My world just exploded!

[scout86]

Remember to breath. First off, do that.

The car. Who does your dad have the loan with, a bank? What's your credit like, is it ok? You MIGHT be able to take over the loan instead of paying it off. Or, if you have to pay his loan off, you may be able to get your own loan, so you don't have to come up with a huge chunk of money at one time.

It might help to try to deal with one problem at a time, and I'm not sure what order you actually need to deal with them in.

And I am sure my brain is doing all of this.

I'm pretty sure it's doing at least SOME of it. I'd put most of that stuff about your SIL on hold. (I'm probably going to do a horrible job of explaining what I'm about to explain. SORRY!) Most of the time, when it appears that people are out to get us, it's the situation. They may actually be out to get you in the moment. There's going to be a reason and the reason will be about THEM. It's relatively rare that a person goes out of their way to make our lives miserable 'just because'. Right now, you're just a blip on your SIL's radar screen. You're not competing with her for anything, you're no kind of threat to her, you're 'nothing'. I don't know what her deal is, but most of the time, mean people, it's about THEM and how things affect them. Don't give her any ideas, if you can help it. Just plug away, doing what needs to be done. She's not going to understand what's going on if you panic and that isn't going to help.

all these things I am supposed to be doing, per my brother and his wife.

Do you have a list of those things? If you do, let's see it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Who does your dad have the loan with, a bank?

Car Max.

What's your credit like, is it ok?

No. Low 400s. Medical bills is what did it in really.

You MIGHT be able to take over the loan instead of paying it off.

I forgot to mention that. I checked that first. That goes with the insurence and not being insured for over 5 yrs. With my current pay and bills, I CAN take on a $235 car payment and I can even do that with insurence being $100. But full coverage is over $200 a month. And I can only find one company that will even insure me. So, I am stuck with the one. I cannot afford what is about $450 a month together. I may be able to pull that off and eat roman noodles, stop my 401K and save no money and stop all spending for the remainder year and a half on the loan but I can't do that with all these expensive medical things.

A title loan for what I am short is what my sister in law said to do but that scares me. Plus it involves a credit check. Though not as harsh as a normal loan, a credit check nonetheless. And, I cannot take a payday loan out as you can only have one out at a time in Florida and they state I didn't pay one back when I was with my ex, which was 13 yrs ago. I see that as impossible as they take a post dated check so if you dont pay ot they put the check through. But, I started my checking acct I have now (well, just resently closed due to check hacking) when I was with him so I am wondering if it was on an old acct before the acct was closed. Id think that would be on my credit as a negitive balance on the bank but its not. I havent cleared that yo but unsure how I prove I paid it that long ago when I dont wven know what checking acct it was. But, need to call to try to clear that up.

And, while scambling for money, I learned I overpaid my cable $176 and they can't seem to reference that. Its an employee acct now and the only amount charged is like $12 a month for equipment and likely less once I turn in the other cable box that was in my dad's room. It will take forever to come back to a zero balance. I called customer service this morning but they have no way to pull up employee accts so called employee services and they "don't do billing" (yeah, and was the biggest bitch ever) and she said i would need to call customer service back and ask for accounting. First, there is no depmt called accounting. Dude, I work there! 2nd, no one can access my acct but employee services. I did call customer service back and she was kind enough to submit a ticket but no one has any idea if it can be reversed and if so, it lilely will take 6 to 8 weeks. Yeah, need the money now!

I suppose thats what I get for paying bills that bull ahead at a zero balance.

It's relatively rare that a person goes out of their way to make our lives miserable 'just because'.

She does it to make me look like this horrid psychopath a her this all knowing princess. I see what you are saying but if i wrote out everything she has done to me, when, and what was ACTUALLY going on then, you'd ask yourself what is she getting from this?

