What age did you consider yourself to be a child?

[Tinyflame]

Thank you @She Cat . I myself thought 'why would anyone care?/ No big deal./ Handle it'. But I did/ do seem to have 'situational blindness' sometimes, I seem frequently caught unawares. As in trusting (though not)- didn't think of it coming or ignore warning signs, or don't see them that way, like a child -possibly?

 

[Deleted member 37085]

when people say 'childhood', where does that begin or end?

Throughout my lifetime (even in adulthood - I've been in/out of dissociation (states) so this is hard one for me...
There were several event memories of only seconds at a time of me as a little girl (child) that jolted me out of dissociation and into awareness again for only seconds of time. I was a little girl, yet I have no exact timeline (age either) of these tiny remembrances while not disociated:
.being brutally beaten for driving down hill on bike and wrecking;
.playing w/little 4mo. old brother in his crib and his beautiful blonde hair and his lovely big blue eyes and his sweet cooing;
.hearing mother scream after discovering 4mo. old beloved baby brother dead (murdered I believe by sexual predator) in crib;
.being aware of being made to eat my food turned to vomit repeatedly;
.only a split-second remembrance of Penny the bulldog, that's all and I was little girl at the time;
.memory of being little girl w/sparkly acrylic high heel shoes on;
.dancing in front of large crowds on stage as a costumed "fairy" princess w/many other little other little girls also in long beautiful sparkling full dance (costume dresses) in Calif...

or end?

Immediately after losing virginity in my late teens...

In forum when I refer to my little girl within (this is not a separate self from me as an adult per se as I (only for me) do have an adult self, no parent self other than extremely punitive - which is why I've had no children, nor bio-sis, nor half-sis had no children as well - then my ittle girl within (child self) and I'm referring to that part of me that could not protect (for hardly any memories of same) as a child, teen, etc. and who loves God, friendly loving and caring people. My little girl (child within is still very much alive inside of me) and she (I) used to be crippling trusting of others-not as much anymore), loves laughing, sneezing (funny!), smiling, doing random kindness to/for others like giving candy, cookies, watching horror movies (my adult self does not like horror movies now so I don't watch them anymore); loves chocolate anything, bunnies, guinea pigs; nature, loves puppies, fruits and veggies, and so many! things!!!...perps were unable to completely obliterate her (my little girl self within) nor were they able to annihilate her from trying to now seize the day! They will not destroy what is still loving and caring about me...my child within...

May sound strange...but only for me - my culpability only began after I was correctly diagnosed in 3/12 w/cptsd. and only when after this I was able to only try and begin to understand about promiscuity, transference, boundaries, etc. and that I now have choices...and that I'm not a caged bird and not a victim of current (still dealing w/past in snapshot remembrances only) circumstances anymore...I stayed self-imprisoned for so many years after perps were long out of physical presence picture.

what about the time in between- what do you think, as relates I guess to anything, but especially dependence/ independence, expectation

After 3/2012, I began to after much reading, and way lots of introspection and also reflecting back (also flashbacks, etc.) began to see the learned helplessness patterns and when/why they started and how this played into expectations of self/others. Devastating to have the curtains pulled back on all of this and yet, now needing and trying to heal in a big way...one moment at a time...great thread @Junebug...thank you.

Truth: Still crippled re trust of others around me...truth...

 

[Friday]

Interesting Q! :tup:

23 onward I was a mom, and therefore the designated "grown-up". ;)
17-23 I was military, and adult.
17 preceding, under my parents authority, was my childhood.

LOL... My parents haven't gotten the memo. I'm in my 30s & my parents still consider me -and the rest of their kids & our cousins- as children :rolleyes:

 

[EveHarrington]

Childhood til 12, teen through 19 (lol), but technically an adult (by law) at 18.

 

[The Albatross]

A child? Uh Birth to 14 (I was a very rigidly controlled/protected child though)
A "teen" - 14-19 (even though I emancipated myself at 17 and was on my own... I had to be way cautious cuz I knew I had maturity issues already and was a bit socially cockeyed)
A young woman 19-25....

Your shrink's right though so far as the age for most people's brains developing thing through to about age 25: At What Age Is The Brain Fully Developed?
Further, (from an article from the BBC) "There are three stages of adolescence - early adolescence from 12-14 years, middle adolescence from 15-17 years and late adolescence from 18 years and over." (link: Is 25 the new cut-off point for adulthood? - BBC News)

 

[Friday]

@The Albatross :D

I think the historical age of majority -in conjunction with / backing up- modern neurology is a really interesting one, too.

Spoiler: Oops. Really long half off topic jaunt. Apologies Junebug.

Legally it was 21 in most states (not 18 until the Vietnam War), but both practically speaking / common use & legally (when trust funds released, inheritances/property was bestowed, board seats passed from reagents/executors, responsible positions became available, etc.) was either 24 or 26. (It's really fascinating to me to read fiction from the early 1900s -pre WWII- & essays from earlier... where one of the common threads is "NO woman has to admit her age after 24/26!" ...because at that point she was no longer a minor / in her majority with full rights & responsibilities of adulthood. While the same held true for men, there's never really been any shame attached to growing older for men. Again, state laws read 21, but most contracts/wills/estate paperwork/employment/etc. qualified majority as 24 or 26.

