Childhood Possible Abuse, Suspected Repressed Memories

[loui50]

Without making this post forever long, I will try to explain. I have believed since about the age of 16 that I may have been sexually abused in some form. I have memories that don't make sense to me but don't necessarily point to abuse. They can all be explained away individually but together?? maybe not.

Here is what I have:

Memory from 4 years old: I was laying in bed terrified with the covers pulled up to my chin. I had my eyes closed tight and was thinking if he thinks I'm asleep maybe he will go to her. Someone came in my room touched my left arm and chest and that is all I remember.

Flashback: I am viewing the scene from above. I am about 4 years old and standing with my pants down. There is a man reaching for me from behind. I can not see the man's face. I was terrified and when the flashback happened I ran across the house trying to get away from it before I realized it was a flashback.

Memory from 6 or 7: I woke up naked. My pjs were in the hall by my door way. My Mom stated that I "Must had slept walked" I was never a sleepwalker that I know of.

Memory Unknown age: Step father was playing around in the hot tub with me and my sister and grabbed my groin. Stated was an accident but I felt very ashamed by it.

Memory from 14 years old (Happened numerous times): I slept in just a tshirt and underwear. My step dad would come in my room after I was in bed covered up and "hug" me. He would pull me out from under the covers, pull my underwear up in a "weggie" and slap my butt while laughing and looking over my shoulder. I always told him to stop and he just laughed.

Sedated Medical Procedure (20 years old): I was sedated in a conscious sedation to have an injection in my spine. When I "Woke up" from the procedure I was terrified an felt as if I have been violated. I had a weird memory of the doctor behind me with something white in his hand.

Also, my sister states that our stepfather touched her breasts while she was sleeping at age 14 and he has admitted this. My nieces at a very young age (4 and 2) accused the same man of hurting them.

Here is my question. Is this enough to suspect their is more? Should I talk to T about all this? I'm terrified that I'm going to spill my guts to T and she is going to say there isn't enough there to think that something more might be there. I'm so scared to talk to T about all this. Any input is appreciated.

 

[Mytime]

Thank you for sharing. I do think you should talk to your T. This is why.
If you felt violated at anytime in your life, it doesn't matter if it's true or not.
Because you will go through the same emotions.
Example- If you thought your husband was having an affair, but no Proof . You would still go through all the emotions and beliefs and feelings because your mind is telling you it's true.
Talking to your T will help you work through the feeling and beliefs you have.
I hope this makes sense :confused:

 

[palistrus]

Please talk to your T! you shouldnt have to go through this alone.. what youve described is absolutely abuse, im so sorry you had to go through this.. its possible it ended here but if there are large gaps in your memory there might of been something more.. unfortunately only you and him are the only ones who know for sure... wishing you the best and thankful youre brave enough to post

 

[loui50]

Please talk to your T! you shouldnt have to go through this alone.. what youve described is absolutel...

I hate spoken to t. She absolutely believes there is more. There are memory gaps. We have not been able to address it yet fully due to other issues though.