals will go to therapy and fool the therapist into believing that treatment is working for them when it is not. That is, they know how to go along to get along ,and are aware of biblical teachings such as forgiveness in which they hammer it down the throats of their victims coercing them into forgiving them ,by simply using the guilt factor. There's only one thing to do in these situations, LEAVE! It appears that sociopaths and psychopaths are one step ahead of humanity and that is very sad, and outsmart them
 
I've recently come to the following conclusions about this:

My abusive parents had serious problems...
Every situation is different, and again, it is your choice and no one else's. But, however, I might add that for those who want to get out, it should be their choice as well, and no one should tell them otherwise. The ultimate decision should be that of the victim because after all, they are the ones who know their situation best
 
6 months are gone after previous post. I keep needing them, badly. I want their care, atention and conec...
Have you considered joining a support group or seeking counseling? It would probably help you with the transition. Also, this is a new experience and of course, it feels awkward because you haven't retrained your mind to adjust to it. It takes time,but if you are determined to do anything, it will happen. It takes courage, and change doesn't come at an easy price--there's discipline involved. Also, in my situation, I live nearly 400 miles away from my toxic family and that made my transition easier
 
Lee,
Thank you @lolamarie1800. You are truly sharing the truth here! I know personally of...
Lee, most people psychologically, cannot go against the grain of the "all families must stick together no matter what". They simply don't have the mental fortitude to think rationally regarding this matter because of it. Also, you know that religious teachings are also a beacon for family unity and that keeps family members irrationally tied down to these toxic families. It appears that the victims of these toxic families, are psychologically powerless in cutting ties with abusive relatives because they haven't been taught or educated about the flip (bad) side of family relations. However, there has to come a time when people start waking up and figuring out that something is terribly wrong here. Until they do, they will remain a cycle of generational abuse to come. In other words, they are partially to blame for it because they denying and ignoring the truths
 
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