(Not a tangent, I promise, will tie in momentarily) >>> I was really shocked when I took my first History & Lit of Britain class in college... Because our professor on Day 1 asked us what age we thought most people married from the Middle Ages through the Industrial Revolution. Come to find? Most of us were dead wrong. The average age of marriage for most people in the UK for nearly a thousand years (church records, both the Catholic & Anglican, kept reeeally good marriage/birth/death records!) was EARLY THIRTIES??? :eek: Yup. Primarily a byproduct of inheritance & housing. The eldest son got the farm/cottage/etc. Every other son & daughter needed to work to save up for a home before they could afford to marry. So the eldest son might marry younger, but the vast majority of people worked/saved until they hit 30, then started dating/courting, then got married. I forget the exact numbers. I think for women it was 31 & men 34, but I could be off a bit.

He did this on day 1 each quarter because we're colonials... Who married young (teenagers, usually), bred hard, & died young as a rule. And -worse- tend to both have a fixation with & view the teeny tiny nobility class (where people could be betrothed as toddlers) as "normal". When it never has been. So if we were to understand the context of what we were reading? He needed us to understand what most people did. What drove them, what was expected. (Not what our own history -or Disney- teaches us).

So the cool piece where that ties in to brains being fully mature at 25 / Age of Majority... Is that the industrial revolution changed almost everything... Except marriage age. Up until WWI ate almost an entire generation of young men, & WWII did it's level best to finish the job... It was considered the height of folly to marry under 30. Not because people needed to work to save for marriage any longer... But because you weren't considered to really know yourself & know what (and therefore whom) you wanted in life. Marry in haste, repent at leisure.

So I just think it's cool/interesting that modern science is backing up what "common sense" dictated ... For roughly a millennia.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

@The Albatross :D

I think the historical age of majority -in conjunction with / backi...

In that historical study were they following religious rules on procreation?

 

[Tinyflame]

Holy smokes thank you everyone- and please don't aplogize @Friday , wow, if anything I'm shocked to see that the consensus is 'later' vs earlier. And @JadesJewel this is kind of astonishing to me in and of itself:

May sound strange...but only for me - my culpability only began after I was correctly diagnosed in 3/12 w/cptsd. and only when after this I was able to only try and begin to understand ... that I now have choices...and that I'm not a caged bird and not a victim of current (still dealing w/past in snapshot remembrances only) circumstances anymore...I stayed self-imprisoned for so many years after perps were long out of physical presence picture.

I just think that's-- an amazing thought. :wideeyed: :) Maybe because there is so much truth in it.

I am sorry as in it breaks my heart to know what you have all suffered. :( But so grateful for the input. :hug:

I suppose I would have thought, 5-ish = child; 10-ish teen, 14 adult, 18 I am totally on my own, in all/ every way. Well, in some ways, or I suppose a lot, I was, though I also 'received'.. hard to figure out? Culpable by 14, without a doubt.

ETA! But started getting 'my noodle' (brain cell working o/t) by early 20's with self-help, questioning by 30's, desperate and seeking help by about 38. As far as from others/ not just self-help. Which was foreign to me.

PS, not sure if it's this thread's responses but I had a PJ day without a breakdown, first time in about 7 or 8 years. :barefoot::p Felt wonderful. :notworthy::laugh: Thank you all. :):hug:

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Junebug let's hope that you have more PJ days without meltdowns, breakdowns or any other downs!!!!!! On and upward from here on out!!!!!!

 

[Lionheart]

Good Question!!!!

I think childhood was, for me, age 12 and under because by age 12, I had taken responsibility for my mother and my siblings, even tho unbeknownst to me, it was not my responsibility to do so.

Also, I had many overlapping trauma events at age 13, when I officially became a teenager, and considered myself to have had real adult problems and issues then.

I think true adulthood doesn't really start until one actually matures and "grows up" which, in my opinion, doesn't often begin until one reaches their mid-thirties and sometimes doesn't happen at all.

I think many of us that were traumatized as children were saddled with adult problems and responsibilities at too young of an age so that we got a feeling of being "old before our time".

Anyways, I don't think that chronological age has much to do with being an adult, but being a child certainly includes the formative years from 1 to 18. This of course is just my opinion and viewpoint and should be taken as such.

Thanks for asking as it has given me much to think about.

 

[Teamwork]

I've been thinking about this one for awhile now because my t keeps referring to things I was told to do as a child being not in control of what I was...[/QUOTE]

 

[Tinyflame]

@Links , can you explain more? The post cut off but I am very interested in hearing it, thank you.

@She Cat your words and you are precious and priceless to me. Thank you. :) :inlove: :hug:

Yes @Lionheart777 , I very much agree! Thank you