...........................It's just it's very easy for me to get suicidal during panic attacks and all it takes is one long panic attack to throw me into a deep depression or to ramp up my anxiety out of fear of another one, and I just thought if there was any way to head it off at the pass with a way to make the med work faster... Because seriously its not the depression, ..........................that gets to me the most and makes me want to end it all... it's the panic attacks. I just can't f*cking handle them.
Good site here Fubar cocker, full of brothers who have been there. I know from personal experience it is by no means easy.
Meds do help, finding the right one can take time, but the main thing you have to learn is that you have the control over what you do. (I know easier said than done).
3 year ago I was cut down by my wife, after she found me hanging in a tree. Today, I don`t want to do it, ask me tomorrow when I feel like shit, But I have learnt to read the signs my body and my brain send out when I am diving. And that is what you have to learn. When you have done that you can steer yourself around a lot of shit that will make you anxious and maybe put you in that frame of mind.
There will still be the odd time it catches you out, but in the main you will get a grip on it. And when it does catch you with your guard down, at least you will know it is only for a period, and it isn`t what you want.
But it is a long road. Took 2,5 years of therapie with me to get to a point where I notice a change in myself to be able to avoid stuff. And there are still news signs that I am learning.
The hardest damn part is wanting to change because you want to. And it is no walk in the park after that, it is damn hard work, but the time does come when you are having more good day`s than bad day`s.
Hang tough brother