I honestly think she has a severe self esteem issues (though she acts like a narc) and expresses that in horrible ways. She went to the extreme in biatric surgery, she flipped on my dad & step mom for filing bankrupcy because my brother's name got tarshed a small bit, which was orginally my brother's fault. Her facebook was always filled with "my kids would never do this or that" (this and that was things she thought I was doing to shame my dad). They own a karaokee business and my brother is trying to get his name in the music business she is wicked jealous of women groupies. She told my step mom that smoking a cig in front (outside) of walmart wasn't "socially acceptable". She acts like she is the best at everything and knows everythihg. She is plays Dr, saying I don't need this medical equpiment/device, medication, or Dr and should have this instead.

She is just....:wtf: there are no words!

She's not going to understand what's going on if you panic and that isn't going to help.

I know but I am trying to stop the panic and I can't seem to. I've had to say "it's anxiety brain" and "I am sorry, trust is hard for me" a few times. I can't unplig until the cars are settled, either way. Then they have nothing over me anymore.

And I know, in a way, that its about her, but then the past hurt floods back and, i don't know. It is all mixing weird.

As to a list of what needs to be done, I did that. The only thing left is to sell my car, find any money short and buy my dad's car loan out or put my car in my name on the 25th. I have already done the rest. The panic is "OMG, they can take both cars". And "what about money for all these Drs and medications"? And, "what if I am short on the loan and my car is sold"? My brother said "we will work it out, as long as its not $1,000 or $1,200" so he indicated he would loan me the money but he never said that. His wife said about a title loan but I am unsure how to take out a title loan on a car not in my name yet but still, freaks me out.

Oh, and figure out if I am trying to move my therapist to the 24th or just canceling the appmt

Sorry if I missed something. I started this last night, fell asleep, and finished it right before work. And also sorry if this doesnt make sense.

And sorry for any typos. I cannot proof read but will on break in a few hrs.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@lostforgottensoul Seriously, over $200 for full coverage??? Why do you need full coverage? I have collision, and then the lowest of everything else on my insurance policy and haven't changed it one bit since the day I bought the car 8 yrs ago. I paid the car off and still have the same ins and its less than $60 a month!!!!! With COLLISION!!!!! And I live in TAXachuettes. Where everything is high!!! LOL

 

[scout86]

stop my 401K and save no money and stop all spending for the remainder year and a half on the loan

I'd start with that. Retirement savings is great, but right now you need to focus on right now.

What does it take to get your car in your name? Isn't it going to be easier to sell I'd it's in your name anyway? Can you get by with that car and not deal with your dad's? Or get that his is a better car, and it would be a better deal, if you could afford it. Maybe you can't afford it right now.

I'm guessing you need full coverage because of the loan. Is your cart paid off?

The 5 years without insurance thing is something I've never heard of. I suppose it's a state deal.

None of that stuff about your SIL matters right now. All you need to keep at the front of your mind is that she's not your friend. Then don't expect her to be. I know there's a history, but it's history. This is now. Stay off her radar screen and she won't bother with you.

Stay away from pay day loans,, if you can. I'm not sure you'd be able to get a title loan on a cat you already owe money on. Got any friends you can get a bridge loan from?

Let's deal with this first. The medical stuff is important too, but let's take one thing at a time.

I'd suggest making the appointment with your T a priority.

As far as them taking both cars goes, they live in another state, right? Then 'taking' anything is less easy. It would take time and planning. It would be a hassle for them. Stay off their radar. Chew your finger nails to the bone if you have to, but don't bother them.

What about making a deal with your dad where BOTH of your names are on the car & you agree to pay the loan and the insurance? (Document everything,, obviously.)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Isn't it going to be easier to sell I'd it's in your name anyway?

No, my dad signed the title. So its actually more expensive. Over $200 for tag/title in my name then selling it, buying another car, I am out the over $200 when I can just sell it as is since my dad signed the seller areas of the title.

Can you get by with that car and not deal with your dad's?

That's up to the car. Being that it has died 3 times leaving me on the side of the road in the middle of the night, had to have 5 replacement parts in 2 yrs, and has almost 200,000 miles on it, I don't have any hope this car will last much longer. I have put over $3,000 worth of work into it in 2 yrs of owning it and that is having a machanic that gets parts wholesale and charges very little for labor. If that was something any other well known mechanics, it would have been well over $10,000. Firestone wanted to charge me over $800 for the radiator when my mechanic did it for just over $100.

