Silent tears that don't stop?

[Justmehere]

Has anyone been teary most of the day?

My day started off with getting out of bed, making eggs, and fighting back tears the whole time. No sound, just tears. Then got out the door and to the post office. Had to hide the sunglasses because my eyes were red. Walking out, more tears. No sound, just tears and sadness. And tons of anxiety. I know what's triggering it, and I'm working through it in therapy.

I am functional, mostly. I did work from home and ran errands.

I have been depressed before, but this is very weird and abnormal for me to be so teary. All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. Instead, I'm going to go swim. Maybe that will help.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am unable to cry which I attribute to the anti depressant I am on. But I hope that someone will show up here to comfort you in this experience. I am so sorry that you are going through this but I admire that you are so healthy that you went for a swim so I know that you are going to be okay.

 

[scout86]

Any idea what might have set this off?

 

[ladee]

I used to do that a lot in my healing journey..... silent tears.... like the dam had a leak... so so sad all the time... not just depressed, but just sad... realizing I was doing a lot of grief work.... so many things changed, so many things I had no control over, so much of me lost and hoping I could find the peices.... I so understand, and I feel your pain.... I feel 'silent' for you....

Tears are healing, not a sign of weakness, tho that had been hammered into my head, so at first I felt deep shame for being 'weak'.... it didn't stop the tears tho... just added to them .... I wondered for a long time if I was ever going to stop crying.. seemed like I had been doing it for years.... and it just started to gradually change....

When I first retired at the end of last year, did the same thing for months.... but I knew where those tears were coming from.... and how necessary they were.... and I slept, every chance I got.... just slept....

Just a human trying to deal with a world of hurt... and we do... so today I look back on those times and honor the courage I had to just cry.... to just cry until it was all gone...

Sending you gentle hugs... if you accept.... I do understand, and I honor your courage also...

 

[desiderata310]

Has anyone been teary most of the day

Yup. With no idea why. Irritates the living shit out of me but I figure it's all part of it. Doesn't happen terribly often at least.:shifty:

Like @scout86 asked, do you know what set it off? Any idea?
If you can trace it back that SOMETIMES helps.

 

[Justmehere]

@Rain - thank you, your kind words helped me follow through on the swim.

And it reminded me that I've been here before, feeling like a goal was impossible, after a doctor told me I wouldn't be able to swim again after years of trying to recover from a tough injury. And here I am. 6 months later. Able to swim. Ok, so it's only 4 laps at a time... but I'm only 4 months out from surgery. That was a really encouraging thing to remember.

@ladee - I'm so sorry you can relate with the pain, and yet so glad to know I'm not alone in this.

Any idea what might have set this off?

It might have started with an application, and looking at the past decade of my life... and the lost time spent fighting PTSD. The fear was about an existential sense of being an utter failure in life... and maybe the tears were about feeling like I'll never get out of this hole. I'm not sure. I had a dream last night about how I'll never have the career I wanted, and that my family is out of my life (that can't be changed until pigs fly and they become safe again). I miss them.

Maybe it was how lonely I feel, even when I'm with people. I've worked so hard to trust against but I still keep people at such a distance. My closest offline friend is dying and when she's gone...

I guess it could have been any/all those things that triggered it. No matter what I thought about, even when I was noticing how great the weather is today, the tears stuck around all day.

@Desiderata - it is so irritating. It feels ou of control and I hate being out of control.

The postal clerk told me to "smile. It's not so bad." Ugh.

 

[desiderata310]

The postal clerk told me to "smile. It's not so bad."

yeeeaaah.

Damn it, why don't we have a emoji of the middle finger.
:mad:
I've been known to tell people to f*ck off while I'm crying for saying shit like that.

:rolleyes:

I am always such a pleasant person in general

the part about being alone thought? Yeah.. that's been me recently.

 

[anonymous]

Yes, I've been there most of the day. I don't have words to go with the tears, or even thoughts really. I'm just sad. I'm sorry you're u are feeling this way too.

 

[Justmehere]

Damn it, why don't we have a emoji of the middle finger.

Hahahahaha... I'm sure such an emoji would be so well used... :)

anonymous - :hug:

 

[Teamwork]

I have yet to get to tears. It just feels like crying inside and does the same thing goes on all day. One thing I did do that helped a lot was look at other aspects of health that may help and for me it was to get back on the b12 vitamin. It doesn't get rid of all of it but brings the mood up enough so that I don't feel like I am suffering all over again. I think that is what the feeling of crying is, is suffering. It's hard though, I hear ya on that.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I used to fight back my tears like crazy after being used to being punished for showing emotion in both familial and intimate relationships. We're taught we must learn to "manage" our emotions, but in my world, managing them meant to shut the f*ck up.

Now I welcome and give thanks for the days I can freely release them, and boy oh boy, do they ever flow. The state of the world breaks my heart daily. Emotional constipation is a bitch to overcome. I'm a frequent flyer in the release department now. Better out than in. No more allowing all that suppressing and festering that turns into various dis-eased states within.

Being considered way too sensitive in so many different arenas creates conditions of feeling like one must walk on eggshells more often than not, but that shit hurts my vegan feet. lol I learned many others aren't comfortable having certain emotions actively and openly mirrored to them, making it really awkward when allowing yourself to cry in front of others, but I try my best not to let their potential discomfort make me feel I have to hide how I feel anymore. I owe myself less suffering, not more.

I don't live close to the ocean, so my tears, sweating on purpose, and taking hot epsom salt baths are my only chances for some healing salt water therapy. All three bring me great relief, even though it's really hard to see it as relief sometimes in the moment, depending on what brings about the tears and sweat.

 

[NewBeginnings]

Emotional constipation is a bitch to overcome.

I am inspired to hear that it may be possible to cry again. I really can't imagine it. I grew up in a home that was not safe to show emotion so I learned really well how to manage without that. I did seem to cry a little in my past but over the past few years - NOTHING!
How did you shift things?