Does anyone else feel really ugly?

[Otaw]

I have always felt so so ugly. Like not not pretty but ugly, eye sore. I didn't think a guy would ever ever like me because I wa so ugly. I also feel defective and somehow that I am gross (even though I take a shower everyday), but that I am really dirty, hairy and gross. When yoga teacher goes around makes adjustements, I feel bad he or she has to touch me as they will have to touch gross me. And I am certainly grosser than anyone else in yoga class. I feel so ugly that I don't even bother bringing it up in therapy even after two years. I don't want to start believing I'm not ugly, because I know the truth is that I am.

 

[Iwipiw]

I think that believing we are ugly helps keep us safe. In a way.

 

[Bilij]

I think there's probably a difference between being ugly & feeling ugly? Because I am ugly, but it's not lonely or sad.

 

[Iwipiw]

I think there's probably a difference between being ugly & feeling ugly? Because I am ugly, but it's not lonely o...

Is that your trauma talking?

 

[Egani]

I never had a problem finding husbands... I just chose the wrong ones and settled for less than I should have. Each time I think I felt like I would never be worth more than I got...

 

[Ude]

your trauma talking?

Nah, I don't think so.

Point really being, that it's maybe less about aesthetics, and more about results. Like what does being/feeling ugly mean to someone. What do you think it stops you from doing, or getting, or being, or similar?

 

[Oposo]

ETA ^^^ Bilij

 

[Ofiva]

Yes I do too. I thought it was just because I'm overweight but I've lost 4 stone this year and people keep saying I bet you feel so different but I don't.
I'm finding more things that I believe make me ugly. I've cut my hair from long to very short thinking a change will make me feel better. I think that everyone else looks good without putting in any effort. If I do make an effort/ do my hair/ put on make up etc Im then obsessed that people can see I'm trying to make myself look good when I dont. Just my overactive critical mind

 

[Cawitu]

I feel ugly and fat all the time, it's relentless.

I try, on the whole, to eat well and exercise but it makes little difference. I wear a lot of make up, it is a facade that makes me feel safer but also exacerbates the feeling that I must hide the ugly core of who I am. T days I have to get up even earlier to do my hair and make up to try and present to her something that isn't quite as repulsive as me without it.

I feel sorry for my partner who has to live with and look at me.

 

[Egani]

I try to see myself through the eyes of those who love me. Sometimes I see a glimmer of self worth... and feel a little less ugly...

 

[Evij]

I have always felt so so ugly. Like not not pretty but ugly, eye sore. I didn't think a guy would ever ever like me becau...

Ive always known how ugly i am. Every time i pass a mirror i unconsciously scawl at the image. I can't really understand why i have friends that have stuck around and totally understand the ones that ditched me. Its not just a surface ugliness im ugly inside too.

 

[Uco]

I feel so ugly that I don't even bother bringing it up in therapy even after two years. I don't want to start believing I'm not ugly, because I know the truth is that I am.

I am just beginning to tackle this in therapy and I know why I believe I am ugly which is the sad part; I know that I'm not repulsive to others yet mind tells me I am. Lies, all lies from abusers.