Arebas
Silver Member
I've been where you are - sort of. My first T was CBT and she was warm and kind and I felt validated for the first time ever. I was very attached. She did what your T does, tell me thing we would work on things we needed to discuss but then we never got around them after mentioning in one session. I'd bring her things written, we would read them, she'd asked me how I felt about them and that was that. She always said I was doing a good job - even when I felt I was wasting my time, not talking about what I wanted to talk and getting really frustrated. She never pushed in any direction so I never really moved forward unless something really important happened (normally bad) that I just couldn't avoid talking about. But even then, it was one session and done with it. Sessions were 60 minutes sharp. Ending was never abrupt cause we always started about 10 minutes late and she had the front desk call her to let her know when the next patient had arrived so it was like having a bell ringing when there were only ten more minutes to go.
I stayed with her for three years and my only improvement was to be able to realise that it wasn't working, that I needed something else and that it was on me to get it - which is actually a huge improvement but I don't know how much of that I owe to her therapy and how much to my own pain, hard work by myself and desire to get better.
I looked for a trauma specialist and the difference is huge.
She is also warm and kind and I feel validated but in a deeper and more meaningful way. Not just "all thoughts are ok and all feelings are ok and we accept them" like CBT did but more like "all thoughts are ok cause they're yours, but pain is not ok and you don't have to accept it. There is nothing wrong with ugly thoughts, but they're not desirable, we accept they're there but we must understand them so we can change the things that are causing pain cause it's not ok to feel bad". And we actually work towards feeling better.
Sessions are hardly ever just 60 minutes. If I get upset, she takes notice and takes the time to bring me back to a calmer state. She doesn't let me leave her office if I'm upset in any way. One session got extended to almost two hours because I just couldn't stop talking. I paid for it cause I felt it was the right thing to do but she considered part of her work with me that day and was ok with not charging for it.
When I talk to her, I often have the impression that she is ten steps ahead of me. Never had that with my previous T. I used to feel like I was working really hard with my previous T. Like therapy was a difficult thing that I had to do and was complicated and made me feel awful many times but that was part of the process. Trauma T makes it so much easier. Trauma is painful, sessions are hard, but the time between sessions has improved so much! I used to mull over everything in between sessions before, getting sessions ready, figuring out what I needed to talk about... I was doing all the work. This T does most of that work for me, she knows how to lead me to talk about things, she reads me very well and knows when I need to go deeper or get out of something.
I haven't tried psychodynamics but I'd recommend to end it with your CBT therapist, and keep the new one while you start looking for a trauma T. It really is different.
Good luck!
I stayed with her for three years and my only improvement was to be able to realise that it wasn't working, that I needed something else and that it was on me to get it - which is actually a huge improvement but I don't know how much of that I owe to her therapy and how much to my own pain, hard work by myself and desire to get better.
I looked for a trauma specialist and the difference is huge.
She is also warm and kind and I feel validated but in a deeper and more meaningful way. Not just "all thoughts are ok and all feelings are ok and we accept them" like CBT did but more like "all thoughts are ok cause they're yours, but pain is not ok and you don't have to accept it. There is nothing wrong with ugly thoughts, but they're not desirable, we accept they're there but we must understand them so we can change the things that are causing pain cause it's not ok to feel bad". And we actually work towards feeling better.
Sessions are hardly ever just 60 minutes. If I get upset, she takes notice and takes the time to bring me back to a calmer state. She doesn't let me leave her office if I'm upset in any way. One session got extended to almost two hours because I just couldn't stop talking. I paid for it cause I felt it was the right thing to do but she considered part of her work with me that day and was ok with not charging for it.
When I talk to her, I often have the impression that she is ten steps ahead of me. Never had that with my previous T. I used to feel like I was working really hard with my previous T. Like therapy was a difficult thing that I had to do and was complicated and made me feel awful many times but that was part of the process. Trauma T makes it so much easier. Trauma is painful, sessions are hard, but the time between sessions has improved so much! I used to mull over everything in between sessions before, getting sessions ready, figuring out what I needed to talk about... I was doing all the work. This T does most of that work for me, she knows how to lead me to talk about things, she reads me very well and knows when I need to go deeper or get out of something.
I haven't tried psychodynamics but I'd recommend to end it with your CBT therapist, and keep the new one while you start looking for a trauma T. It really is different.
Good luck!
