I'm afraid to talk to my therapist about my sexual abuse

[Kelly96]

My therapist knows I've been sexually abused but I'm too scared to actually talk to her about it even though the memories are eating me up inside. I'm too embarrassed to say out loud what was done to me and I'm also scared that she'll feel awkward or embarrassed. Or maybe that she may then find me repellent or tainted and that she'll judge me :( sorry for the long thread I just don't know what to do. I want to talk about it I'm just so scared and I wouldn't even know how to start. Any advice would be great x

 

[Lucycat]

I know it's easy to say but hard to do. But really I found telling my therapist about the abuse I suffered the best thing ever. Suddenly it was no longer my dirty little secret. I had kept it inside me for so long - like 40 years, but once I told T everything changed. He didn't think it was my fault. He understood.

I would say, if you can pluck up the courage - do it. You won't regret it!

 

[Friday]

I'm too embarrassed to say out loud what was done to me and I'm also scared that she'll feel awkward or embarrassed. Or maybe that she may then find me repellent or tainted and that she'll judge me

I can talk rape and sexual abuse all day long with absolutely no effect on me'self whatsoever. Which I know, because I've done so. In extreme detail. Or not. Casually, seriously, educationally, makes never no mind. And I'm not even a therapist whose job it is to talk rape and sexual abuse all day long, nor have I spent years in school reading, listening, and talking about rape and sexual abuse. I'm just someone who has been raped and abused and who has sorted those triggers & stressors to the point that I really couldn't care less about them. I'd be more grossed out talking about someone sticking their finger in my nose, or bad pop music. A trauma therapist who feels awkward talking about rape & sexual abuse? Is seriously in the wrong line of work. Truly. What you feel about your trauma & what your trauma therapist feels about it are not the same thing. So put concern for them out of your head.

 

[One step at a time]

Different people need different amounts of time before they are ready to deal with what happened. Some people heal without ever saying it in any detail out loud.

Talking about being scared to talk about it is one legitimate method. It can be useful to explore some of the shame in this way, before exploring the content, to get a baseline sense of safety and trust in your therapist (yep, any decent therapist will stick with you through all this and not think any less of you).

It is also okay if after trying that conversation about your fears, you decide you're not ready to talk content (of the memories) yet.

Side note: Personally, I got nothing productive, and probably even some harm, out of really pushing myself to talk about certain things too early.

 

[barefoot]

A good therapist absolutely won't feel awkward, embarrassed or repelled by you and won't judge you. And you don't need to take care of them - it's their job to manage the stuff they hear from clients every day.

There's no rush to tell though and nothing to say you have to tell every detail all at once (or even that you have to tell at all)

If it really feels like you want to share but don't know how to say it, that could be a good place to start. You could tell your therapist that - that you want to tell her about what happened but that you feel embarrassed, that you're worried about how they'll react and that you don't know where to start.

They can then guide the way a little and help ensure that you go at a pace that is manageable for you.

It can be so hard to share difficult, sensitive, embarrassing stuff. When we name and speak to some of this stuff though, the shame that has been so powerful and kept us quiet for so long can really diminish.

Good luck! And be gentle with yourself. This stuff is really hard.

 

[mrsmegan]

I echo everyone's words.

For me - telling my T everything was excruciating, but we wouldn't be able to really do the work on how my abuse makes me feel - dirty, broken, etc - because when he tells me/reminds me that it doesn't make me those things - I know he is saying it from a place of knowing EVERYTHING. And for me, that is huge.

I hope you are able to find the courage - even to start to get pieces out slowly. It is hard, hard work for sure.

(hugs) if you accept

 

[anthony]

I'm too embarrassed to say out loud what was done to me and I'm also scared that she'll feel awkward or embarrassed.

You're doing a lot of thinking on behalf of your therapist there. Stop it please. Can you mind read? No? Then stop trying to mind read answers to justify self sabotage by keeping abuse stored up, eating away at you.

Don't think -- just go into therapy and spill your entire story.

 

[Rumors]

I think things dealing with sex are always shrouded with more shame. It's difficult however, you will feel a relief when you can finally stop carrying the secret and have someone validate how you feel about it. Hang in there! Give it a try on a small level and work from there!

 

[Bristol]

I struggle with this still but have found that by emailing my t stuff in between sessions i have got some of it out. I email her a memory each week most of the time, she will ask me if i want to talk about it, if not its in the bank for when i am. I have a long way to go so shouldnt really be doing advice but you just have to find a way that works for you

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm weird. I can't talk many times but I can type/write, so my therapist and I passed notes for a while. He reads some things I write here (never anyone else - including PCs). Today he makes me read it to him but thats ok. I think due to being dyslexic, my brain is worried about reading and don't process what I am reading so its easier. Later he will make me read things again for processing.

Anyway, my point? Write it here and either read it to them or ask them to read it. It took me an entire year to tell my therapist of my past, another 2 to pull it all out of me, and I have had to tell him some of the most embarrasing things. But he would not be anywhere near as helpful to me as he is if I didn't.

 

[NightSky]

I'm with @Bristol on this one. Without email i would be much further behind than I am, at least in the transferring of information portion of therapy. When I know i need to talk about something but am afraid to, I email ahead of my session. She always brings up my emails which gives me the "in" I need.
Like @mrsmegan i find sharing the details important otherwise I could sidestep my T's validation and empathy by keeping in the back of my head that she's basing it on a partial version of me, but surely if she know everything she wouldn't feel that way. That's already how I feel about everyone else in my life. In this one relationship I want to be fully and completely me, and allow my T the opportunity to help me sort the puzzle pieces and help me get better.
Shame cannot survive empathy. Empathy can't be present for the parts you don't share. Your T became a T because she wants to help people.
I encourage you to become a member on this site and visit the forums often enough to see that what you're feeling is so normal, and can be overcome.

 

[barefoot]

Shame cannot survive empathy. Empathy can't be present for the parts you don't share.

Ooh, this is good...I like it a lot!