Justmehere
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I'm sick with a stupid fever and posting this here because I need someone to probably tell me to stop.
I have a very dear friend with highly treatable cancer with a 90-98% 5 year survival rate with basic care, who has chosen to not pursue even meeting with an oncologist. She got the diagnosis and walked out. She is scared the oncologist will force her to do things against her will and will even get a court order to force her to do chemo. No really.
She told me the day after the diagnosis she was "so excited" and "happy" for getting cancer... and the reasons might have been manipulative because it meant her family would pay for elective health care she has always wanted that her insurance doesn't cover. I have only known her as a super intellectual, insightful and relatively mentally health person. But I always knew she had a super long history of depression, sucidial thinking, and used to have borderline personality disorder. This was all probably remission until the cancer diagnosis, and might be playing a huge role now?
It's been six months into her self treatment via diet plan, and she is terribly ill and seems to be quite comfortable with the reality that she is likely to die.
No one knows how sick she is, because she refuses to see a doctor, but based on her dramatic physical weight loss, general illness, boughts a of confusion, extreme fatigue, and her statements that she is not healthy... she doesn't seem to be doing well. She sent me texts this weekend about needing to go live like she is down on a farm and live a simple life with no connection to anyone and is seeking purposeful isolation to heal. (There is no literal farm...) She said any phone calls and visits from anyone are too exhausting, is too much work to keep trying, she is too sick she to barely function. She invited texts and letters.
I told her I was worried and concerned about how isolated she is already. I sent an article about how cancer grows. She didn't know it grows at an exponential rate, but thought it was like 1 cell every month and that she has 10 years until it will doubles in size because she read it on the internet because you know, the internet is always reliable... (not.) sigh. She went on and on about how sick she is, too sick to connect to even a doctor. I commented that even those who are dying of cancer in nursing homes still have visitors and connect with at least one doctor. Even if they have DNR (do not recesitate) order in place and refuse all chemo. They still have a doc there to help them be comfortable.
She apologized for my frustration.
I told her this isn't frustration. It's grief. When someone announces they have cancer, says they are super excited about it, and they are not going to see doctors because they are too scared about the doctors doing things against their will, and 6 months into that self-treatment plan, they announce they are too sick to have visitors and they are going to purposefully engage in extreme isolation.... people worry. They get concerned. They are stunned and struggle with fear and grief. I explained I will be really sad if/when she dies. I love her and miss her already. She replied that my mesaages stirred up a lot for her to process that she had not thought about before.
I'm seriously thinking of sending her a handwritten letter of what I would say at her funeral. I rather say it while she is still living, and to her, anyhow. I'm also thinking of including a pamphlet to hospice.
And ya know what? I am pissed. This feels like a weird manipulative slow suicide or something. Should I just back off?
I have a very dear friend with highly treatable cancer with a 90-98% 5 year survival rate with basic care, who has chosen to not pursue even meeting with an oncologist. She got the diagnosis and walked out. She is scared the oncologist will force her to do things against her will and will even get a court order to force her to do chemo. No really.
She told me the day after the diagnosis she was "so excited" and "happy" for getting cancer... and the reasons might have been manipulative because it meant her family would pay for elective health care she has always wanted that her insurance doesn't cover. I have only known her as a super intellectual, insightful and relatively mentally health person. But I always knew she had a super long history of depression, sucidial thinking, and used to have borderline personality disorder. This was all probably remission until the cancer diagnosis, and might be playing a huge role now?
It's been six months into her self treatment via diet plan, and she is terribly ill and seems to be quite comfortable with the reality that she is likely to die.
No one knows how sick she is, because she refuses to see a doctor, but based on her dramatic physical weight loss, general illness, boughts a of confusion, extreme fatigue, and her statements that she is not healthy... she doesn't seem to be doing well. She sent me texts this weekend about needing to go live like she is down on a farm and live a simple life with no connection to anyone and is seeking purposeful isolation to heal. (There is no literal farm...) She said any phone calls and visits from anyone are too exhausting, is too much work to keep trying, she is too sick she to barely function. She invited texts and letters.
I told her I was worried and concerned about how isolated she is already. I sent an article about how cancer grows. She didn't know it grows at an exponential rate, but thought it was like 1 cell every month and that she has 10 years until it will doubles in size because she read it on the internet because you know, the internet is always reliable... (not.) sigh. She went on and on about how sick she is, too sick to connect to even a doctor. I commented that even those who are dying of cancer in nursing homes still have visitors and connect with at least one doctor. Even if they have DNR (do not recesitate) order in place and refuse all chemo. They still have a doc there to help them be comfortable.
She apologized for my frustration.
I told her this isn't frustration. It's grief. When someone announces they have cancer, says they are super excited about it, and they are not going to see doctors because they are too scared about the doctors doing things against their will, and 6 months into that self-treatment plan, they announce they are too sick to have visitors and they are going to purposefully engage in extreme isolation.... people worry. They get concerned. They are stunned and struggle with fear and grief. I explained I will be really sad if/when she dies. I love her and miss her already. She replied that my mesaages stirred up a lot for her to process that she had not thought about before.
I'm seriously thinking of sending her a handwritten letter of what I would say at her funeral. I rather say it while she is still living, and to her, anyhow. I'm also thinking of including a pamphlet to hospice.
And ya know what? I am pissed. This feels like a weird manipulative slow suicide or something. Should I just back off?
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