Or get that his is a better car, and it would be a better deal, if you could afford it.

Its for me to have a better car and my dad to be out of debt. Apparently they have taken over full care of my dad including what he eats. So, they are focued on him, not much me. But, its an SUV, which means I have room for a service dog and people and things, etc as well. Its worth over $5000, a much newer car and just overall much better. $4100 is a steal for this car in my opinion. I have $2400 saved. If I get $1500 for my car, i'm not short by much. Which is why my brother said he would take care of it. But should I take a loan from him? I dont know. I can buy any car and with the 2 grand I have, I can buy another car. But a better car? Not so much. And, if i put the car in my name first, im out that money again.

I dont mind putting it into my name and then hoping to god it lasts until i can buy another. I will be forced to if it doesnt sell by the 24th. But i do like the SUV, a lot. And $4100 isnt bad for this car at all.

Sigh!

The 5 years without insurance thing is something I've never heard of. I suppose it's a state deal.

Yeah, I think its a Florida thing. Penalized for not having a car (for as much as they know) is BS in my opinion.

Got any friends you can get a bridge loan from?

Nope! Well, my parents had friends and I can ask. He does make a lot. He is in IT. Will text and ask them. But other then them, no. I have no friends period.

What about making a deal with your dad where BOTH of your names are on the car & you agree to pay the loan and the insurance? (Document everything,, obviously.)

Cant make any deal with dad. Dad now have power of attorneys (my brother and his wife) whom are now controling EVERYTHING dad related, including what he eats. So deals with dad are off the table now.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Why do you need full coverage?

If I take over payments, it is a finaced car still. In florida ar least, any finaced car must have full coverage. The only way i can get liabilty only is if i fully pay off the loan, thus no longer finaced. Scout was asking about taking over the loan. That is why i cant.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Retirement savings is great, but right now you need to focus on right now.

Apparently I don't have a 401K. I do have a Fidality account with Charter (and apparently still with Sprint) but it has a balance of 0.00 and I have been paid once.

The way i understood it was like Centurylink did. Enroll automatically unless you opt out, starting contributions at a low percentage (I think it started at 1%) and go up by, I believe 3%, a year, automatically. Centurlink called it the Dollar and Sense plan. But, i dont see where it has me enrolled. I may have opted out when I signed up for benefits. I dont remember what I did.

So, thats good I guess. I have NEVER been able to save a 401K but it has saved my ass. Without it, I would have been homeless on this job loss and a few others. But, oh well. Can enroll later. At Centurylink, I honestly was trying to save for retirement. I left it alone, never counting any of that money, only doing one hardship withdrawl when I bought the car I have now.

Saving for retirement is hard! For me anyway.

 

[scout86]

having a machanic that gets parts wholesale and charges very little for labor

Have you mentioned to that pertain that you want to sell your car? Maybe he(she) can help.

It sounds like you have this fairly well sorted out, you just need to sell your car.

How about this. Since its a priority that your dad's debt be dealt with, how about you tell them that you will take over the payments, now. When you sell your car, you will pay off the loan and they can transfer the title. Get it in writing. (Make something up to explain this, if you have to. Don't offend anyone, but get it in writing.) I'd bet they are mostly concerned with not having bills to pay. If you can convince them you'll handle it, they will probably work with you. (His vehicle sounds like the way to go.)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Have you mentioned to that pertain that you want to sell your car? Maybe he(she) can help.

Yes, in general. Not a "I'm selling it now" but rather "I need a new car" and he said "we..." (yes, he said we) "...need to get you into a less of a money pit".

I can call him for help. I'm thinking with only a week to sell it, it may not matter much and he can be impossible to reach as his cell is his contact #, everyone is calling him every min of the day, and he only answers a 3rd of the time and never returns calls unless its about your car he is fixing and even then can be a bitch to get ahold of. Only thing I dislike about using him but his prices allow me to look past it.

