Re-Traumatized - How Do I Heal?

[Kunoichi]

to make a long story short:

Someone who I thought was going to help me put one of my abusers in jail...promised me he knew a federal agent that would assist me. I committed. It took all my courage, all my strength to say "Ok let's do this." In the next breath, he told me how I was just scamming people, what I went through was fake, how i sounded "too normal" (Us PTSD'ers can be so good with the mask right?), and how I was just lying.

I felt shattered. This happened yesterday. I know I shouldn't have trusted him, I should have known not to...but I wanted so badly to believe that my abuser could go to jail, and not hurt anyone else.

I feel like a fool. How can I trust? And Now, how can I get over this new event? I feel like all the feeling of my abuse come back? All the lessons of survival flood my senses. :wall:

The biggest lesson that it reinforces: I am a fool to trust and expect others to help me when no one in my life has. I don't want this to be true and I know a part of it isn't, but its so hard to deal with this.

Any suggestions?

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

How horrible!!!! This person is an absolute and complete jerk (and that's the meanest word I felt I could type - trust me a whole slew of words for this person are running through my mind).

Please get away from this person and have nothing else to do with him. This is not about you, this person has some serious issues of their own - that you do not need to take on.

I'm so sorry that you took that jump and it turned out so horribly.

You are not a fool!!!! You honestly thought someone was going to help you (help that you greatly deserve) and they let you down in an extremely hurtful way.

 

[Blues in NYC]

I feel like a fool. How can I trust? And Now, how can I get over this new event? I feel like all the feeling of my abuse come back? All the lessons of survival flood my senses. :wall:

The biggest lesson that it reinforces: I am a fool to trust and expect others to help me when no one in my life has. I don't want this to be true and I know a part of it isn't, but its so hard to deal with this.

Any suggestions?

No. You are not the biggest fool.

But Trust and Boundaries are two social arenas that a PTSD sufferer (or maybe cPTSD sufferers in particular?) really needs to be mindful. You sound similar to me. My automatic responses are just plain faulty at this point when it comes to this stuff. I need to slow down and think through relationships. Disclosure of information, going to bed with others, considering someone more than an acquaintance, etc. -- all these things need to be on a bit more of a monitored timeline and progression than they do for other people.

In another thread on movies about PTSD, I mentioned this movie I just saw called Adam about a romance where one half of the couple has aspergers. In the film he needs to let his would be girlfriend know "I can't tell what you are thinking right now." At some of these moments, she's crying. These narrative moments were devices to drive home how different Adam's brain works from typical folks. Those of us with PTSD are in a similar situation. But it's just not as visible.

So you screwed up this once. Trusted someone who turned out to be a jerk. Repeat outloud to yourself: this is not the end of the world. This is not the end of my world.

Everybody plays this game with trust, putting a little out and taking hits here and there. The world will continue to be a bumpy place, PTSD or no. Next time around, pace how much you put out.

But to be clear, I'm sorry to read that someone betrayed your trust and simultaneously invalidated your experiences. It truly sucks when that happens. But again, this is not the end of your world. There are good people in the world. Go slow.

:Hug_emoticon:

 

[a3a2]

I am so sorry that this has happened to you! Yes, I agree with Sunnybrook. Stay away from this person. Though I am wondering if it would be helpful to write a letter telling him how hurtful this was...whether or not you send it, I think it would be beneficial. That and cry, cry, cry. Give yourself time and permission.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Most people that are ignorant about PTSD, have it in their heads that people with PTSD are homeless, drug addicts and drunks, that do nothing other than get high......It goes back to Nam, when the soldiers came home traumatized, and this was the first time people had really seen PTSD in full force.

The vets were left on their own, and had no help whatsoever!!!! So basically, this is the impression that many people still have, about PTSD.....They are just ignorant, and not educated enough to care to find out the truth.....

People wonder why we can't open up and be upfront about our illness.......

I agree, stay away from this jerk, and try to reground yourself....

 

[Kunoichi]

Thank you all for your responses.

She Cat I relate to what you say in regards that so many think I should be drinking, or in a mental ward etc. Every time i tell someone my story they are like "but your too normal"...well duh...how did I survive? it was by acting normal!

The worst thing was this guy had suffered from PTSD in the past due to combat/war. So he should have understood. But he just shot me down.

I don't have contact with him anymore and i'm slowy accepting that I just made a mistake and its OK that I did. but mistakes in my past meant so many bad things would happen.

 

[evergreen]

Kunoichi,

Im sorry to hear about your pain. *hugs*

Some of us that have been hurt as children have been waiting for a savior since the time we started getting hurt. We hoped someone would save us or stop the abuse that was going on. We wanted someone to validate us and that became one of our biggest dreams. Sadly, we often continue this search as adults. Many times we don't even realize it. We are unconsciously looking for someone to help right the wrongs that happened.

I am not sure if this is what you expected from this person that ended up belittling your situation, but maybe it is something to ask yourself. What did you truly expect from this person? Are your expectations legitimate? Are you hoping for someone to finally fix the situation?

Of course this is not a healthy person to be around. Whatever you find about yourself, I would not recommend having anything to do with him.

Lots of love,Evergreen

 

[2quilt]

I wish we all could hug you and hold you until you feel stronger. Being retraumatized makes us lose trust in all humanity. It shatters our core trust. And it takes so damn long to reestablish that trust.

Hugs!

 

[Kunoichi]

I am seeing one silver lining to this...

I was WILLING to go against my abuser...after only a year of escaping. Of being terrified while he hunted me. I was willing to do it. For that I think I should be proud..that takes so much for me to even gather that courage.

 

[Noone.]

There are great people all around you and trust will always be an issue.
So keep your friends close, they will pick you up when your down and stand beside
you when your at your weakest.
Be safe.

Fire.

 

[sigh]

Get away from this person! This person is dangerous! How do you know if they speak the truth! If you want an investigation, go to the police! Be aware! Sometimes people who have gone through tragedy have it written on their forehead!

(Today is the day of one step)
Take Care of YOURSELF!!! YOU ARE NUMBER ONE ichi ban. Fierce.

s.
plus 3 starbucks venti's 2 percocets and a migraine