News Me too?

[Sandstone]

She's an adult, in her 30s. Except, of course, that she is still my little girl, and she still phones me for a supportive chat when she has had a difficult day.
Even with adult children, it's still hard navigating how to be a parent when you have no good life model.

I value highly the move from secrecy to openness that should help to protect people in the future. Yet for myself secrecy is still an innate response. I know theoretically this secrecy is a bad thing, and that it enables the perpetrators and the bystanders, but I feel danger in any attempt to break through it. So as the OP said

My ambivalence tells me I'm not ready

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Sandstone I think as a mom if I saw that my daughter had written something like this, I would need to speak up. Maybe in asking her and if she confided in You, maybe, just maybe you could confide in her. Not details, but that you know first hand....

 

[UnKnown-Self]

A resurfacing of speaking out against sexual harassment.
I want to be very clear that I support speaking out. If I see a MeToo tweet, I will add my voice.
I can't help feeling that we (we meaning people in general including myself) are stuck in that it happened.
This is the same tune sung since the 1960s.
I knew just from my over-sharing conversations that three out of five, maybe four out of five women have been violated. Either way, more was than wasn't and that was the early 80s. The conversation is the same. Models, starlets, beautiful people step up and say this comedian, movie mogul, newscaster or President did disgusting things.
When does the attention go to the children. When does the attention go to healing the younger survivors?
Women have not taken a real step forward since the sixties. Too much is not being said. Too much is still taboo.
I would be interested in hearing what others think about MeToo.

 

[hodge]

I also posted "Me too" on FB. I can't count the times it's happened to me.

It kind of seems like things are coming to a head with this . . . so many speaking out and so many offenders getting attention they don't want but deserve.

 

[Sideways]

@Sandstone - maybe your daughter has gone part way in starting the conversation? The “conversation” doesn’t have to be a big deal. But if I reflect on what might have been helpful to me? Just someone letting me know that they noticed, and they’re ready to hear me and believe me. That would’ve meant a lot.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Social media isn't a good format to let family know to heavy stuff,

I created a Me Too post and the moderators brought me here
I started reading the thread and noticed the topic hit different nerves.
In regards to the belief that social media not being a good format to let family know heavy stuff.

Well, I think it might be the Only way for some to speak out. Who cares how it was done if someone finally, after years of holding on to the pain found a way by just saying Me Too.
Perhaps it’s because it is about Them for a change and the last thing they need to hear is how it is becoming about someone else. How could you do this? Why didn’t you tell Me?
I’m willing to bet, had someone spoken directly, the reply would be “Why didn’t you tell me before?’
How about first replying with a thumbs up like and a short I love you. Maybe then a private message or text could be sent offering an ear and heart to listen, with maybe some tea or a bottle of wine. Adding no rush, whenever you’re ready. If you see each other and it hasn’t been discussed, respect the person you care so much about and act as if the subject never came up.
Family often doesn’t like to see what they see as their dirty laundry being aired. Family is more often resentful of the perceived shame smudged on the family name. Family is more likely to resent secrets being told. But I digress, the last couple of sentences were personal experience only.
My point is, even in the best of families a member often feels more at ease speaking to someone else or in a way they feel they should. They still deserve positive support.

But as a male survivor, I wouldn't know anyth...

No one is saying boys and men are not sexually abused. I think it would be great if men started a Me Too hash tag.

 

[anonymous]

Should we ask them about it, in real life or online

Had I had a non abusive mother, I'd want her to at least email or private message and ask if I wanted to talk about it and be told she's here for me. I was sexually abused by my mother and reposted the 'Me Too', one of my aunts also did and I did not know she had been abused by males in the past.

Who cares how it was done if someone finally, after years of holding on to the pain found a way by just saying Me Too.

I TOTALLY AGREE.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am very wary on FB. When my husband passed I cut off all communication with my birth family. It’s been 2 1/2 years and it has difficult moments brought on by loneliness.
I have to remember my melancholy feelings are for fleeting moments that happened in the past.
1. Those fleeting moments were still filled with risk of backlash in the future.
2. The people I had those fleeting moments with are gone if they ever existed beyond what I hoped and wanted.
3. The melancholy girl part of me is understanding this more and more.

I did not close my old FB account I just put it on hold. I tried creating others but as soon as I included my children I felt vulnerable. So I created a FB page just for me. I text or call my kids to keep up.
I do not use my real name on Twitter.

This is my lengthy way of saying one can contribute online and offer support without sacrificing privacy. I won’t be writing a book that will get me on talk shows. I won’t become a celebrity. My voice is a very small one in the resounding collective of others saying me too.
This Me Too movement that has actually been spanning almost 60 years comes and goes.
I imagine there are many whys this is so.
It’s usually workplace focused and since a living must be made, there is no escaping it without speaking up.
I applaud those who speak out. It has to stop.

My personal opinion why this topic never comes to a full boil is the mental health aspect. They skitter around that part of the abuse because they fear they will not be seen as capable because something in them must be broken if their mental health is affected.
I don’t know about being asked to share personal stories on FB but this request IMO is kind of silly on Twitter. My story in 140 characters or even double that is laughable.
Still I respect the effort and I hope maybe, just maybe this time will be different.

 

[Sandstone]

Just to update, though I do feel I've hijacked this a bit. My daughter was here at the weekend, so I could raise it face to face. She was referring to an incident she had told me about some years ago. I said I wouldn't have wanted her to feel unsupported, but she seemed OK about it. i'm glad I got the chance to talk in person instead of having to judge through the written word.

 

[Gamera3000]

I don't have social media, except to sometimes post on anonymous sites like this, I guess. It has been interesting to read what other people have said here.

Many years ago, back when I still had friends, my former group of friends and I were at our usual bar. It was a couple of us hetero girls and two or three gay guys. We all had different mid-level, specialty careers, so with very different day lives. We each had horrible, non-PC senses of humor and so became friends. I don't remember how, but our usual hard core jokes, raunchy tales and cruel gossip turned into a rape discussion. We discovered that all of us had been raped, one guy by another one of our usual friends, who happened not to be there that night, and who he still hung out with. It was a hard thing for us all to look around at each other and acknowledge. I guess we had each thought that that sort of thing didn't happen to "people like us" but it can and does happen to anyone.

 

[New]

She's an adult, in her 30s. Except, of course, that she is still my little girl, and she still phones...

I could be wrong but she could be trying to reach out to you by posting that.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

that sort of thing didn't happen to "people like us" but it can and does happen to anyone.

No one is too young or too old, too rich or poor. It spans all sexual orientations, races, religions, cultures and has been happening as long as humans existed.