Want to feel physical pain

[loui50]

What is the pain you need to see? Do you know what it is?

I think i know but not sure. I confided something in t that was very important to me and she dismissed itvas not a big deal. It really hurt me and brought upna lot of childhood crap. I have not been able to talk to her about it and dont have an appointments for 2 weeks. I might email her. I ended up digging my nails into my wrist to the point of breaking the skin. I still dont feel better about the issue with t but the feelings of wanting/needing physical pain are starting to subside some.

 

[Ronin]

I still dont feel better about the issue with t but the feelings of wanting/needing physical pain are starting to subside some.

One thing a time is good.

Thanks for coming to tell us how you're doing now, and that at least some of the feelings are lessening, Loui50. It's appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I confided something in t that was very important to me and she dismissed itvas not a big deal. It really hurt me and brought upna lot of childhood crap. I

Hi @loui50

I may be a day late in adding to this and hopefully you're feeling better today.

I think the deeper issue may be what you confided in your T. Being dismissed or not validated causes extreme pain and a huge drop in self-worth and identity.

Self-harm sometimes comes from the need express the inner pain. It's an outward desperation of inner pain.

What to do about it... reclaim the personal value of who you really are. Not what you feel you are. All of the above ways to help fight this are valuable and definitely worth trying.

Ultimately, the pain you feel inside nends to come out but in a safer way. Sounds ridiculous I suppose, but in the middle of my crisis last week, I bought one of those silly spinners so my other hand had something to do. I find it helpful in dealing with anxiety as well... you'd be amazed at how fast those things can go. :shy:

Anyhow, I just think that it might be worth considering and being validated would be a huge step forward.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this. Fight it with all you've got!

 

[loui50]

@stp2012 thank you for your reply. Until about an hour ago I was still feeling horrible. I had a heart to heart with my husband and I'm feeling some better. I still need to resolve things with T and I'm not sure if I should just email her and get it off my chest or wait 2 weeks. The problem with waiting is that we leave on vacation on Tuesday and I don't want this to ruin my vacation!!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I hear you. What does your husband suggest?

You could wite a letter detailing how you felt and why. Send it no where. That way you get it out, and decide what to do with it later, after your vacation

 

[loui50]

What does your husband suggest?

Well, WHat I was discussing with her to begin with was an issue I was having with my husband. He and I worked it out. I've been with my husband for 13 years and we have never had a problem we couldn't work out. I confided in her which was a big deal to me but she just dismissed it like it was just a little thing. So I worked out the original problem with my husband. But he doesn't have much to say about dealing with T. He just said "what good would emailing her do." I explained that she would email me back and either discuss it or tell me we need to discuss it in person. He didn't have much more to say.

 

[loui50]

You could wite a letter detailing how you felt and why. Send it no where

I typed out a email to her and didn't send it but that didn't help. I might write out in my journal how I'm feeling and hold onto it. Take my journal with me and that way if I can't talk about it I can let her read the letter and then talk about it. That way I'm giving her the info in person but if I clam up I have back up.

 

[Mach123]

I do this with exercise. It puts me right back in my body and luckily it hurts enough. I am in my late fifties and I do a full split. It hurts like hell and I really look forward to doing it. Then I go in the steam room and sweat my ass off and then I feel much better. I will say 'exercise is good' but I know I can only do it because I'm hooked on it like it's a real drug and it is because it really changes the way I feel. I know people force themselves to the gym and they don't feel like it. I could never do that.

 

[loui50]

I'm still having a very hard time. I have a small cut on my wrist where I dug my fingernail into it saturday and I can't stop digging my fingernail into it and making it worse. I tried to email T but I just can't hit the send button. The email is all typed up and saved in my drafts on my email account but I'm so scared to send it. I just don't want to do anything wrong and have her mad at me.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Wrap up that cut right now. Wear gloves. Trim your finger nails down to nothing.

 

[loui50]

@TexCat i should. I really should but i want to hurt. Im scared. I have never left a mark on myself before. I need to fight this urge!!

 

[Deleted member 35429]

Well, WHat I was discussing with her to begin with was an issue I was having with my husband. He and I...

Just chiming in here to point out what appears obvious, your T seemed to be correct in that the issue was something you'd be able to resolve quickly on your own. She was dismissive of the issue, not you, and she was correct it sounds. That isn't the same thing as dismissing YOU. Sounds like that is some sort of transference and not a true account of what happened. And transference would make sense with why you are having "adolescent" feelings of self harm.

When I experience this, I just ride it out. It will come on like a wave. Adolescent minds give in to temptation of self harm but a mature mind will acknowledge it and know it will pass.
I promise you, if it hasn't already, this will pass. Hang in there.

I'm still having a very hard time. I have a small cut on my wrist where I dug my fingernail into it sat...

She won't be mad. These are thoughts coming from a child part of you. Just be observing of it. Journal it. Know it will pass.
Your adult self knows your T will find this valuable in helping you and won't be mad.

Were you punished for having emotions as a child?