A little back info: I've seen my therapist nearly four years. She diagnosed me with PTSD primarily related to prolonged sexual
abuse and stalking by a neighbor. I have pretty significant abandonment issues and have also had to work really hard to acknowledge how bad the trauma was. About a month ago I finished a Mindfulness class taught by my T. Stuff had been stirred up. We knew that was a risk. But the stuff that emerged was way worse than i expected. I started having body memories of worse sexual abuse and knew they didn't fit with my neighbor. After about ten days I realized it was my father. My sister was sexually abused by him so this all makes sense. I'm 47 and these memories as best I can date them are from very early childhood. Like toddler and preschool age. They've been surfacing quickly and getting worse. My sessions have been upped and my contact in between has been more frequent. Every time I get a new memory I have to talk to her before I can even begin to acknowledge that it might be accurate. I don't trust myself. I trust her implicitly and find her presence to be a place of tremendous comfort and safety. She has spent a lot of time lately holding me while I sob. And a friend who sees her said she (the friend) was talking to thr T about how she can't even imagine what I'm going through and T cried. Not sobbing. Just eyes brimming with tears. So I know she cares deeply and respects how much pain I'm in. But she is going away. Just for a week, but it will feel like a year. I'm seeing her twice a week now which we've never done except on occasion in crisis. But this has been regular since these new memories began emerging. I've gotten through as long as three weeks without her before. She has said she can be available by phone while she is away but I don't want to bother her. I do find her voice very soothing. Would it be out of line to ask her to leave me a message on my phone before she leaves so I can listen to it when I am having a hard time? Or if I can take something from her office until she comes back? I feel like this will be the longest week ever. I can barely make it three days without her now. I still have two sessions before she goes.
abuse and stalking by a neighbor. I have pretty significant abandonment issues and have also had to work really hard to acknowledge how bad the trauma was. About a month ago I finished a Mindfulness class taught by my T. Stuff had been stirred up. We knew that was a risk. But the stuff that emerged was way worse than i expected. I started having body memories of worse sexual abuse and knew they didn't fit with my neighbor. After about ten days I realized it was my father. My sister was sexually abused by him so this all makes sense. I'm 47 and these memories as best I can date them are from very early childhood. Like toddler and preschool age. They've been surfacing quickly and getting worse. My sessions have been upped and my contact in between has been more frequent. Every time I get a new memory I have to talk to her before I can even begin to acknowledge that it might be accurate. I don't trust myself. I trust her implicitly and find her presence to be a place of tremendous comfort and safety. She has spent a lot of time lately holding me while I sob. And a friend who sees her said she (the friend) was talking to thr T about how she can't even imagine what I'm going through and T cried. Not sobbing. Just eyes brimming with tears. So I know she cares deeply and respects how much pain I'm in. But she is going away. Just for a week, but it will feel like a year. I'm seeing her twice a week now which we've never done except on occasion in crisis. But this has been regular since these new memories began emerging. I've gotten through as long as three weeks without her before. She has said she can be available by phone while she is away but I don't want to bother her. I do find her voice very soothing. Would it be out of line to ask her to leave me a message on my phone before she leaves so I can listen to it when I am having a hard time? Or if I can take something from her office until she comes back? I feel like this will be the longest week ever. I can barely make it three days without her now. I still have two sessions before she goes.