He takes the weekend off unless its an emergency car fix so will call him Monday.

How about this. Since its a priority that your dad's debt be dealt with, how about you tell them that you will take over the payments, now. When you sell your car, you will pay off the loan and they can transfer the title.

I am not sure about car insur. Taking over payments, to them, means it goes into my name. They are not allowing me to do anything with my dad's name. I tried "I will pay you the payments and insurence" (because I CAN pay that as his insurence is way lower) and they will not take that. I even said we can set up an auto draft for it. Nope. So, taking over payments means it goes into my name thus full coverage insurence. The 2 grand can substain that for a while but not that long. And then can you change it mid policy? I have never needed to.

They are control freaks. Big, BIG, control freaks and they now are controling my dad big time. So, I am not sure they will do much more then what they have told me they will do. My sister in law kindly reminded me "we are doing you a favor by helping you" so, yeah, fear pushing my luck with someone that can come down here, take both cars up there, apply for a new title and sell my car to then buy out the loan to his. Yes, a pain in the ass but something they would most certianly do.

It sounds like you have this fairly well sorted out,

Sort of. Its the out of control-ness I am feeling. The insane freaked out-ness state i am constantly in. My mind making up all these weird things simply because they can hurt me.

I had this all planned out and its pissing me off that it got all f*cked up. I WAS saving for a car and was going to have a good amount very soon.

And then my Drs and meds are freaking me out. Sadly I have had to priotize my medical area and my therapist is on the bottom of the list below my pain dr and my seriquel refill. So, though I badly need an appointment, I am unsure that can happen. Its all about money at this point.

 

[scout86]

I'm thinking with only a week to sell it, it may not matter much

Actually, with only a week, I think it matters a lot. Car people often know people who are looking for cars. Really and truly. He knows the car. (yeah, he knows it's a money pit, but he may know someone who is looking for what you've got to sell.) The car thing is it's own little world. Really. I'd call and leave a message ASAP. It's not like you're asking him to WORK on it. If one of my clients had an emergency "I've got to sell my horse NOW" situation come up, trust me, I wouldn't mind getting the call on a weekend. (I get calls on the weekends anyway.)

And then my Drs and meds are freaking me out.

Yeah, there's that.

Have you explained your situation to them? If not, do that. And, ask about options. You'll be able to pay them eventually, right? So maybe they will wait awhile. Some drug companies have programs to help with the cost of drugs. Sometimes there forms of emergency help out there that you have no idea exist. You've got to tell people about the situation and ask for help. This is something I'm terrible at, BTW, so I get that it's hard. But, there have been an amazing number of times when I've learned that there was help available for a problem I'd had AFTER the disaster was over. I just assumed there was nothing that could be done and toughed things out on my own. So, be sure you let the people who know you know what's going on. Including your T.

One other thought, and this is probably a long shot. You might ask HR where you work if there's any programs there that could help you make it through this short term rough spot. A lot of people are pretty broke by the next time they get a job..... Most companies aren't that nice and don't really care about their people, but you could ask around & see. But, they hired you. You're a lot more useful with your pain meds & a car. Can't hurt to ask around.

Taking over payments, to them, means it goes into my name.

Thinking about this some more. I can totally see that as a first choice. But, what if the first choice isn't going to work? Would their second choice be to drive down, pick up both cars, leave you stranded, AND then have to sell both cars, while making the payments on the newer one? Probably not, right? Probably they'd rather not have to make any payments or do anything else at all, just go on with no hassles. Yes, they are 'doing you a favor'. Kind of. But, you are also trying to work with them and spare them having to deal with the whole car situation. You aren't trying to cheat them, or get something for nothing, you're just trying to get the time to work things out. Time you didn't get, because all this came up rather suddenly. And, you've been helping your father out in the meanwhile, by providing his wife with food and a place to stay, while she & her family sort things out. (:rolleyes:)This is one of those 'Plan B' situations. (Ok you're probably up to 'Plan H' by now, but you know what I mean.) If you can't get the money together by the deadline, you can't. Then you need another plan. Seems to me the best one for all concerned is they cut you some slack on the time. (When's the next payment due?)

