General Vacation

[LuckiLee]

So we're going on a 9 day vacation for the 4th if July holiday and i pray it's not like the last one we took.

Last year we took a trip to visit some of his family in Tennessee then did a few days in the Smokey mountains. This was our first vacation together (other than long weekends) and my first one with someone with PTSD. Some of it was hell.

He woke up one morning in the hotel and he was I a very bad place. Yelling about the shitty water pressure, punched the wall and hurt his hand.... Well you get the picture.

So this time I am trying to be more prepared. I have actually written a schedule of what we will be doing everyday, wrote directions to all of our destinations. Prices of activities. Etc. We will only be with family for a couple of days so that should help. I'll do the driving so he can relax a little (while looking for roadside bombs, my poor baby love:( ).

He doesn't do spontaneous very well so the more I have scheduled the easier it should be. Right?

If anyone has any pointers let me know. Thanks so much in advance.

Love you guys!!

 

[Deadman]

while looking for roadside bombs, my poor baby love:(

Oh I get that part so much. Its so hard to stop.

He doesn't do spontaneous very well so the more I have scheduled the easier it should be. Right?

As long as you do it all slow and steady. Lots of short breaks in safe places. No pressure to do something just because its on the schedule.

Do you know his triggers?

 

[Sweetpea76]

My vet sleeps in the passenger seat on road trips. I do the lion's share of the driving. If not, he's constantly scanning for IEDs.

Packing and loading the car is always a bitch. So isn't listening for creaks and car noises and looking for vehicle problems that aren't there. He's former Cav, so that's all wrapped up in his trauma. I make sure to pack light myself and keep the car clean. We have the hotel routine down pat. I get a luggage cart and take the bags out while he checks out of the hotel. If I'm quick enough I have everything loaded and gtg before he gets out there and starts obsessing.

Security in the hotel room... don't get me started. Hypervig from being in a strange place and "exposed". We keep the locks on and kick a cheap rubber doorstop under the door for extra measure. He's usually armed as well.

These are probably the main "away from home" issues I have to look out for. He's in a nasty mood for the first few days of any vacation, so if I can make it through that without telling him to go f*ck himself, it's a win.

 

[ladee]

Well @Sweetpea76 , have to give you lots of credit for allowing for any incidents... but more than anything, appreciate your humor.... next year, might have to go alone, so you can have a REAL vacation....

 

[Deadman]

My vet sleeps in the passenger seat on road trips.

Agghhh! No! Co-driver has primary responsibility to scan for IEDs! Bad things happen if he falls asleep!

Reading these post makes me realize how insufferable I must have been when travelling.

BTW I recommend something like this instead of a rubber wedge - https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B01MF5FLIY/?tag=ap0f5b09-20

 

[LuckiLee]

Thanks guys!

@Deadman, I know most of his triggers (I think). Traffic. Crowds. Helicopters/planes. Loud noises. Last year we were naive and went to some pretty populated areas. Woopsie! Big mistake. This year just a couple days with my family up north on a lake then just the two of us are going to Michigan's U.P. tent camping, hiking...
Going to try to stay off the beaten path. It's not that I have things "scheduled" just where we will be going. Our destinations.

And @Sweetpea76 nope no more hotels. What a nightmare that was. Him waking up in a strange place. Not good! I hope him and I being outdoors will help with that. It's just that mornings can suck at home so... You know. And as for the packing believe me I'm on it. I already have stuff put together (where he can't see it, wouldn't want him to stress out) ;) lol

This whole vacation is about going slow. Wherever the path takes us. We're both looking forward to it so I hope it's as fun as I expect. Hopefully we won't have to throw the F bomb around too much. Fingers crossed!

Thanks so much. Really. For taking the time to help someone you've never met. It's truly appreciated. XO

 

[LuckiLee]

Agghhh! No! Co-driver has primary responsibility to scan for IEDs! Bad things happen if he falls asleep...

Ha. Nope. J won't be sleeping either. How would he bitch at me if someone cut me off? Lmao! JK! ( am I?)

Have a good night Deadman!

 

[Sweetpea76]

The sleeping is courtesy of ambien. He is physically disabled from an IED blast, and road trips were heinous for both of us before. This was the only solution we could think of.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think the schedule is a good idea, but flexibility is a must! Sometimes I just need alone time or down time or sleep time, and scheduling it doesn't really work. I'm all for low key kinds of vacations. I don't understand vacations where you come back home and need another "vacation"! Lol.

 

[Deadman]

Going to try to stay off the beaten path. It's not that I have things "scheduled" just where we will be going. Our destinations.

That sort of plan would work for me. I hope it works for you two.

 

[LuckiLee]

The sleeping is courtesy of ambien. He is physically disabled from an IED blast, and road trips were...

And that's what it's about. Coming up with solutions TOGETHER!

 

[grimalkin]

Vacations with my sufferer were generally difficult. I had no idea his triggers (or that he HAD triggers...or that he had PTSD, it's just all in retrospect that I'm like "Huh. So that's what that was about."), so random blowups were common. He expected me to do all the planning, from activities to where to eat, and then pitched a fit if it wasn't what he wanted. Our first weekend away together I honestly thought he was trying to set me up because he refused to participate in planning ANYTHING, wouldn't help look for restaurants, or even suggest what he might want to eat, and then blew up at me for not getting it right. Or, even better, when he'd say "I want you to have fun, you pick," and then be upset at what I picked.

When we got home? He said how much fun he had and couldn't wait for our next trip. I was just thinking to myself "I do NOT want to travel with you again OH. MY. GOD." And...he had fun? Could have fooled me.

Even our good trips, where I was at least somewhat relaxed instead of feeling like I had to walk on eggshells, were stressful for me, because I realized the only way for me to have any sort of peace was to stay two steps ahead - have about 10 restaurants in mind, in various parts of where we were going, to be able to suggest a range of places (I literally started checking yelp and had lists of places based on type of food, location, price range...). Figure out fun, relatively short, activities. And be prepared that if we were doing something I wanted to do (and he had little interest in), it would be cut short.

@leehalf it sounds like you're on the right track. :) Yelp is your friend for restaurants (I use it just to see what is in an area, and to get a general idea of the quality - I take most reviews with a grain of salt, but it's better than going in blind!). Research, research, research. Figure out logistics ahead of time - I can't tell you how many times I was asked about, like, the driveway entrances, for a place I'd never been to, either. Or parking.

Him: "Where do I need to go in?"
Me: "Uh...wherever there is a driveway? I don't know, I've never been here either."
H: "You should have checked!"
M: "..."
H: "Where should I park?"
M: "Well, we are in the parking lot..."
H (starting to get nasty): "YES BUT WHERE IS THE DOOR!?"
M: "..."