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Really struggling want to die.

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Thanks for checking in... when someone is in a bad way, we do care and we do worry.... I like the visual grounding suggested by @Anarchy, I do one that I outline things with my eyes... like the shape of flowers or square tiles, or just anything you can 'eye trace'.... it really helps... you are doing better than you feel you are.... glad to hear from you !!! We are here for you:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
Thanks for checking in... when someone is in a bad way, we do care and we do worry.... I like the visual...
@FauxLiz I'm a beetle of very little experience, and low standing, here. But, let me tell you what I do when I'm feeling down. I do two or three things, I go to uplifting music that speaks positively to my soul. For me that's Messianic Music from Israel. For you it may be some other type of positive music. It's almost mystical, I can go from being down in the dumps to thanking God for everything he/she's done for me within thirty minutes. It really is remarkable. I don't know what it is, but I think somehow we get off the traintracks we are on, and we get onto a positive wavelength. I think it is all about changing wavelengths and tuning into something that lifts your spirit. And the more you listen, the deeper, and more permenant the change is in feeling and outlook. Try it. It works. I also try to do something creatively artisticly. Painting, drawing, landscaping, or writing that transports me to another happier place. Also, I try reading some epic novels that take me to a different time and place. Somehow we have to learn to see things from a different perspective. Sometimes going somewhere else in your mind,for a while, changes who you are and how you deal with, and interpret, problems. Read Dr. Zchavago (sp?) or Exodus and you will never be the same person again. Get on to a different wavelength. You can can do it. Shalom. :tup:
 
Yea! I find that music really makes a difference to me, when I'm feeling really down. I came really close to suicide once myself, it was a phone call from a mate of mine, that stopped me

I pressed the wrong button there, and posted by mistake? Anyway, we both use the same ex service site, and I posted that they might not see any posts from me for a while, (as we tend to look out for each other)

He se sensed something was wrong, and called me on the phone, where we had a long chat which helped me a great deal.

He even phoned the local police, who came to check on me, while I was on the phone to him, he saved my life!
 
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Yes, you can do this...when it gets really tough...sometimes I do this one second at a time when my ptsd recovery journey gets really difficult...you can do this!
 
Thank you everyone for the support. I went home last night from my meeting and just crashed. I was a disaster and it hadn't helped that I went to the pharmacy to pick up my AD refill and they were out until today (Tuesday) It irritated me because I submitted the refill last week and they ordered it but must have given my meds to someone else over the weekend as they hadn't marked my refill as a priority.

I met with t this morning and I am still struggling with how the session went. He suggested going no contact but letters with ex and I explained until my son graduates in June that isn't possible. Then talking about my daughter he suggested that the reason she had the meltdown over the weekend is that I had not modeled good self-regulation skills to her when she was growing up which felt like he was blaming me for her being upset. Anyway, it wasn't one of our better sessions and I left feeling exhausted.
 
@FauxLiz I too am in the middle of a two week circus with two different doctors to get my meds refilled. I mean we are not talking about scheduled narcotics here. I'm not on a continous morphine drip. ( At least not yet, if this keeps up, I may be ready for one!) All we are talkin about are blood pressure meds. I think it is all just some perverse control thing. I am with you Liz. Keep fighting the good fight! Shalom. :tup:
 
I'd be picking apart the difference between the impossible suggestion (going no contact), a challenging therapeutic statement (the reason she had the meltdown over the weekend is that I had not modeled good self-regulation skills), and the "feelings" (feeling blamed).
 
Then talking about my daughter he suggested that the reason she had the meltdown over the weekend is that I had not modeled good self-regulation skills to her when she was growing up which felt like he was blaming me for her being upset. Anyway, it wasn't one of our better sessions and I left feeling exhausted.

I kind-of disagree with him as well. She obviously doesn't have a lot of friends and she needed family around her to support her. I think you knew it was her birthday and her heart was breaking.( it broke your heart that you couldn't be there) Did anyone in the family call her before she broke-down?
her birthday was in a couple days and she needed someone to make her a priority.
 
Hi guys :-) I'm a newbie and hope I'm not butting in. I just wanted to say that contact with my ex puts me in complete meltdown mode too. I had to have some contact with him earlier this year involving our kids in crisis and i was brave, very brave and rose to the occasion. It cost me a lot though. I ended up so incapacitated I had to get a leave of absence from studying. I've since explained to my kids that i just can't do it. I contact them on their own phones when they are at his but I have finally built a very big wall between me and him because my health has to come first. If my kids are at his, they can contact me. Mind you, he never contacted me once when there were emergencies which was another way to hurt me and invalidate me. My kids all know I am there for them though, just a phone call away. Maybe this kind of approach is worth considering or working towards?
 
@The Albatross I am not sure what you are suggesting that I do.
I'd be picking apart the difference between the impossible suggestion (going no contact), a challenging therapeutic statement (the reason she had the meltdown over the weekend is that I had not modeled good self-regulation skills), and the "feelings" (feeling blamed).

Can you explain a little more for me?
 
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