And then can you change it mid policy?

Yes. You just bring proof of the pay off to your agent and change it. Not a problem.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Have you explained your situation to them?

Yeah. I laughed when I read this. When I explain anything to them, their answer is some form of "you are 36! Grow the f*ck up and figure it out!" They have no care of anyone's worry and seem to think they have it all figured out and have been through life's hardest struggles.

But to answer your question, yep, I did. They didn't care and nothing changed in their mind. I'm telling you. Talking to them is like running your nuts through a meat grinder. I don't have nuts but you get the idea lol. Seriously. I am a nervous wreak when I do speak to them and worrying myself to death between talking to them! I don't like it one f*cking bit and this shit is why they haven't been in my life in like 13 ish years!

You'll be able to pay them eventually, right?

Yep, and have paid everyone back every dime I have ever borrowed when I said I would. My dad can vouch for that!

So maybe they will wait awhile.

Them? Wait? Never! They are NOW, NOW NOW people! Its freaking crazy! Cleaning the car. f*ck! I am like, look, I gotta work 40 hrs, train my dog, which normally takes every other spare min of my day and the more I put that off, the further behind we become. And have pain. I just couldn't get it done when I told them I would and that was them stretching it. And I just said I will not put off Chopper's training anymore and we had a rather heated discussion over that. Over whether I should train my service dog in training at all until the 25th. I mean, come on!

So, thats when they said to just take pics of it dirty and post it. And them being those sort of people is why my car is on sale now instead of when I have the title back in the mail. My dad needed to sign the back as well. I thought it would be easier to sell with the title signed in hand and she was like "no! Now!"

There is just no getting through. No amount of hardship or pain or issues or anything. Apparently, being an adult means I need to just figure it all out...now!

Some drug companies have programs to help with the cost of drugs.

Will have to look into this. I don't think there is anything out there for Seriquel XR specifically but I could be wrong. Those RX savings cards are nothing. Tried those before. There is one that might save something that I can try. My PDoc is good at telling me if the manfactuer has a savings card/program. So, im not sure. Will look into it though.

You aren't trying to cheat them, or get something for nothing, you're just trying to get the time to work things out.

Wish they got that!

And, you've been helping your father out in the meanwhile, by providing his wife with food and a place to stay, while she & her family sort things out

Yeah, they don't see it that way. The way they see is my car/insur and electric was/is in my dad's name (no matter who paid it), they think he has dementia and needs to be cared for when a VA medical Dr said otherwise, and their wife is some strung out junkie when in reality she is a 60 yr old in pain that got addicted to her medication, so I have been taking advantage of my dad, not caring for him and "allowing" him to get into "this state" and "enabling" his wife to "take him for what he's worth".

In reality, we were helping each other. I had needs and he had needs and together we met those needs. But reality doesn't really matter as they hold the power at the moment over this situation and that is what I am struggling with. I don't like it, one bit! I feel super powerless and my brain is telling me that worse case senioro is I put my car in my name and it dies forever and I have no way to buy a car that fast and need to get to work. Which isn't a simple bus ride but an elborate 2 hr ride the other way and back to work, and some walks I can't do. My parent's friend works way different hrs and lives in Orlando and my pain Dr is a f*cking 6 and a half hour bus ride away. I just cannot feel at ease even a little bit. I can't shut my brain the f*ck up and its go, go, go hypervegelent f*cking hell!

Oh, and can't tell them that because they are the ones that said, verbatium, that I had a "good cheistian upbringing". PTSD? WHAT? Pshhh! They think the service dog is mobility only which is the only reason they haven't shut that shit down their "you don't need that" shoot!

:banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead::banghead:

 

[scout86]

I meant "have you explained your situation" to your doctors. I know your family doesn't care. But, at least SOME people who go into medical fields do it because they want to help people. They may be willing to work with you. I know that stuff usually gets billed and it takes a long time for the bill to show up, so that buys you some time too.